When Eggbeaters Go Crazy Once there was an eggbeater. It went crazy.
Hi. My name is Helga. I used to have an eggbeater, but it went crazy.
It was a very crazy eggbeater. Actually, it wasn't crazy at first. But then it went crazy.
It used to beat eggs like there was no tomorrow. But then tomorrow came. And then it stopped beating eggs and it started going crazy.
You see, I got this eggbeater one day. It went crazy the next. I bought it off of a man in the street named Bubba. He was crazy.
I said "hi, what's your name" when I saw him in the street.
He said to me, "my name is Bubba, what is yours?"
"I am Helga. Would you, by any chance, have an eggbeater that I could use? I want to make myself a pancake but I have not a clue as to where my eggbeater is."
"I like pancakes," he said to me.
"Yes, pancakes are very good. But I can't have a pancake if I have no eggbeater. Do you have an eggbeater?"
"I have an eggbeater. It's in my pants."
"Um… I don't mean that kind of eggbeater," I told him.
"Don't worry, it is the kind of eggbeater that beats eggs. Just like the eggbeater that you have in mind. I can read your mind, you know, so I know what kind of eggbeater you want."
"You can read my mind?"
"Yes, I can. Right now you are thinking that I am crazy."
"How did you guess?"
"I didn't guess. I just read your mind."
"Oh. Well in that case, can you sell me an eggbeater? And since you can read my mind, I trust that it will be a good eggbeater."
"It will be an eggbeater that is different from any other eggbeater."
So he sold me the eggbeater and wished me luck on my wonderful pancakes. He also told me to remember his name, Bubba. I said that I would and I went home and beat eggs.
The eggbeater beat eggs like there was no tomorrow. For one day it beat eggs like so. It beat so many eggs that it would make chickens sad to see their eggs beaten. I would be sad if I laid an egg and then it was beaten. Actually that happened to me once… five years ago. I woke up in the middle of the night and I had a stomach cramp and then I laid an egg. And then I beat it with an eggbeater. And it made me sad, but it had to be done. Because I like beating eggs.
I loved my eggbeater. I slept with it that night. At midnight I woke up. The eggbeater had walked to the kitchen and it was beating kiwis.
I say to it, "no, eggbeater! You must beat eggs, not kiwis! I need those kiwis for to put in my wonderful pancakes!"
And the eggbeater turns around and says, "sucks to your wonderful pancakes!" in a British accent.
And I say to him, "no, eggbeater! You do not suck pancakes! You chew them thoroughly so as to properly indulge in the habit of pancake eatation. Now stop beating my kiwis!"
And it said, "no, Helga! I want to beat your kiwis!"
So I walked over to it and I pointed my finger at it ever so sternly. And it bit my finger off. And I said to it, "eggbeater, have you gone crazy?"
And it told me that it had.
So then suddenly it picked up the phone and called out for pizza. 5 minutes later a pizza delivery boy came and dropped off our pizza. The eggbeater ate the pizza and he said to me, "this pizza is better than your wonderful pancakes."
So I was very angry at this crazy eggbeater and I said to it, "I hate you eggbeater! I hope you die! I'm going to bring you back to Bubba and tell him that I don't like you!"
So I walked over to where Bubba was and I told him that I was not enjoying my eggbeating experience. He told me that his neck was sore and asked me to massage it. So I massaged his neck and told him that I wanted to give him the eggbeater back. So then he pulled another eggbeater out of his pants and the eggbeater hissed at me. So I pointed my other finger at it sternly and told it that hissing was rude and not very becoming of a prudent eggbeater such as itself. So it bit my finger off. So I told Bubba that I did not like his eggbeaters and went storming back to my house. And the eggbeater had ruined all of my kiwis so I told it to buy me new kiwis to make up for the loss. And it said no. So I hit it with my hand and it bit my hand off. So I went back to Bubba and Bubba's eggbeater bit my other hand off so I stormed back to my house.
But then I realized that I loved my crazy eggbeater. It was ever so good an eggbeater. Yesterday it had beaten eggs like there was no tomorrow. Now it was tomorrow. And it wouldn't beat eggs anymore because it beat so greatly yesterday. But I decided that I had to pay homage to yesterday's beating. So I leaned over to kiss my eggbeater. And it bit my head off.
Once I had an eggbeater. It went crazy.