That first time you died
it really made me sigh
I thought I’d never fly
again,

but you purged my sins
and urged my fins
to set sail,
but didja have to get nailed
to tha cross?

You were such a trippin’ dude,
and even though you could be so lewd
your death was a loss;

but now just cuz your life’s a wreck
mary magdalene got you hen-pecked
and the Jokers all done left yer deck,
don’t give you the right to strangle my neck!

So jesus tell me why
Your face is on my tie?

why’s the fabric blue
why’s the design swirly?
why were you always so girly?
We need a man to be messiah!
pansy hippie just gonna be a pariah
another baptizer with long hair
for whom nobody cares

the state crucifies your wise ass,
if you don’t wanna get raped
you’d best escape
and wade in the water… like a fuckin’ otter
depraved nave in blue waves
girly-girl, bathe in them swirly-swirls

how you gonna get the whole wide world
in your hands
until you’ve traveled every inch of the land
drank the dead sea, eaten the sand,
if tha resurrection don’t go down as planned
and you’re deserted by your doubting band,
would you still say god’s so good and grand?
who d’ya think you are? Job?

if your father don’t give you a car
or don’t let you become a punk rock star,
will you disrobe
your priestly garments?
pierce your ear lobes
take up armaments
and smash that fat cat Caesar
like he ain’t but a tweezer?

Oh but jesus, please us
and tell us why
your face is on my tie!

is Adam’s apple telling lies?
or is it saying final goodbyes?
when your dictates strangle me,
why’m I so surprised?
a long time ago I realized
you got your head in the skies…

if you look down just once
you’re gonna stop floating
be such a dunce
and start a-bloating

who in their right mind would be doting
on a fat burnout who got the gout
who listens to the dead pout
but ignores the living,
politicians got nothing unless they’re giving

and Jesus, tell me
is it true?
Didja know how to swim
when they baptized you
did it hurt your limbs
when they crucified you?
was anything dim
when they resurrected you?
why were you so prim
when Europe elected you?

Just three days, dawg
you needn’t have strayed
as you laid in your grave you would’ve been saved
but you changed, you reformed
you conformed to the norm
sent missionaries hoppin’ like frogs who
belittle the swarms
with elastic tongues

do you care that everyone’s
hungry?
the word of god can’t fill
a continent’s belly
at least Satan will
bring us to a deli
and bake us a bagel
smeared with cream cheese and temptation
but what’s to fear other than emaciation?

Oh jesus woncha tell me why
your face is on my tie?

if a drunk dumped water on your head
would you give him wine instead?
if Satan baked a loaf of bread
who cares what Marie Antoinette said,
if a skeleton gave you a menacing glare
would you vanish into air?
if a vampire drank your blood
would you wash the wound with soapy suds?

I’m talkin’ to eu-
cha-rist,
when all my vegetables are diced
I’m gonna cook up somethin’ nice,
but if your neck is bleeding
if my neck is choking
then you’re no longer leading
and all the apostles are smoking.