It was not a vegetarian.

I occasionally took it out to walk
I did not let it run,
‘else I would get a hernia in my lung.
I only let it piss on fire hydrants
which was often problematic
for the fire men do not appreciate
relief of dogs
because all of their cousins are mailmen with torn trousers
I did not let it shit during our walks
and when it did anyway
I reprimanded it and made it pick up its own feces with its very own paws and
I did not let it use my plastic baggie.

It was very messy.

I do not think I was too authoritarian, however,
because I did allow my dog to
hump the legs
of power-lesbians
on their cigarette lunch break.

It turned me on.

During the morning
I fastened headphones to its ear with duct-tape
and cerebrally deprogrammed the canine equilibrium
with outpourings and inductings of
Faust
and Fluxus
and Yasunao Tone
and Yoko Ono
and Sonny Bono.

It was very shady.

During the afternoon
I forced it to pick up all incoming telephone calls
and answer all my friends with telltale desperate growls
so that they would know that it is my house they have reached

It saved me energy.

During the night
I forced it to write poetry
that I would recite the next day in front of large crowds of people
who paid me to hear me bare my dog’s soul.

It paid the electricity bill.

All the poems were about
attacking two year olds who run down hills in Central Park
(which I only let my dog do when I was nowhere to be seen)
Everybody thought it was
symbolic of
battle between humans and animals,
vulnerability of youth,
and stuff like that.

It was all bullshit.

But one day
the store ran out of dog food
so I put lacerated cabbage into the litter box that it ate from.
It got pissed off.
It bit my shoe (which didn’t hurt because the shoe was not on my foot,
but instead resting near the open door)
It galloped out the door
to the subway
hopped the turnstile
and wagged its green, spiralling tail 6 times
before the train took off to Astor Place,
where he got off
and went to the Hare Krishna temple,
where he was crucified
to symbolize
the low level of consciousness
of mundane cats and dogs
(dumb animals don't got no Godhead
they just eat
and sleep
and defend themselves
barking out their territory
and they fuck too
if they have not been neutered)
but that was bullshit
cuz my dog was an enlightened Buddhist monk in its past life.

It just wasn’t a vegetarian.

and for that
he was crucified
to embody canine karma.

He did not die for your sins.