
*splash*
You keep on walking down the beach, searching for another stone to throw. Your feet dragging behind you and your hands buried deep in your pockets, you shiver lightly, its colder than you thought it would be. The sun is on its way up as you stop and gaze over the ocean before you, your head lifted and hair blowing in the soft breeze. One hand comes up to wipe away yet another tear that has found its way down your cheek.
That little prick! you mutter silently.
You remember the first day you met him, and looking back at it, you wish it had never happened. He walked into the coffee shop where you worked, hidden behind a hat and glasses, asking for a plain coffee to go. You knew there was something familiar about his figure, but you couldnt quite place him.
He put a 10-dollar bill on the counter as he turned around and hurried back out. You thought he hadnt noticed how much money hed given you, so you followed him to give him the change, but when you opened the door, his car was already pulling out of the parking lot. With a shrug you turned back around and walked inside, putting the change in your pocket, promising yourself to give it to him if he ever showed up again.
A week later he did.
You were busy trying to convince the coffeemaker it should stop being a pain in the ass when you heard someone clear their voice behind you.
Ive heard that if you kick it really, really hard on the right side, it will obey you, he chuckled.
You turned around to face him, not recognizing his voice right away. But that laugh, that sent shivers down your spine. Well, I think it has decided to hate me today, you smiled.
You have plain coffee though?
THAT I can do, you laughed, picking up the pot. To go, or?
Yeah, thanks, he stated, pulling up his wallet.
Oh no, you said. I think you paid your share last time.
Huh?
I tried to catch up with you to give you your change, but I was too late.
I dont understand, you dont take tips? he said with a confused look.
That was a tip?
Well yeah
Oh.
After that, he would come by a couple of times a week. Youd have a small conversation as you poured his coffee, and then hed be gone. He always wore glasses and a cap or a hat, so you never got an impression of what he really looked like.
A couple of months after your first meeting, he came in late a Sunday night. There was no one else there, and for the first time he decided to sit and drink his coffee while chatting. After a few minutes, you were busy cleaning the back counter when you looked up and saw his reflection in the mirror. He had discarded of his hat and glasses, and reality hit you like a bomb. You turned back around to face him.
Do you know who you are? you blurted out.
He looked up at you with a grin. Yeah, I think so
But
Youre
That guy from NSync, yes
I thought you knew?
Uhm, no.
Well
Surprise, he yelled, throwing his hands in the air, and you couldnt help laughing when you saw the childlike expression on his face.
It took another two months before he asked you out, and from your reaction that was probably just as well. You stood there looking at him like he was an alien, your chin dropping to the floor. You wanna go out with me? you managed to stutter.
If you dont wanna, you can just say no, you know.
Its not that, I just
Arent you dating that, uhm
Would I be asking you out if I did? he questioned.
I dont know.
I wouldnt, OK?
So you went out with him, he was very persuasive. He took you on a picnic by the lake, bringing enough food to probably feed half the population of America. He wined ad dined you, and soon after you were head over heels in love with him. You shouldve known it wouldnt last, you never fit into his lifestyle and you rejected to join him for anything that had to do with his celebrity-life.
You find another stone and pick it up.
*splash*
At first, you found his cockiness attractive, as sick as it sounded. But after a while it started irritating you, and you told him flat out. Somehow he was always able to make you forget all about that in a matter of seconds. Maybe that was why you hated him so much? Because he made you lose yourself completely, he made you vulnerable.
Sometimes it would be weeks when you didnt hear from him. You would sit at home and watch TV, he seemed to be on at least one channel all the time. After convincing yourself you never wanted to see him again, this was not helping. A week later he showed up at your doorstep, carrying flowers and an apologetic smile.
I know I havent called, he said.
No. Really? you spat.
Look, Im sorry, its just that with this schedule and all
And you forgave him, for god knows which time. You were always able to find his reasons very good when you wanted to, and when he smiled at you and laughed, you were doomed. Everything would be good for a few weeks, but then something new always happened.
You sit down in the sand, facing the water, taking a deep breath. This time youve had enough. A few days ago you saw an interview where he was asked about his love life. When the journalist asked if hed found love yet, he said no right away, he hadnt found love yet in his life. The cup of coffee in your hand had dropped to the floor, breaking and spilling the hot, black fluid all over your carpet. You couldnt believe your eyes at first, but then he went on saying that he was a bachelor at heart, looking for Ms Right, before flashing that well-known smile at the camera.
You sat numb for hours, not knowing what to think. When you finally went to bed that night, you just lay there, staring at the ceiling for hours before the sun started rising. You dragged yourself to work, trying to function as best you could for the 8-hour shift. Tired as hell, you stumbled back to your apartment that evening, only to find a message from him on your answering machine.
He was his old self, telling you hed be back in town the next day and that you shouldnt make any plans the following night. The anger grew inside you, who the fuck did he think he was? You called him right back, telling him to stay the hell away from you. He was silent for once, shocked by your outburst. When you asked him about the interview, he just stuttered. You slammed the receiver back down after a few more threats to cut off just about every part of his body.
This time its just too much, you murmur to your self, picking up another stone and throwing it as far as you can. Im not going to forgive him, not this time
*splash*
Baby? you hear a voice say behind you.
Get the fuck outta here!
Wont you at least hear me out?
I have nothing more to say to you. Leave me alone!
But
You spin around and look at him. I don't want you anywhere near me anymore, OK? Is that so damn difficult to understand?
I guess not, he whispers, turning back around and walking away.
You look back at the ocean, tears building in your eyes. You dont want to cry anymore over him, hes not worth it. As you hear his car start up, you turn to look, tears now streaming freely down your face. Another stone is picked up as you watch him drive off and disappear around the curve. You sigh and face the water again, throwing the last stone in as you get to your feet.
*splash*
I love you Justin, you whisper just as the sun clears above the water.
~*~