The Mamma Conflict My name is Joe Mamma. The agent Joe Mamma. I was looking to catch this big time robber named Yo Mamma. I was on the case with a man named My Mamma. Well, I was walking down the street when I bumped into a very tall man, about 6'9", in a basketball uniform. I didn't see much of him until I looked up. He apologized and said that his name was My Mamma. I said that I had heard about him, and that my name was Joe Mamma. He recognized the name, and blurted out, "Hey, we're working on that case together!"
I started to say, "Yes, and I think that--" but I was cut off by a soprano voice shrieking like there was no tomorrow.
"Stop that inferior being!" the voice screamed.
I turned around, and who did I see but Yo Mamma. He had gotten into a car, and he was heading uptown as fast as he could go. I quickly hailed a cab and said, "follow that car!"
The cab driver looked like this was his dream come true. Finally he had some excitement in this boring life of his, and he was going to make this so exciting that his next 50 reincarnations would remember it. I noticed Yo Mama's red car speeding away, and the cab driver looked quite ticked off. He looked like he wanted to pull out a revolver and puncture that driver's head. My Mamma said, "catch up to him," and the driver obeyed. I saw the speedometer go from 20 to 80 miles per hour, and soon after that heard a police siren. I was surprised that we hadn't hit traffic yet, because we had gone from Chinatown and now were approaching Laguardia Airport. I remarked that he Yo Mama was probably going to catch a plane to someplace faraway such as the island of Fiji, and I asked My Mamma, "do you have any binoculars?"
He replied "Of course! What kind of an agent would leave his binoculars at home? I have a binocular that most people probably won't see for 50 years!"
He was right. With those futuristic binoculars, I could see Yo Mamma's airplane ticket, and it said that he was going to board a plane to Guatemala in one hour. "Yes!" I yelped. I felt like jumping for joy. The problem was that if I did, I'd bump my head on the ceiling of the taxi. I went on to say, "He's boarding a plane to Guatemala in one hour, so we can catch him in the airport!"
No sooner had the words left my mouth, I heard a policeman yelling into a loudspeaker. "Pull over! You're going three times as fast as the law allows."
I started off by saying "It's okay, give me a ticket, but don't delay me. I'm a special agent, and I have to catch a big time criminal right now."
When I saw the doubting look on his face, I looked at My Mamma and he said to the cop, "What in the name of shitaki mushrooms is your problem? You're delaying us, and then Yo Mamma goes to Guatemala along with his own little treasury stolen from innocent USA citizens!"
The police officer's look got even stranger, and confusedly he said "Oh! You wanna mess with my mamma?"
so we both looked at the cab driver. He said in his Pakistani voice, "They speak the truth, oh Mr. Policeman. By the way, that is a most very much so nice sweater you're wearing."
The look upon the face of the policeman went from angry and confused to exasperated and ticked off. Then he looked like he was Pythagorus solving that problem where he said "Eureka!" and he said, "I'm going to have to arrest you for drunken driving." The man thought that we were drunk. He proceeded to search our car for drug possesion, and gave us a few drunk tests, and even after finding no drugs and that we weren't drunk he still took us to the police station to save himself embarrassment.
My name is My Mamma. The agent My Mamma. What happened after that little incident with that simpletonic police officer is we were taken to a police station and after the simpleton let us go we finally got a plane to Guatemala for the next day.
Once in Guatemala me and Joe Mamma grabbed a rental car and started checking out every hotel in the whole entire nation to try and find Yo Mamma. One hotel said that they had a fitting description of our description and the concierge told us that our man had left the hotel with a green haired guy. He said that from what he gathered of the conversation they were going to this hidden place that he happened to know about, so he gave us directions. I wish that all people were helpful like that, and I also wish that all the people from Guatemala spoke English like that. Most agents know many languages. Well, Joe Mamma and I do, but this is the first time we've needed to know Spanish, so we never tried to learn. Joe Mamma knows a few phrases, but he gets the masculine and feminine stuff all mixed up, and when he speaks he insults the whole nation. All I know is how to say "hello," and "good-bye," but I get them mixed up. I don't know whether "adios" is "hi" or "bye." So we hopped in our rental car, and Joe Mamma started searching inside of all of the cars on the beat up old road with my binoculars. He finally found one that had a green haired guy inside, and he said, "Follow that red car with the horns on top!"
The car was heading for the same place we thought our man was heading, so we followed it. When we came to tough terrain, I hopped out and pursued the car on foot, while Joe Mamma went by car. The red car that belonged to Yo Mamma led us through the jungle, and then into the open again. That's where I fell behind the two cars, being that I was going by foot and Yo and Joe Mamma were going by car.
Yo, it's Joe Mamma again, and since My Mamma was slouching behind on foot, I was following Yo Mamma the 20th century way: By automobile. We came to a very narrow spot, and Yo Mamma slowed down. I, however, gunned up the speed and crashed into them. That's when my memory got blurry. I noticed their car go off of the cliff, and my car crashed into the mountain next to the road that I was pursuing Yo Mamma on. That's where the blurs ended, and everything became blank instead.
My Mamma's here again, because Joe Mamma was unconscious during this period of time. When I came to the spot of the crash I noticed an overturned car, but I didn't realize whose it was. I ran back into town and called the ambulance. Then I went into a house for American tourists, and I noticed that the news was on. Fortunately, everything was translated into English, but it wasn't the best news in the world. The news anchor said, "Joe Mamma just got hurt in a car accident."
There was an old man sitting in a chair, and he looked quite confused. "No she didn't. What's that guy talking about?"
I noted that this man wasn't too bright. Before I could note anymore about that half-wit, a bullet went whizzing by right under my nose. So I turned around and right outside, magnum in hand, was the man with green hair. I gave him the finger, and pretended to pull out a gun. I did a good enough impression to scare him away, but I knew that I'd be seeing more of that green headed glutton. Just then the concierge dude from the hotel rushed in. He said, "I heard that your companion was in a car accident. I'll show you to the hospital where he is."
The hospital wasn't that encouraging. It was inside a cave, but not only that, the doctor was watching MTV on one of those portable televisions. I said, "Hi, is that Joe Mamma?"
He replied in Spanish, "No, senor. My Mamma is in Rome, no esta aqui."
I was quite confused. I was here in Guatemala, not in Rome. Then I noticed that he had been talking about his mamma, not me. I said, "No, I mean Joe Mamma. The agent Joe Mamma."
He replied, in English this time, "My mamma's no agent. She's a minimum wage housekeeper!"
That really ticked me off. "What do you mean I'm not an agent! I have proof. ID. You name it, I have it." "Do you have $50,000,000 to spare?" he asked sarcastically. Then he walked over to Joe Mamma and said, "is this who you're looking for?"
I was really exasperated, and instead of answering, I just glared at him. He said "Wake up you old hag!" to Joe Mamma, and right then and there, Joe Mamma woke up. Once he had been conscious for a second, he screamed bloody murder. I turned around and saw the man with green hair, magnum in hand.
This is Joe Mamma. I was surprised to see that guy alive, because I had knocked him off of that cliff. I remembered seeing his green hair standing up straight, and that wasn't an experience that I'd forget. Well, anyway, that green haired dude dispatched the doctor with one shot, and I wasn't exactly crying for him. That doctor was one of the most annoying idiots I've ever seen, and I've seen my share of idiots. Then I pulled out a handgun I always take along with me, just as all agents should. My Mamma didn't have any weapons, so I tossed him my other handgun, which I keep around just in case something like that happens. I shot a warning shot right around the green headed guy's chin, and then I started backing off with my gun pointed at his head. Just then, Yo Mamma walked in with a bazooka, so I started pondering how to escape. My Mamma took a shot at Yo Mamma's bazooka, and there was a huge explosion. It knocked everybody back about 20 feet, and then the concierge guy from the hotel said, "Follow me. I know a back exit."
I said "Good. By the way, what's your name?"
"As a matter of fact, its His Mamma," he said, quite to my surprise. We made it out the back exit without any bullets in our back, and then we hid behind a big tree and followed the two of them. Yo Mamma was saying to the green head "Hey, Jahotma, where do you think we should corner them next?"
"Oh, I don't know. I'll see you round," Was the reply.
I said quietly, after Yo Mamma was out of sight, "Okay, My Mamma, you follow that Jahotma guy. I'll follow Yo Mamma along with His Mamma."
We raced after them.
I saw Yo Mamma, and I fired a shot right above his head. He turned around and fired a shot ten feet above my head. I was surprised to see his gun, but I guess he carried a hand gun around for the same reasons that I do. Then I saw a parked car, so I busted in and took off in pursuit of Yo Mamma, while His Mamma was running him down on foot.
We came to a clearing; the same one that I had knocked them off of, when Yo Mamma turned around, fired a warning shot at His Mamma, grabbed him and said, "stop right there. You are my hostage."
His Mamma didn't listen. He lashed out with a karate kick. He took such a wild karate kick that he knocked himself over the cliff, along with Yo Mamma. Yo Mamma, however, had a parachute. He just can't lose, can he? This reminded me of a story I had heard about a boxer that had taken such a wild punch that his momentum carried him out of the ring and he was knocked out. The same thing had happened here, but His Mamma was knocked out for good. Right then I saw that Jahotma character running around the bend, followed by My Mamma, hand gun in hand. Jahotma kept on firing warning shots at My Mamma, and finally one hit him in the leg. He fell down instantly, and he had a look of pain that you wouldn't believe on his face. I rushed up behind Jahotma, and fired an uppercut to the back of his neck. The hit paralyzed him for a little bit, and then I walked up face to face with him and took a shot at his funny bone. It shot a jolt throughout his body, and suddenly he wasn't paralyzed. His finger was pulled back by the jolt, and it squeezed onto his gun's trigger. Once the trigger was pulled, a small explosion sounded. A bullet went flying through the air, and it hit My Mamma in the center of the face. The jolt of the gun also sent Jahotma's left elbow backwards, right at me, and the force knocked me over the cliff.
There's no way to describe those falling moments, but you'll be surprised at the way that I do describe it. It was very exhilarating. I was flying down at the speed of the bullet that had hit My Mamma, and then I landed with a very loud thud on top of His Mamma. Right then and there, life was over. Now I'm back in a new life. I've found out about what happened to those criminals. Jahotma, whose last name is Gungliotiotiahuealatan, became president of the U.S., and made every citizen his personal slave. Yo Mamma did the same thing to Mexico, and then they teamed up to make the whole world their slaves. Whoa! I've got to go! Yo Mamma wants me to milk the cows. Whoa! Wait just a minute! He has a gun in his hand, and it's pointed right at me. I guess he found out who I was last life. Now a bullet is flying straight at my head. . . enough said.