Jesus Saves God Shaves One day I started shaving
the hair around my nipples
I got excited when I saw
the absence of hair
that I decided that shaving
was the greatest spiritual experience one could have
the act of ridding one’s body hair
letting it drop to the ground and join mother earth
will bring me to one with god
so I shaved my head
and my pubic hair
and my legs
and my toenails
and then I shaved my nipples off
and then I shaved my scalp off, down to my brain
and I shaved the head of my cock, the peach fuzz of the urethra
and my nose and ears off
and I shaved my skin off and my lungs
and all my organs
and then I met St. Peter
he was one hairy hombre,
so I shaved off his halo and ferret moustache
and ran through the gates
to the angels who plucked lyres
and they wanted me to give them oral pleasure
and I was about to but realized
they didn’t shave so i
ran past them to jesus
but he was hairy as a goat,
ran to muhammed
might as well have been a furball
ran to buddha, who was bald
on his head,
but peaking through his robes I saw
a forest of hairs, each struggling to photosynthesize,
under his arms,
ran to Zeus,
but his naked asshole was in full bloom,
so I ran to god
and didn’t see anything
only heard Jimi Hendrix jamming with a band of gypsy angels,
and Sappho reciting her poetry in a million tongues
and soon thereafter I saw
strobe lights illuminating
green mists and purple hazes
lightning and rain
trees standing tall
and in the middle of it all
I saw a bald platypus with purple skin
wielding an almighty spatula