Jesus Saves Jesus Shits Jesus strutted into the house with three wise ass punks last evening
said, "yo, man, we been eating dogfood all day long
we gotta take shits
but none of the store managers let us use their crappers
cuz they can smell the magnitude to burst from our asses.
Can we shit here,
you n’ me bein’ tight and all?"
I grunted
this was not the first time
Jesus had stopped by to shit.

If those motherfuckers
started eating birdseed instead of dogfood
maybe they wouldn’t be so explosive
but I let ‘em stop in anyway
cuz I know what it’s like to be
captor of a restless shit
lookin’ for a new home.
I said,
"yo mothafucka,
set that shit free."

So they chilled out in their respective bathrooms for a while
I put on some gospel music so I wouldn’t hear their asses quaking
and then I went downstairs
to get a hot pocket and some ice cream
and saw Jesus trying to sneak out
away form the heinous
clogged
mess he left behind.
"Shit, yo, you gonna clog my toilet and just bounce?"
What the fuck, Jesus?
Some fucking savior you are.
Get in there and
unclog that shit
or I’ll spank you. Really Hard."

He said he’d do it, but only if I spanked him,
so I spanked that biatch good
considered breaking out them whips n chains
but decided against it
cuz when he don’t wipe his ass it’s a major turnoff
so I just ushered him into the bathroom
locked the door so he couldn’t split again.

I checked the other bathrooms for them punks
one of the toilets
was filled with golden shit
another smelled of fragrant incense
and the last held a pile of shit
myrrhaculously beautiful.
But, as pleasing be those shits,
the toilets were still clogged,
so I set Jesus to work on those too.