Purple Monkeys Running Amok There are monkeys running about! There are monkeys running about!
Ay me, what are these silly monkeys doing running about?
And they aren't normal monkeys, mind you—they're purple monkeys and their names are Bobo!
The zookeeper is running after the monkeys. He is not very happy with the monkeys' behavior. He is saying "what are you silly monkeys doing?" but he isn't using the word 'silly'. He is using the word 'fucking'.
What a rude zookeeper! What problems has he with the monkeys? I like these monkeys. I like it when monkeys run about.
There is also a man wearing a lab-apron and goggles with funny hair running after the monkeys. He is apologizing to the zookeeper, telling him, "I didn't mean to turn the silly monkeys purple!" but he isn't using the word 'silly'. He is using the word 'fucking'.
What a rude scientist monkey color changer person dude! Why must he swear at the silly monkeys! And some of those monkeys are undoubtedly young monkeys. He is corrupting them! They shouldn't be hearing so profane words at such a young age!
There is a janitor running after the monkeys. He is telling them to stop shitting upon the zoo grounds, for he has to clean up the zoo grounds. I can understand his disliking the actions of the monkeys. After all, I wouldn't want to spend all day cleaning up monkey shit. Monkey shit isn't meant to be cleaned.
There are funny, drugged out people wearing necklaces with peace signs and yin-yangs and tie-dye shirts running after the monkeys saying, "hey, trippy monkeys, like keep on shittin' man, we're gonna get high tonight!"
The funny people are picking up the monkey shit with pooper scoopers!
They are also laughing at what a funny word "pooper scooper" is as they are up-picking the shit of the silly monkeys.
They are taking paper out of their pockets! And matches too!
I hope they don't light the zoo on fire! Then I would have to run away, and I do not want to run away because I want to watch the silly purple monkeys.
The funny people are placing the monkey shit inside pieces of paper!
Their fingers are getting messy! I hope they aren't going to eat anything sticky anytime soon because when you eat sticky things you are often accustomed to licking your fingers so as to get rid of the stickiness and taste the stickiness, and if they lick their shat-up fingers then they will find a pleasant, coprophagicidal surprise!
They are rolling the shit papers! Shit is bulging from the open ends of the paper and falling onto the funny people's feet!
I wonder why they aren't wearing shoes. If you plan to drop shit upon your feet, you should wear shoes. It is simply the prudent thing to do. Otherwise your feet get all shat-up and when you walk you feel a squoosh… and it isn't a good squoosh, mind you, it's a very shitty squoosh.
They are lighting the matches! Uh oh, maybe they do plan to burn the zoo! I'd better get ready to run. No, why, they aren't going to burn the zoo. They are lighting the shit-papers on fire.
They are giggling… "man, this is some good shit right here".
They divide the burning shit-papers among themselves and they raise them to their lips. They open their mouths and inhale the shit-smoke. A shit-eating grin appears instantly on thier faces.
"Hey, man, we're smokin' monkey shit!"
I began to stare in utter shock. They were smoking monkey shit!
They began to giggle more frequently. I watched for hours, becoming increasingly shocked that they were smoking the shit of the silly purple monkeys.
Then they stopped smoking monkey shit. But I still stared at them as they giggled.
I stared for an hour more, and then they began to giggle less frequently.
One of the funny people yelled at that moment, "I'm not high anymore, man".
Another one of the funny people said, "yeah, I'm not either. And that weird dude is still staring at us."
The funny people began to approach me.
"Why are you staring at us, man?"
"Because you are smoking the shit of those silly purple monkeys!"
"Oh, dude, you mean those monkeys were actually purple? It thought it was just the acid…"
"You were smoking the silly monkeys' shit!"
"Hehe… I tell ya those monkeys were pretty silly. 'Least, their shit made me silly!" one of the funny people chimed in.
"Why do you smoke their shit?"
"Because we like it, man, that's all there is to it. It's fun to get high off monkey shit."
"Oh. Well, in that case, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch the silly purple monkeys again."
"Dude, those monkeys are, like, gone now. They ran away from the zoo hours ago. I was high and even I noticed that."
"What? But I want to watch the monkeys!"
"Well you're just gonna have to go to some other zoo that has purple monkeys running amok… cuz these monkeys aren't here anymore, man."
"But… but… I liked those monkeys!"
I began to weep. I wanted to see the monkeys!
"Oh, man, don't cry. There'll be other purple monkeys."
"There will?" I asked.
"Uh… actually, there won't. Monkeys aren't purple, shit, even I know that. If ya wanna see some purple monkeys then you're gonna have to get on acid, dude."
"Dammit you funny people made me stop watching the monkeys! Why did you have to do that!"
"Man, we never made you mind our business. If you'da just min'd your own business then you'da seen your monkeys. You didn't have to watch us smoke their shit."
The funny people were right. I should have minded my own business. Why should I worry if they are smoking monkey shit? It isn't my life, it's theirs. I should just let them live their lives as they want and not bug them about it.
And that goes for you, too, federal government! The friggin' good for nothing CIA and all you fucking senators and goddamn congressmen and them damn presidents too… always telling us how we should live our lives. Yo dudes, we're the ones that are living our lives, not you, so buzz the fuck off, aight?