You all can stare at me
Point your fingers
Your whole family can suck my dick
It was all you, you, you
Well now it can be just YOU
FUCK YOU, YOU AND YOU
So many nights I have lingered in shame
I tried to love you
You tried to hang me like a frame
Well don’t waist your time
I will do it just fine
Screw my prime
I shall be fine
I was about to blow my head
the mixed emotions I miss read
Unpacked the shotgun instead
Grand dad was looking down on me
Wouldn’t want him to know I used his gun
Shit I thought it would have been fun
Split second of pain vs life time of hurt
You fuckin made me feel like a piece of shit
You bitch
I hope my shit eatin grin makes you hurl
Doubtful god created creatures like you
Society grabbed you by your horns
You fell hands and knees
I would corn your holes
Wouldn’t stop even if you bleed
Cold hearts as yours
Don’t beat
Kind of creatures such as you
Spread your disease
I had it for awhile
Slowly will make progress
Tried to bring back my warmth glow
Lost my spirit for awhile
Tried what thought would work
Razor blades, speed, needles
Nothing worked
I was stuck with your disease
Only one can win
To be continued ……….
*******************************************************
Temptation finds me
With every breath I take
It is on my mind
Needles scare me
But I beg for more
Give it to me Charlie I say
Might be the last day
I fight the hunger
Temptation, it always finds me
Sweat beads off my forehead
As I walk alone
The hunger builds
My body hurts in a old familiar way.
Ready for that daily relief
I said give it to me
*******************************************************
I am my own worst enemy
Will never accept my flaws
I will never be good enough
If I’m not good enough for myself
How will I ever be good enough for another
Satisfied with myself
I think NOT
I am never happy
I wonder why I even bother
Wish this damn cut would stop clotting
Even blotting, it still clots
One day I will succeed
This is all about I
Don’t know why
I doesn’t exist
*******************************************************
Another night at the bar
Impaled & unable to drive
Will this be the night I end it in this car
Words spoken are slow and thick
I’m sure I acted like a prick
Scavenging for a fight
Would reassure I still can feel
Friends stopped me saying it is not bright
My heart feels like a dried out peace of vial
I grew up too fast
Memories of warmth at home
Love so strong was not worth any cash
Friends and family hand me advice
I’ve had enough
No more advice no more fingers shacking
I am breaking can’t you see?
Don’t do that that is not right
You are doing it wrong
I just want to be held
A simple hug would do
Please stop standing outside
Come in and join me
Put the advice aside
Human compassion is all I need
I do agree
Keeping this up will kill
Emotionally I am already dead
As another glass is filled
My mind is on going to bed
That in it’s self I dread
Some nights demolishing this car don’t seem so bad
Would hurt less than facing another empty cold bed
True love is so much stronger than this
Once had a glance of it
May find it one day
That day I hope comes before the demolition
*******************************************************
Fear of the world
So very cruel
Tired of all the mess
I crave the caress
Hunger is so strong
I’ve waited so very long
Starving for human contact
I need to react
There is a huge section
For affection
I can dream of the warmth
As though so real
I awake
*******************************************************
It’s another affair
A mist of air
He appeared
Shook his head in disgrace
He spoke aloud
I would not be here today
If not for to stop you
You are decaying
You’re a lost dove
For running away from love
Your love is for self-destruction
Please stop, your time will come
I watch over
No hurry for to you visit me
And in that he was gone
As I became coherent
An old familiar feeling came over me
*******************************************************
As we all have them
We forget of their presence
Now the shadow of you and I
We all seek to find
In various places
All shapes and kinds
The appearance in the mirror
One shown before and in others eyes
Is that what we shall hide
We all have them
Wither they lead
Fallow or stand beside
Look beneath your bark
You shall find
They more often than not
Are our guide
More I strive the more I survive
Like you or I
We all try to do the best
From one day to the next
Small pieces of problems collect
Regardless of rain or shine
Within a 360 there is a sign
We are all shared with one
That one you must find
That one was always in your mind
*******************************************************
Soul searching
Answer seeking
Making people happy
He sure felt crappy
Image in the mirror
It can’t make him smile
It’s his life
Right or wrong
He doesn’t let them
No one tells him how to live it
But he could use some advice
He has his vices
Friends call it a crisis
He’s come to a crossroad
His life weighs in the balance
He said once
“I could see myself in a pine box soon”
*******************************************************
I sometimes wish you’d be gone
It was good, sometimes great
The more I know, it seems the more I hate
You were on me like white on rice
You acted like a mad dog with lice
All I wanted was for you to be nice
You scratched hard to get ahead
Even at times to get me in your bed
It’s hard to face you
Your attraction makes me feel blue
I have no clue
I don’t give up my loving that easily
Being around you makes me feel sleazy
As though I am a farm animal
Displayed in a window for all the cannibals
I’m not for free samples or sale
So before things get worse I will bail
*******************************************************
I met you through a friend
You were nice, sweet and caring
I really liked that you were so daring
We were so young back then
The real world didn’t exist
I couldn’t hold on
I couldn’t resist
The pleasure was so great
I lost sight of my true feelings
I didn’t listen to you when you said it
I thought it was a guilt trip
Trying to trap me into a relationship
Looking back on it I wonder if it had to be that way
I ignored you, didn’t have much to say
I regret that dearly now
You tried to tell me you liked me
I didn’t want to believe it.
Finally when I had the guts to call
I only got your mom and she started to ball
I didn’t understand what was going on
She explained it to me
You were in the hospital
I couldn’t grasp the concept
A week before you were in my arms
Now you are hanging on to life that you tried to take
Your mom said you were asking for me
I couldn’t figure out what I had done
Something terrible just occurred
It was because of me
Everything is such a blur
You were not allowed visitors
They had ran countless test on you to figure out why
When I asked if you could have been pregnant
Your mom didn’t answer
This made me concerned of what I had truly done
I was waiting for you to be released and call me
That day never came for months no word
I finally found out you had successfully done it
I was shocked and hurt whole heartily
Once they told me the details I didn’t want to hear no more
You might have gotten what you want
I believe we could have worked out another conclusion
I will never know cause now you are gone
I had a chance to show you love but not truly give it
I will never forget you and the life long lesson you have taught me
It shouldn’t take this degree of insult to learn a simple lesson
You never know your true impact on someone
The same goes for yourself once they are gone that is it
You have no second chances to express yourself
No matter how it is expressed let it out there may not be a tomorrow
Missy I will always remember you
*******************************************************
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I hardly ever get surprised by anything now days. I was the other day however surprised. a friend revealed their most intamate feelings that have been bottled up for some time. I am proud they charished me enough to open up to me with them. my thoughts after the conversation left me staggered. a bit confused I admit, however I expressed I can relate to alot of the term oils they were swimming through. I can relate. everyone deserves the story line picture of the world we are all braught up to visualize happening to us. for some finishing high school getting a steady job along with finding that special person and start a family. for some it is to finish high school get a career and stability setup then focus on a family portrait. on either side of the pasture they can be really great or a disaster. everyone deserves the right to love and be loved. I myself find myself tossing in my cold bed wishing i had someone to snuggle with. so on that lovly note I am gonna close out this train of thought. for those that haven't experiance true "love" you will for those that have been hurt may you be eased with the breathe of more to come your way.
12/1/03 The past month has been an interesting experiance. went from one job to another one. noticing how you treat people in general with an over all picture involved. when you treat them with respect and a little class. you get so much in return most of the time. there are some times you don't get that back but that just give me the motivation to push even harder to influance that situation.
E-Mail: Perry
