Howdy, y'all, my name is Sheriff William Livingstone. Honest. My name truthfully is William Livingstone. Hey, now, I got a sneakin' supposition that's tellin' me you aren't finding me to be believable, but I swear my name really is William Livingstone. Sure, it ain't the name my mama named me, and don't none of my friends call me it, and when you come down to the matter of the fact even if you search the four corners of the world you won't find one person who calls me it, but for someone what got smarts like me I see no reason why I should allow people to call me by my birth name Bubba. I am an intelligent man. If you're gonna be scientific, which I am if I do say so myself, then man is Homo ape-being, and I demand a fitting name like William Livingstone regardless of how much people regard me by it. And to explain what Homo ape-being means is homo is Old English for man and since we are men and we all are really apes underneath the scientists decided to call us Homo ape-beings. Yes sir, you're darned tootin' I know my scientifs. I know chemicalstry and physicalogy and all them sciences even though I didn't go to no college. No siree Bob I didn't need no college, I would've been too intellecting for any college this country's got. I'm Admiral's Millian born and bred; I done lived here all my life. There sure are some great people livin' round hereabouts. The city slackers, they even came up with a nickname for our type. They call us the Right Stash, seeing as we are the right stash of people here in Admiral's Mill. Take Eunice, for example, she's a great gal. And that brings me to the point of me writing all this down. You see, one day I was strolling by Eunice's house. And, hey you! Stop that sinning grinning! I was not going to Eunice's house on terms of monkey business! I am not interested in Eunice like that! For God's own sake she's my cousin! I don't commit no incest! If you ask me it's old Charlie Carson who's the monkey in this business, but that ain't my concern so I'd best shut down my trap. I wasn't lost either if that's what you're thinking. No, ol' Bubba never been lost once in his life. I'm a very directionally coordinate man. I was just out on a stroll and I passed by her house and I could sense some commotion and seeing as I'm the sheriff I decided I'd best knock on her door and see what all was going down. Ms. Olivia-Ann was holding Bluebell the maiden's hand and a hog knife and they were singing some sort of dreary hymn in the front yard, so I says hello and I tip my hat as a greeting being the gentleman I am and then I knock on the door. So then Ms. Eunice herself opened the door for me and when I saw her yielding this big old civil war sword I was frightened some. But she explains that she's just killing her son in the law. I figured that if it's in the law then it can't be all that bad even if it is murder so I stopped by for a drink of coffeeChino, or Chinese Coffee to those who aren't familiar with that expression, and I chatted with Eunice and listened to an occasional piano playing from inside the parlor while the neighbors tried to knock down the door and kill the son according to what's in the law.