The Story of My Life
The life story of Poet Ann Hart
Let me begin my testimony by saying that if you are here today and still think there is no God, and He is not real, then I feel sorry for you because He brought me from the darkest pit you can ever fall into.
No one but Jesus saved my soul; and saved me at a time when my life was very empty; and my marriage was even less.
My first husband was a drunkard, and still is today. I never knew the meaning of a smile; I was always in tears. My husband drank away every cent he made. Except for times my Dad helped, I never had any food for my two boys. I lived like that until I could not stand to live any more.
I married again, thinking I had a "prince" this time. He was so good to me; but because of the thoughts my first husband planted in my head, I felt ugly.
Things went great for a few years. Back then I never knew what mental abuse was about. I just took it for granted that I was stupid. I realize now that this husband was even worse than the first - his words go deeper into my heart, and I buried it deeep inside me.
Soon I needed "nerve meds" to get me through each day. I was working very hard at the time, so needed extra pills to get me through the days and nights. In his eyes, everything I did was stupid or wrong and he yelled at me as he would at a child. I would pop more pills just to eacape his harsh voice.
Roland was a very hard man who had no time for God. Instead, he would cuss Him out. I was not saved, but it frightened me.
In 1991 I could not take any more and had a severe nervous breakdown. In the hosptial I banned all visitors, even my husband. I hated him so much.
I left Roland and kept working under stress. I had to in order ot pay my rent, which was $400 a month. I had $50 left over to eat. I don't know how I ever worked, but I did - and worked so hard that I lost 70 pounds.
Finally my husband gave his heart to the Lord, so I went back to him. Now, you'd think I would have been happy, but, NO. To me it was "too little too late". Just leave me alone and do your own thing!
Oh, how bitter I got towards the church and so-called Christians. The bitterness grew around my heart so thick that it was like a concrete wall that a crane could not get through. I lived in this house for five years under false pretenses - I did what I had to do, but stored the anger inside. After five years my friend invited me to church. I said "You are sick, get lost."
In the meantime God was giving me poems, but they were filled with bitterness. My feelings just poured out on paper, as if the pen had a mind of its own.
"Well" I thought, "Why not go up there and watch all them go silly?" I agreed to go - and told my friend "Don't you even try to get me up to that altar!"
She stayed silent, but you know God knows the heart. Although I was very cold, He never left me. They sang "Just as I am without one plea, t'was that Thy blood was shed for me" but I was as cold as snow. I would not eve shed a tear, but the preacher would not give up. He asked for the song to be played with just the music.
When they got to the third verse I bowed my head and said "Lord, if you want me up there at that altar tonight, I need help." With that, everything broke. I was up at the altar crying my heart out. All of the hate and bitterness fell at the feet of Jesus, and I have been serving Him ever since.
I still have my illness to deal with each day, but, my friends, I have a new home in Heaven, with Jesus!
I am still with my husband, and it's no "bed of roses," but everything is fine.
Now, after reading this, you can't say there is no God. Praise His Holy Name! My name is written in Heaven. Amen!
God bless you.
There's NOTHING too big for my God to do.