Church Boy 2
I sugar coated the situation before.
Now Iím telling it all and a bit more.
I thought the situation would have passed by now.
The fact that it didnít even makes me say wow.
Itís true the situation between Eric and I remains the same.
The ice hasnít been broken and I still only know him by name.
I really donít know why,
I canít fix my lips to say hi.
When I see him, he changes the expression my face,
And for some odd reason, my heart begins to race.
The sight of him makes me blush.
Like a young child and their first crush.
When I see him, I get a smile that wonít leave.
My reaction to him is hard to believe.
The best way to describe my reaction is to say I get geeked.
I get really excited to where I can barely speak.
Seeing him makes me start to pray.
I ask God if it be His will, let this be the day.
Itís hard to believe I respond this way to a guy I am barely interested in.
You would think it was more than just interest considering this guy puts me on ten.
Ok so at first I didnít tell it like it really is.
So now I am going to tell all my biz.
Maybe I can figure out what it all means.
If I quit sugar coating and just come clean.
For the longest, I put this thing on hold.
But the time has come for the whole story to be told.
I still only see him when thereís a gospel show.
But he is not the reason that I go.
I go knowing that he might be there.
But if he doesnít show, I wonít care.
There are some shows I know full well he wonít go to.
Yet I still go, because praising God is what I go to do.
God is the only reason for me being in the place.
Itís just a bonus when I go and I see Ericís face.
When I see him, he always catches me off guard.
Thatís why maintaining my composure is so hard.
I lay eyes on him when I least expect it.
And my smile gets as wide as it can get.
He sits ahead of me and itís not close enough by,
For me to give him the routine hi.
I canít sit by him, even if I had the nerve.
Because he sits in the section where the seats are reserved.
Sitting next to him isnít the only opportunity to break the ice; please believe.
That I have a plot that I put in place for when we leave.
Iíll call him by name and ask him something about the next show.
Him asking me how I know his name is where Iíd like the conversation to go.
I wish it was that easy but it never works that way.
When I get up close I canít even say hey.
There have been times when weíve been face to face,
And I said nothing; the only thing you heard was my heart race.
Him and I also have walked side by side.
And I said nothing because I got tongue-tied.
I even called him by name, and he stopped to respond to my call.
I inquired about the where a boutís of someone else and that was all.
I called his name and for a few seconds I had his full attention.
And the things that matter the most, I failed to mention.
I know it doesnít make sense considering I think about him everyday.
But in all honesty, what am I supposed to say?
Dare I take matters into my own hands and flirt?
Dare I ďstep out on faithĒ and get my feelings hurt?
I am trying to maintain my title of holy child.
Dare I put that aside and walk on the wild?
I am a sanctified sister, who is content with being single.
How would it look if I was to start to mingle?
Truthfully speaking, my single status I donít want to change.
But this Eric character makes that situation strange.
Many guys have tried to get into my love life.
Some were only trying to hit, others even wanted me as their wife.
If I wanted to change my single status, I could.
And I know a few guys who wish that I would.
Of all the guys out there now and Iím sure there will be more,
Eric is the only one that I have eyes for.
Many brothers have come my way.
But Eric is the only one Iíd give the time or day.
When itís all said and done,
There is something special about this one.
The Eric thing is totally new.
I never had a guy situation, which left me without a clue.
Iíve never been at a loss trying to figure out what move I should make.
I never had feelings for a guy that I couldnít shake.
I never liked a guy and not knew why.
Never have I been this way over a guy.
Never have I waited for a guy to make the first move.
Never have I been interested in only one dude.
When I see him, my day has been made.
Never has it taken this long for my feelings to fade.
I get nervous when heís near.
Never I have liked someone to the point of fear.
When I see him, I get butterflies,
I like him so much that I canít even look him in the eyes.
When he looks my way, my head I quickly turn.
And the will of God I try to discern.
Never has one guy taken me through this.
Never has the mere sight of a guy made me bliss.
In me he brings out the best.
Iíve been boy crazy before, but heís different from the rest.
If I had to describe in one word what he does to me.
Iíd have to say that he makes me feel happy.
When I see him, I feel joy
Man Iíve got it bad for that boy.
This confuses me though,
How it this possible, this is a guy that I donít know.
I wonder if this is the work of God, what is He trying to do.
If this is not of God, then what is the Devil up to?
Thatís why I am reluctant about making the first move.
In a sense by me waiting, I have a point to prove.
I have it in my mind that if it is meant to be,
Then he will come to me.
I feel like if I kick it off, I tamper with Godís plan.
I donít want to be out of Godís will because of man.
My plots to break the ice the next time heís seen;
Is all done with hopes that God will intervene.
If I step out on faith and do my part,
Maybe God will give me the desires of my heart.
God doesnít need my help and I know this is true,
But what else am I supposed to do?
I can follow the clichť and ďgive fate a nudgeĒ
Or I can sit around and not budge.
It shall come to pass if itís Gods will.
But while I am waiting is there anything that can be done about the way I feel?
The thought that we will never be has crossed my mind.
I pray thatís not the outcome because this feeling is hard to put behind.
But in the even that, that be the case,
I ask God to help me put the devil in his place.
In the mean time Iím trying to see,
Just why Eric means so much to me.
Thereís something about him no words can explain.
I know thereís a reason Iím drawn to him, that reason just hasnít been made plain.
I wonder if there is something God is trying to tell me.
I wonder if God is trying to tell me to let it be.
I wonder if God is telling me to wait, or if itís a plain no.
I can handle the response, I just want to know.
If God says wait then I will stand still.
If God says no, then I will obey His will.
Right now Iím trying to understand
If the way I feel is a part of Godís plan.
Are my feelings for Eric based solely on flesh?
Am I involved in some sugar coated worldly mess?
Are my feelings for him somehow divine?
Will my desired end result come in due time?
How will the story end?
Will I get him as a mate or only as a friend?
Will the story end sweet?
Will it be of the divine when we meet?
Will I get to sit next to him at a show?
Will I run into him, when its time to go?
In the parking lot will we be side by side?
Will he one day offer me a ride?
Will our paths cross another way?
Will I run into him out of the blue one day?
When I see him, what do I say?
Do I start a conversation or leave it at hey?
The whole concept of ďmeant to beĒ
Is that all dependent upon me?
By me waiting on him is that wrong?
Is my wait the reason itís taking so long?
Is waiting on him, the only way for me to know,
That God has given me a green light to go?
Is my ď1st move theoryĒ really true?
Isnít that what I am supposed to do?
Does the fact that Iím waiting for a sure sign,
In anyway put me out of line?
Iím sorry I just need to know full well,
That I have Godís approval when it comes to that male.
I donít want to be out of Godís will,
On the basis of how I feel.
I donít want to make a mistake,
Due to a feeling that I canít shake.
I just want to be sure,
That the outcome of this is pure
I want an end result that is not tainted
I like Eric too much to act without confirmation.
Before I go changing my situation,
I want to have some divine revelation.
If God sends him to me, then it will be known.
That it was Godís will, and not just my own.