Seemed kinda strange
that wood would emerge from dirt
also seemed kinda strange
that somebody would so choose to
just place a stump upon the ground one day
and strangest of all
the stump never grew.

The farmers in the area
anxious for another tree
in hope that it might bear apples
or at least provide some shade
called doctors from far and wide
to figure out what was wrong.

a lack of testosterone!
one exclaimed, and offered a solution
for a price:
If the farmers
gave him all their apples
he would issue a prescription
for all the steroids one stump could desire,
a contrat was signed
and he disappeared in a flash of fire
which was secreted from the ajar jawbone
of a dragon
who happened to stumble upon the scene
in the midst of searching for a fair maiden
that he might eat for breakfast.

All the appels were burnt in the fire
so all the teachers in the area
quit
because their sucked-upon bonuses
were absent,
and all the children
didn’t learn their tiems tables
and forgot their ABCs
so the dragon, experiencing
a change of heart
became a vegetarian
shaved his scales
painted his muscular tissue orange
and chanted Maharamas for atonement.

To everybody’s astonishment,
steroids did nothing for the stump
and one night when the snow flurries
commingled with the earth,
the stump was covered in a hurry
a mere bump
a white lump
seemingly canerous upon
the hide of our planet,
so the Environmental Protection Agenecy
ordered it removed.

The lumberjacks were called
and felt belittled by the minute task
until they found
a disproportionate barrel
of golden apples
inside the queerly hollow stump
They ate the apples,
their teeth turned to stone,
the snow became salt
everyone was dehydrated
and the golden goose squawked:
“I told you so!”
even though it had never uttered a word in its life
even before
the farmers’ axe
had shattered its avian rib cage
and splattered goose organs
hither and thither;

the vegetarian dragon
voiced solidarity with the golden goose
by tattooing “Meat is Murder”
in an unmentionable region of his body.