Opiate Dreams

It’s all happened After much thinking, my dreams have become reality. The only thing that remained a mystery was, how.

“As my own teachers have reminded me, no matter what part of the world each of us originates from, no matter who our most recent ancestors were or how or where we live today, each one of us descends from shamanic ancestry. No matter how far we feel have moved away from that legacy, each one of us has the ability to reconnect to that part of ourselves that extends beyond our physical selves, the part that is free to explore the cosmos and gain knowledge and insight from our allies in the spirit world. That knowledge is within us, however hidden under layers of cultural conditioning it may be. Each one of us can step outside of the Newtonian vision of the world that we have adopted and access the infinite.”

Hillary S. Webb

And the axes have changed

In the forces of life

The moment is coming

Have you found your side

The anger is rising

In the beast that is man

We have lost our love

For our Mother, our land

The brethren must stand strong

In these last battles

I know my heart

Do you know your own?

It had seemed to me that life had lost all meaning. My so called parents weren’t really what I was expecting, but then again, how could I know what to expect. My friends were nothing more than people that I knew, but deep down, I couldn't really relate. In fact, it seemed to me that everybody I knew were nothing more than people I knew, with no real attachments to them. I guess out of all the movies I had seen and the things I had read, life would have been something else. There has always been this constant battle being fought on the border of reality and my imagination. And in the end, I was always disappointed. Living a life without the love needed to strive could be nothing more than a constant routine of things that seemed unnecessary. Because after so much effort I wondered when do we actually get our lucky brake? I am simply tired of being lied to, 24 hours a day. When do they actually get down to what’s really going on, instead of trying to sell me a car and the promise that my life will be oh so enhanced and improved with a certain fabric softener. With no place for an actually conversation, a man tends to talk to himself, after a while. But wait, isn’t that something close to schizophrenia? How is a person seen when he talks to himself out-loud? The number of times I have been called weird and looked at cock-eyed, the words and gestures lost all meaning. Apparently the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that one day, out of the blue, I might just happen to bump into that special someone. My significant other. I am no stranger to the burnings of love, but after a while, a person changes and so do his feelings. Is it because society changes, and the invisible pressures around us gains more weight, or simply the fact that hey, it’s happening, why even bother to ask?

A word un-said, can only be felt

An emotion un-felt, can only be cried

Upon my face, my tears have been dealt

A feeling so raw, my infancy lied

Our fates collide, our destiny’s crossed

Moments in time, memory’s not to be lost

Cycles of power, in a circle or eight

Our spirits connected, a path we create

I left and came back, through poll’s I exist

A crossroad from all, we dance in this ball

I slipped into fear, fear of not knowing

The truth of it all, paranoia is growing

On borders we met, brink of insanity

A moment I saw, patterns of eight

Either through body or shadow, action and thought

We only exist were the battle is fought

I tried to create, a mood to see

But I guess it wasn’t for everybody

From mistakes we shall learn, twice we were proven

We shall find our balance, to the island we go

To young to remember, at the age of 3, my parents got divorced. The continual trips to see one and go back to the other were a terrible weight that I had on my shoulders, before the age of 10. The strain on leaving one to go see the other, then leave that one to go back to the other was saddening. But an even bigger separation happened around the age of 15, when I discovered I was living in reality, and not mine. Constant pressure around me is starting to wear down my idealistic ways and values. But today is a new day, for I know the following:

Living two lives is living a lie

When deep down inside, faces do cry.

Transparency is seen when the two collide

A hero is born when the lesser has died.

June 14th 1984

To all who know what I’m really talking about. What is it that has happened to you? Why have you given up a battle that needed you on its side. Are you going to let a world be mass rapped? Have you been so disgusted that you decided to sell your talents to a cause that righteously pisses you off? The only reason you have to be so fake is because you’re still up-holding a world of masks and facades. If you knew what was going on, why did you join instead of doing your own thing? Is this the world that the youth have to be a part of? They say, that we are the future, but the future has been buried, along with your balls. These are the last words of a teen, before his consumption. Consumed by his own will, passion and desires to do exactly what ever the fuck it is he wants to do. If growing up means becoming like them, then I shall stay forever young. They are all whipped. I cannot think of a bigger tragedy then the one that is presently being lived. No wonder today’s youth is so deranged and troubled. But it seems that those who strive for phoniness create a world of it, numbing out the internal natural desire to be. Numbing is much easier done when brain and body killers are legalized. Why is it that some other drugs are illegal? Is it because they make you think too much? If they are illegal because they “harm” you, then what’s up with cigarettes? But we’re all buying. So now who’s shitting into his own mouth? Who is ruling us? Politicians we elect, that we vote for even though they’re all liars? It all comes down to who can convince you, and then you’re sold, or bought. And none of this bothers you, my fellow man? It is time we freed ourselves and our minds. Rich or poor, of any nation, we are all entitled to living a life worth while. Were is it written that we must live a life of misery and work?

Double sided, or even more

Ones a fucker, the other a whore

Joint in one and split by many

We aint feeling the same shimmy

I am an idealist. Life shines in a devilish red. I see what nobody wants to see and do the same on the verbal level. I’m so damned honest, people have stopped to like it. I let my hair grow because that’s what hair does, but I cut my nails once a week. I am not a white man, I am one-sixteenth native American and proud to be. I am not racist, dishonest and do not manipulate, or I try to. I have two sets of parents yet no guides or mentors. Every person I have depended on has cut the chain, and I do not wish to be depended on, Therefore, I am independent. My pen is my un-spoken voice. My doings betray my writings, yet I still write and for that matter, still live. I know nothing is perfect but I still try to perfect myself. I am one, in a crowd of billions that will one day cease to exist, not only physically but also in peoples minds. The very fact that I am still writing is un-important, but my hand still spells. I am one, searching for a key which is not being offered. I am the most complex being in the food chain, yet I do not understand life. Neither does the majority. But we still keep on marching, hoping that one day we will get what it is we have been looking for our whole lives. Is release equal to happiness?

Find me my friend

I think I’m lost

Find me mother

I’m scared in the dark

Find me Jesus

I don’t know what to think

Be quick to see all that is reality,

and forever be slave to humanity.

How could I not see through myself

Took a catch and drank my rye

I do not care, it’s mental health

What I’d give to see your eye

We live in this wonder

Land of fantasy

Or is it misery

How can I trust, what I do not see

I miss your feeling of ecstasy

Mushrooms. I do not believe that they should be illegal because they are a part of nature and have been used by native tribes for thousands of years, and have guided them. I do not understand how man can come to this land, slaughter a nation, and tell them that there religion is wrong and that the means they took to live there spirituality is dually wrong. There is obviously something to be learned from these power plants, and rendering such allies illegal is as preposterous as it is idiotic and close minded. But I suppose people are easier to rape when they aren’t really thinking and you’re manipulating their consciousness subliminally and with legal killers.

How I long for you

My sweet beauty

I know my love true

Make me sleepy

They hate you without knowing

Believing you’re evil and bad

They learned it while growing

They’ll never know what they’ll never had

Expand and grow my mind

Unlike any other kind

You’re rareness exciting

The feeling, delighting

I’d be your slave, masochist master

Knowing that leaving would hurt

Come to me faster

Holy Grail of the earth

Open my doors

Separating from thieves n’ whores

Take me now

Come and run with me

Fields of dreams

Barren of screams

Twist t’il I crumble

Mightiest of humble

Render me a fool, already

Humiliate, don’t mind

Goin’ down so steady

Found humanity’s find

Rape and fill

A hole you desire

Abuse to use, spine chill

My fire

A hole to society, never

But poles equator

The tug of refusal

Is a demon of a monkey

It is not because governments have branded certain drugs illegal that they instantaneously become bad. I have a theory that we are being kept in a state of non-awareness because it is the only way that I could understand why alcohol is legal (a drug which truly shuts down the brain) and other mind enhancing drugs are illegal and that society is raised the way it is. They want us to keep our goals short and focused on money, otherwise we are not productive members of society. How can the government make money off a society based on spirituality and exploring the mind, opposed to one based on mass consumption. It is why we are slaves to a machine we created, one that needs our constant focus and energy. Welcome to the lesser man's world.

March on young brain washed soldiers

Keep your head high on America’s shoulders

If met with doubt, don’t you think twice

Just give in to the easiest vice

Schizophrenia is my friend

At least he can apprehend

If only you could know

To all the good things they have said no

I saw, been back again

They don’t know, doesn’t matter

Your gaze compared to skies and stars, I lost myself in shades of dark. Embrace me, control me, do what it is that you please. I’m yours for the taking, to be used and refused. My love is hate and my hate is pure, I’ve loved so much I’ve killed you my dear. As your body lies in a motionless beat, I smell your perfume, your drug is so sweet. Come with me and show me all you have to show, and I’ll tell you all I’ve ever wanted to say. Let me open, Pandora’s Box unknown, let me show you many generations non-drone. I’ll open your mind, take a ride and sleep, I’ll always be there as long as you remain. For a person so pure would dwarf the bible, making sinning a joy through your body, my toy. Let me do to you what it is I’ve always wanted to, be mine for the taking, my spirits awaking. Shackled hands and gagged, Is how I love you, two whips from my Skag? I have seen you once, one to many times. Admitting my love is my deepest of crimes. Through a world of hate and plagued by sheep, they think they be wolves but succumb to there feet. I’ve been seeing your acts, now come and come clear. Come to me, through a plant or a tree, I’ve felt you through me and joined through a dream, now set me free.

In this last battle

Of spirits and men

Where those not visible

Will control the tide

I’m here just waiting for you

I’ll never even join your sides

For a new breed will rise

As the jungle has shown

But time she will not pry,

Mom I can hear you cry

She is there, in your face. Without moving, she stays the same. Revisited, she remains unchanged. She’s mocking you. You’d like to go on but you remain immobile. Emptiness is felt around you. Suddenly, everything disappears as if in a dream and you’ve not the slightest idea as to where you are. You’re submerged into this feeling of emptiness against your own will. Her. The border. Without knowing where she is you feel her. You look to your feet only to realize that you don’t have any. But that doesn’t bother you, as they have always been a burden. In fact, your whole body slowed you down and now you are free. The darkness has taken you in and you are one with it. The border remains there, unchanged. Your senses are no longer, but you can feel pure energy. Without having moved, you realize that you’re no longer where you were. Now, you are free and without limits. Nothing is holding you back. Funny enough, you’re alone. But you know.

To the border I shall march,

Save a race, one step ahead

Do it before the living dead.

Keeping balance on the fringe,

Long enough to fulfill

A desire you cannot kill.

Balancing doubt like a blade,

To pursue I’m not afraid.

As I walk down these halls, I suddenly begin to wonder, why? This word has been predominant through out my whole life. Everything could so easily be boiled down into a “why” question. The rest didn’t really matter to me, it was always the motives. I didn’t care as much as to how or when. I looked around, reading the inscriptions on the purplish walls.

“Grab a neuron in the fly

don’t look for rain from the skies.

You are small but move so fast

Come with me in tunnels vast”

For some reason, it started to make sense. I decided to do as the writings indicated and shot my hand out. Faster then I could realize, I had grabbed onto something or something grabbed me. I could not feel any pressure resulting as a grasp but I decided to go with the flow. As we moved in the mauve tunnels, I could still see the markings on the walls. After several twists and turns, we ended up in a core type room. The walls were covered with images, sequences, symbols, quotes and shapes. There was no opening at the top, only a dome room. As I tried to concentrate about my where about, the walls expanded, as did my ever growing mind racking. A shape began to materialize before my eyes. Energy sprites from all over were coming together to make his being. He was the guardian, existing only in the collectivity of everything’s collaborate will. Upon completion, I noticed that I was standing in front of myself. He resembled me down to the smallest detail. “Do you know where you are?” I looked up and noticed a giant sing indicating NO RAIN. Before I even started to think of an answer, I heard a no. “You are inside your mind, young opiate. I am you but you aren’t me. You are before me only because you have obtained perfect balance.” Without speaking, the words came, “Why”. “You cannot live in complete balance. It is against their laws. As you know, nothing is perfect, yet everyone strives for perfection. The image of perfection exists only in the collectivity of everyone’s will, much like I only exist because you want me to. You have attained what they refer to as perfection, yet you are not satisfied. That is why I exist. It is why I am you but you will never be me. If you have been able to find balance in society and obtain perfection, a new goal will be set and you shall continue. Society (which exists only in the collectivity of the mass much like the image of perfection) and I are like the carrot that is dangled in front of a donkey. He will run after it but will probably never actually eat it. The very few that do get it, are given a new carrot to run after. Now of coarse, in your case we aren’t talking about carrots.” Before I could even think of a new question, my vision began to blur and everything disappeared into haze. I was back in my den, pipe by my side, breathing the bitter smoke with a question that would haunt me for the rest of my life “why?”

Lost here in this place

When do things start to make face

With four arrows I will chase

Life’s starting to take pace

Threw his mouth I have stabbed

In his cheeks I’ll have had

Placed an arrow full of sorrow

Now I start a new tomorrow

I am happy for I am. Finally, a transgression has happened to my reality. I’d rather be happy and alone than to be the most popular in a world of emptiness. But of course, I sure would appreciate sharing my happiness. Here, judgment is worthless and only emotions count. Emotions are felt throughout your entire being. There is no actual need for talking because everything is understood as fast as it can be thought. And there are no negative and hate filled thoughts for they are restraints of the human. They keep you sluggish and impaired and leave no place for actual creative thinking. Because the very thought with the slightest intent of hurting, cannot be. Its place belongs on the other side of the border, were men parade the dance that is Life. All doors that could only be accessed through intensive thinking, meditation and drugs are open, and can be traversed as easily as thought. Bodies are inexistent for they are a physical restraint and only leave place for judgment. All can be seen for The True Value. There is no ranking and hierarchy only because no one is actually better then the other and those who believe they are, lose contact.

In this world is such beauty

Fate of hate born from fury

See the skies,

Mystafy’s

Feel the spirit

Do not fear it

In a dance we parade

Steps of life, a charade

Through its power you embodied

All mans thoughts, all love and greed

Form of fist crashed on face

Bringing life to outer space

I contained, restrained, obtained

Satisfaction beyond belief

Once there, there is no time, your stay is everlasting. The blink of an eye takes you back, Dreams are your daily visit, Comas are healings and the Final Death is your release from this universes constraints. Suicide only perpetuates your stay in the dance of physicality. In Death and only in un-purposely caused Death are you seen for your True Value and access without ever having to leave.

Endless realms twist, entwine

Set apart from those who whine

Set my foot upon your shrine

Endless dreams, I’m feelin’ fine

Saw and peered, gaze is fixed, struck like a spear

Saw through, saw a mirror, all shades opposite

We dance our sight, we live our fright

Come with me, let us all join a force far beyond

Beyond understanding, just something that is

Fear not the signs, as they do shock

Shock the up-brining of tv’s static shock-learning.

Go beyond what is shown, your light has shone

Just a matter of the anti-matter, just is justly right

For I have seen the tilt in your sight,

Now is time for you to wage your own fight

If in doubt, don’t look to the right, just let it write, what’s left can’t be wrong

A path shall be drawn, to your center you’re drawn.

Listen to it, it shall listen to listening.

Respond as it would, and all shall be revealed

For a path that is yours is truly your own, and not lived by a drone

Here, Freedom is True, unlike the freedom promised in the American dream. Such freedom only motivates you to work for money, which has been associated to the survival of the Body.

Don’t you believe

In divinity’s divine

Or else you will leave

The American’s shrine

The world is beautiful and so is the mind. The deeper one can think, the more he realizes how limited society is when they are subjugated to such emotional manipulation and close minded points of view. The world is an infinite number of borders that co-exist and all these variables joint make a situation, an emotion, a thought and all that it implies. If one can see that life is such a beautiful pattern of perfectly entwined variables, you can quickly see the magic that surrounds you. You can then notice that universes exist in an infinite number of places. And life is just a perfect weaving of these universes that exist on every scale. Be it the galactic universe as one would quickly relate to the term, or simply the microscopic world of atoms. But we are the puppets, the actors, the livers and the dancers in this dance that is justly the dance of life. Is the world merely a fabrication of our collective wills to co-exist in society’s that perpetuate emotions and repent in religions, only to push off death? Is it true, that we are now slaves to idealism’s and systematical societies that were created in an era of “prosperity”, with best intentions but still result in the fueling of war and planetary destruction. We truly live in a fabrication of borders lived on the physical realm and analyzed through thought. We are spirits gifted with bodies, existing in one of the universes restrained by senses and understanding. We are the joining of countless factors, which come together to make us conscience of one realm, the one of physical life. After the consumption of certain drugs, our thinking and senses are modified through a modification in the chemical’s being released and contained in the brain, thus resulting in feelings that aren’t considered normal.(Scientific analyze) But in reality, it goes much deeper then that. I cannot write it, it is something you know or you believe the scientific defintion. After taking some mushrooms, I was granted access to universes of knowledge. I have been to different stages of consciousness, each of them which I consider to be universes that are a part of every human, but need only to be accessed. Some of these worlds of thought are extremely dangerous, because they are mind traps that truly limit understanding by wrongly relating facts to judgment. I do know the feeling of completely forgetting who I was, but it was needed to be able to access different worlds of thought, and broaden my horizons.

I touched the essence of life, and feared the hate of man

But we run side by side, to march against the forces of evil

I ate you in my dreams, but never woke up just fell asleep

If you’re not in me I won’t walk, just like a zombie, tumbling stupid

When they walked down

From the frozen palace

Deep skies of purple

The roar felt threw time

He says words without meaning

The stone is still bleeding

Infinite shades seen

Without a trace of his heart

He was felt abstractly

Through gates and mirrors

Reflections lying

An invisible spirit flying

He awaits the day

Twenty years ago

When the storm came

He knew it was eight

Something arrived too late

And the bridge he saw

From over and beneath

On the rocks he sleep

It never happened

Until he realized

He woke up and saw

No shades of skies

A boy once said

All is beautiful and true

But what boy wonders?

He had no clue

To live time once again

All minds limits have to bend

I have loved her only then

Through the warps I descend

In a venue seek my jumble

Living life more then jungle

A mans last breath, hear his mumble

To our surprise it is no struggle

If we know the past can’t change

We affect the present’s past

If we can change the future’s past

Well my friend, are we deranged?

Grab a neuron in the fly

Don’t look for rain from the sky

In these tunnels, they are so vast

You are so small but go so fast

You have a purpose, every body

To build and grow for somebody

As useless as you think you be

You are potential for Dictor-“E”

“Imprisonment in the contemporary is the worst of all intellectual tyrannies.”

Weston La Barre

As I think my reality has expanded, it does.

Email: nicjamaima@hotmail.com
My thoughts always change and evolve, but I will no longer change Opiate Dreams, as it is a landmark in my life, and I keep it the way it is, so that I may truly notice the progress I make in my life.

I invite those who read Opiate Dreams to send me an e-mail if they wish, to hear what they have to say or just to chat. I am very open to criticism and conversations of any kind :). Thank you for visiting my site.


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