Church Boy

When I see him, my heart drops.
There’s something about his presence, that makes my heart stop.
When ever I see his face,
My heart beats at an unsteady pace.
This isn't like any attraction I've had in the past.
There is something totally different about this one; it’s not the same as the last.
This is a guy who I do not know.
I only see him when there is a gospel show.
He doesn’t know me so conversation is out.
To him I’m just another person who came to shout.
I am no longer in the world so there are something’s I can’t do.
I can’t get a guys attention the way I use to.
My focus should be on Christ and not on the flesh.
So I can’t approach him with worldly mess.
I can’t ask his name nor is he spoken for,
I can’t see how that would be glorifying the Lord.
I can’t go to him spitting Christian game.
I can’t be deceitful either I already know his name.

When I came to Christ I gave Him full control.
I gave him my mind, my body and my soul.
I told the Lord I was done with my life of sin.
I told Him I would no longer do unholy things with men.
Christ came in my life and He closed and locked my sinful doors.
The doors remain closed because I don’t think unholy thoughts anymore.
When I see this guy, no lustful thought comes to mind.
When I see this guy, there is no unholy thought for me to bind.
That’s how I know this attraction isn’t the same as the others.
Cuz when I look at him I don’t want him under my covers.
I have never undressed him with my eyes.
I have never looked at him and wanted to create an ungodly soul tie.
I’ve never had the thought that our lips should meet.
This isn’t the same because I don’t look at him lustfully from head to feet.

Well if I’m not thinking about him and wanting to take him to bed,
And it’s true that he doesn’t produce an unholy thought in my head,
Then what is it that I see?
What causes this effect that he has on me?
It’s not the fact that he’s fine.
Bishop Noel Jones helped me to put those things behind.
Besides I see good looking men every day.
I may glance at them but the attraction doesn’t stay.
Maybe it’s because he’s on fire for the Lord.
Maybe it’s because we are on the same accord.
Maybe God is using him as a template in my life.
Maybe God is using his image to mold me into a wife.
Maybe God is using him to keep my eyes off worldly men.
I don’t think that’s it because I told the Lord I was done with sin.
I don’t know what to say about the way I feel.
I just know when I see him,the reaction is real.

So what is a woman of God to do?
I am a new creature, old things have passed away and all things are new.
Of course I’ve talked about it with the Man Above.
I ask Him if this situation hinders me from being pure as a dove.

I try not to go to the Lord with selfish intentions in my heart.
I don’t want to ask the Lord for anything that will split us apart.
I don’t see God getting much glory from my situation.
Yet I still ask Him to give me divine revelation.
I told the Lord that if this attraction I have, has nothing to do with His plan,
Then to help me get over it by letting me see the guy with a woman.
However every show I see him at, he’s on his own.
He comes with others but as far as a date he appears to be alone.
When I tell people the story they call me a stalker, but that’s not the case.
It’s not my fault that at every gospel show I attend, I see his face.
I don’t go to the shows because I know he’s going to be there.
But on the same token I know that him missing a show is rare.
Even though I’m already happy, he puts a smile on my face a mile long.
It’s funny to see me trying to keep my eyes where they belong.
I told the Lord I had a bright idea and this one was key,
To keep me from looking at him, then sit him next to me.
That would solve the problem of my eyes constantly roaming the room.
Steady looking at his hand to see if he is a groom.
If he was to ever sit next to me,
All I would be able to do is give praises to Thee.
I would probably look over at him with a smile on my face,
And say something like “God is surely in this place.”
I wouldn’t take the chance of him catching me in a stare.
Out of the corner of my eyes I wouldn’t even glare.
Id keep my eyes in front of me.
I wont look at him, I'd be too scared he'd see.
But that will never happen, it'll be too much like right.
Well I can't say never, one day it might.
But for now the Lord has him seated a few rows ahead.
While I look from a distance contemplating the things I wish I would have said.

There is something about him that I can’t shake.
Even though I’ve tried Woman Thou Art Loosed by Bishop Jakes.
Some say that I should just let him know.
Then the situation will not bother me anymore.
Truth is I can’t even tell him hi.
I get so nervous when I see him that all I can do is walk by.
Even if I had the courage to speak, what would I say?
The way my heart beats I don’t think I could say more than hey.
The Bible has a say so in this as well.
I can’t think of one story where the female approached the male.

I hold the Word with highest regard.
I don’t toy with my life like it’s a card.
Truth be told, yes he’s a guy I would want to date.
But I don’t know if that’s my fate.
I don’t worry about matters of my soul mate; I leave that to the Lord.
I don’t seek a partner on my own, being unequally yoked is something that I cant afford.
I also know that The Lord has a plan for my life.
No one said that I was meant to be anyone’s girlfriend nor their wife.
His will for my life could very well be for me to be alone.
He may not want me with anyone; He may have designed me to be on my own.
So I’m careful when it comes to taking matters into my own hands.
But through it all, the situation I don’t understand.
Why would the Lord keep putting him in my path and not give me my hearts desire?
He said it in Psalms 37:4 and I know His word is not a liar.
I have to do what Isaiah tells me to do and wait.
God may not answer when I want him to but He’s never late.
Everything I have asked him for I have received.
In the few instances where He said no, I can see that He was actually doing what was best for me.
I trust the Lord in all that I go through.
But I just wish He would tell me what to do.
Is it wrong for me to have these feeling that I have?
If so then I want Him to tell me before I feel His wrath.
Is this whole process part of His divine plan?
Is this whole thing too complicated for me to understand?
Is this the work from the Devil in hell?
Did Satan set me up and is laughing because I fell?
If this isn’t of God, how do I let it go?
How can I look at this guy and my heart not pound anymore?
If this isn’t the way God wants me to go, then why don’t I know?
How come I don’t know which way to go?
Does He want me to stand still?
Why won’t He explain it to me what it is that I feel?
I just want to please the Lord in all that I do.
When He says well done my good and faithful servant I want him to include me too.
I want the guy but I won’t ask the Lord to send him as a mate.
That’s selfish and besides I trust the Lord with my fate.

I only want to talk to him, get to know him a little bit.
Go to the beach and just sit.
I want to know if he’s answered his call.
I want to know what he does when he has to stay up on the wall.
I want to know his favorite song and Bible verse
I want to find out the things he likes best and the worst.
I’d like to go to gospel shows with him and not sit alone.
I’d like to talk to him about how much in Christ he’s grown.
I’d like to battle wits to see who knows the Bible best.
I’d like to see if I could beat him at a Bible test.
I’d like to know what his career goals are.
I’d like to know where he is in meeting them, near or far.
I’d like to talk to him about school and what he's going for.
I'd like to talk to him to see if he thinks the world will end in war.
Id like to talk to him about all this and then some.
I’d like to know if Christ is truly his number one.

God has given me chances to talk to him but I can’t even say hi.
I just look at him, calm my heart and then watch as he walks by.
Thoughts race through my mind, I should have said this, and I should have said that.
I just put my hand on my forehead as my Lord pats me on the back.
It would be easier if the spirit said to him "go speak to her".
I try to have faith and speak those things that are not, as though they were.
Since this is my hearts desire, I know it won’t be given to me that easily.
But the Lord doesn’t have to constantly throw him in my face teasing me.
If it's God plan, then he will come to me, that is my point of view.
God could send him talking to me, if He wanted to.

Me, starting the initial talk to him, doesn’t seem to be working out well.
I get too nervous when I am around that male.
How do I approach him with a non trifling point of view?
What do I say to get him to notice me too?
I want Church Boy to look at me with favor as Boaz did Ruth.
If he approached me I wouldn't be confused about the truth.
I don’t want to start something that will make the Lord mad.
I don’t want to start something that will turn out bad.
But I don’t want to sit and let a good thing pass.
I can plainly see this attraction isn’t like the last.
My previous attractions I know they were Devil sent.
And I can see that God did what He did because it was for my best intent.
I don’t see the Devil in this one though.
But I still know that it doesn’t mean that he has let me go.
I’m at a crossroad and I don’t know which road to take.
I’m faced with choices and I don’t know which to make.
I'm not stupid so I try to see,
If this is an attack from the enemy.
Is the devil hitting me with something new?
Is this an attack on the mind leaving me without a clue?
Is this really the spirit of lust in illusion?
Is the devil working to confuse me so I can't come to a correct conclusion?
Is this an attack on the mind,
That leaves me to believe the truth I will never find?
Could this be my Lord working in a strange way?
Is the Lord using this to get to seek Him about it everyday?
Could the Lord be testing me to see,
Just how much Church Boy means to me?
Is the Lord testing me to see if I will wait?
Is the Lord constantly sending Church Boy my way to test my faith?
Do I try to shake the feelings or do I wait?
I don't want it to get to the point where it's too late.
I don't want my interest growing stronger for no reason at all.
I trust there is a reason for this stall.
Wait it out or let it go,
Truthfully, I do not know.

I love the Lord, and yes I want to meet the guy.
The Lord has given me chances, but yet he still slips by.
When I see him, my heart pounds.
I can formulate no words, so I am left feeling down.
I talk to the Lord for Him to make it plain.
I wait daily for the Rhema Word He has ordained.
I still wish He would give me my desire easily.
Let him approach me and thus putting me out of my misery.
I want The Lord to speak to me regarding the path He wants me to choose.
I don’t want to go on my own and then He tells me that I lose.
It will be a happy ending no matter what.
Whether the feelings pass, or if I get to meet the guy that drives me nuts.
If the guy is at the end of the path, that's great.
If he’s not then it’s still ok because I do trust the Lord with my fate.
I trust the Lord and no matter which path I take,
I’ll let God guide me so I won’t make a mistake.