I am not a doctor
but I am a handyman
and the stethoscope
has nothing over my hammer.

Na, I can fix you
I can fix you good.

I will remove rusty nails from your rib cage
your ribs will collapse
your structure be not as strong
and your organs ever so prone.

I will pull your ribs out of your ass
and construct you a sturdy ribcage
I will hammer in new nails
that will not ail you so.

I will reinsert it into your body
with a kinky screwdriver,
and then realize
that it is not your ribcage that is your problem,
but your breast bone!

Stupid buffalo
could have told me that in the first place.

I will tear your breast bone out of your body
with my teeth
and savagely construct a crucifix.
I will place Jesus on your bones
and nail him in good
poseable arms and all.

I will be the King of Rome
he will be the King of the Jews
and give some wicked good head.

Now, prepare for me to bestow you
with Breast Bone Jesus
to have for your very own.

Come, now, to the temple
where I, the ever handy Rhabbi
will join you and Kathy Rin
in Holy Matrimony.

Jesus will be watching
and as your heart beats
you beat him.