Jesus Bitchin' Apple Pie Tristan and I
were just reminiscing bout the time
Jesus came to our summer camp.
He was reparing his kitchen
so he spent a few nights
He snored
and everybody thought it was Tristan
but no, it was Jesus keeping us awake.

He played soccer once
with his very own nutsack
he pissed in Elisha’s pond
after a long night of smokin’ crack
and he walked up on the pissed upon water
and he played Creed at campfire
then jumped into the fire
and disappeared.

That Jesus guy was weird.

Crazy Tom used to be a Christian but after Jesus stole the nails from the woodshop he bitched him out and went and joined a space-alien cult in Montana.

Jesus didn’t like my dirty poetry
about shoving electric teethbrush up Brian Fendell’s ass
he didn’t like Tristan’s poem
"I Hate God",
he was saying like,
"why you gotta dis my dad, yo?"
Tristan was a bit peeved by Jesus
so he wants to start the Christian holocaust

Yeah, Jesus spent some drunken nights
with my Lodge 57 Platypi
but then after he stole the nails
and got himself crucified
he said goodbye
and left us an apple pie
that he had baked in his refurbished kitchen.
The pie was tastin’ pretty bitchin’,
and as I was eatin’
I noticed it tasted
kinda like Eden.

A skunk was killed by a serpent that night,
and it smelled alright to me.