1. Pick one: 

Oysters on the half shell.
Salmon fillet poached with sour cream and chives.
Quiche lorraine
Chessboard Cheesecake
Rubbing Alcohol
Lasagne with enchiladas
Peanut butter cups
Wine stomped from hand-picked grapes

2. What's your stance on numbers?

Without them we'd die of an accidental poisoning.
Numbers are great!
Fooey!
What the hell?! We can't function without numbers, asshat!
Fuck 'em.
They come in pretty handy for statistics and dates.
I can count in spanish!!
Well, I'd like to see a system of commerce function without using any type of counting system...

3. Do you make people cry? 

Yes, I make grown men weep on a regular basis.
They come to me crying. But it's really the fault of their father, who didn't buy them an ice cream cone when they were 4 years old.
I'm anal about grammar. Yeah, I make people cry. Especially if they misconjugate their verbs.
Why, no. I'm too nice. 
Fuck yes. It's my raison d'etre.
I smell funny, and the fumes make people's eyes water.
No, even though angsty, sensitive people gravitate towards me.
Only if they hurt themselves. Or suck! Then I laugh in their ugly face!

4. Pick your poison: 

Tequila.
Vodka.
Something bubbly.
Milk.
Double shot espresso.
Pocari Sweat.
Mountain Dew
Chai.

5. Tell me about babies.   

Unmanifested potential, but highly prone to being screwed up at the drop of a hat.
Babies just don't get it.
They eat anything. Including acid, if available.
2.5 per household.
They're not that bright. And they drool on electronics.
Babies shouldn't run the world.
Breathe...you're doing fine... and push!
Babies speak their own language.

6. Pop quiz! What's that sweet stuff called?

Unconcious id-like desires played out on your unknowing partner.
Angsty, sweaty sex. Afterwards we drink lattes and smoke.
Boinking.
Sweetie pi. To the nth decimal.
A smart investment.
L'amoure, ma cherie! Oui, j'taime...
Sexual intercourse.
...yes...yes......ooooh...

7. What's your favourite part of cheese making?

Naming the cheese.
Killing small baby animals.
Rubbing it all over with butter to form a rind!
Measuring the right amount of milk to whey.
You know there's rennet in cheese right? Where does rennet come from? A baby calf! A baby calf's stomach! The lining of a baby calf's stomach! Well, that's my favourite part.
Talking to the cheese as it ripens.  
Eating the finished cheese.
Selling it to other countries at ridiculous prices! HA HA HA!

8. Why did you take this quiz? 

I must learn about myself! More, more!
Excuse me, I'm out of Mountain Dew.
I thought this was the Spark.com
No comprendo.
How do you know the quiz didn't take me?
I crave tactile stimulation.
I'm slacking off.
I'm going to find a coding mistake and rub it in your face. That's a hobby of mine. I take all the quizzes I can find, and analyze the code, looking for errors. (Because I'm a GEEK)

I stole this from What Random Item Are You?, who took it from The Daria Quiz, who took the code from the heepoo who took it from the Resolution Quiz who took it from the beetle quiz. And the cycle goes on...