What am I supposed to do with all these blues
Haunting me everywhere
No matter what I do
He wandered down the long, dark hallway to his bedroom. He hadnt slept through the night in weeks. Not since the night she had walked out on him. No, she didnt walk, she ran, he chided himself. He could still see her long blonde hair streaming through the rain soaked night. The pictures flashed through his mind, making him turn and lean against the wall. He had made her leave, he had told her that she wasnt ever welcome in the house again. What a fool he had been
Watching the candle flicker out
In the evening glow
I cant let go
When will the night be over?
When he finally reached his room, he flipped on the television thinking the noise could help take his mind off of her and her sad blue eyes. Her eyes haunted him always. He couldnt even put his heart into his work because he could see over and over again the pain in her eyes. The pain that he had made her feel. Singing was his life and one of his first loves, something that he did everyday without thinking. But he couldnt do it now; it was as if each note sounded sour and pained. Singing was just another way to make love to her man, thats why you cant do it anymore, he said to himself. He laid back down in the cold, empty bed, wishing for her small frame to be suddenly there. She had always loved it when he sang lullabies for her late at night, when she couldnt sleep. He began to hum her favorite, a song that he and his friends had recorded. This I promise you, he whispered. He shook his head, stopping the song abruptly. I broke way too many of those promises, didnt I? He reached across for her pillow, hoping some trace of her scent would be clinging to the material. As he laid his head on the silky smooth surface of the pillow, he drifted off to a troubled sleep.
I didnt mean to fall in love with you
And baby theres a name for what you put me through
It isnt love, its robbery
Im sleeping with the ghost of you and me
They had met at a company party almost a year ago. She was one of the executive producers daughters, fresh from a college overseas. She had attended University in England for the past four years. Her parents had split many years ago, so she had lived with her mother in England most of her life. Amber had spent very little time in the States with her father. Joey remembered the girls basic life story because of the conversations hed had with her father, Mike. Never in a million years had he expected Amber to look like this. Her beauty had taken Joey aback. She stood in the corner of the room, looking uncomfortable with the scene set before her. Her eyes flitted around the room as she sipped her drink. He approached her, trying to think only of making her feel more at home, knowing Mike would appreciate his attempts at welcoming his daughter. However, his mind kept going other places, like how he could get this beautiful woman alone.
Hey, there, Im Joey. And you might be?
Um, Amber Reynolds. You must be The Joey, she had whispered, a smirk on her face. Her blue eyes searched Joeys face for some kind of sign. She was trying to convince herself that he was just trying to be nice. He wasnt interested in her, like she was in him. She had dreamed of this moment, begged her father for the opportunity to meet this handsome man face to face. Now the time was here
Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships, lost at sea
Well one of them is mine
Ber? Are you here? Joeys voice penetrated the quiet darkness of her apartment. Cmon, I know Im late but I know you didnt leave. Look, Lance was having some issues with his new lady. I had to be around to help him out. I know theyll still honor our dinner reservations. Joey stepped through the front door as he spoke the words. He walked into the apartments family room, finding Amber sound asleep on her soft brown leather couch. Joeys smile faded, realizing how late it really was. There would be no dinner for the two of them tonight. He sat at her feet, looking at her in the soft glow of the streetlamp outside the window. He had left her alone so much recently and he felt guilty. Ambers mother had been diagnosed with cancer and she knew her mother didnt have much more time left on this Earth. Joey sighed, knowing he had not been a very understanding companion in this whole ordeal, leaving Amber alone to deal with her emotions.
Amber stirred in her sleep, trying to find a more comfortable position on the couch. Joey watched her, trying to sort out his feelings for this woman. She was so compassionate, so full of life. He had never loved someone so completely before and the thought scared him. He moved closer to Ambers face, softly brushing away a piece of her soft, blonde hair and tucking it behind her ear. She moved again and he could hear her mumble his name in her sleep. I cant be the man this woman needs, he said to himself. I cant constantly be at her side, I cant be relied upon. I need to end this somehow, before she is hurt anymore. And with those words, he silently and gently picked Amber up in his strong arms. He carried her quietly up to her bedroom and left just as quickly as he had arrived.
The next day she had called him, questioning him about what had happened the night before and why he had never showed up at her apartment. What she didnt know was that Joey had been there but he thought it was best he didnt mention that fact to her. It would make it easier for him to proceed with his plan. Joey did his best in skirting around the issue, claiming that he had been with Lance all night. Amber knew he was lying and accused him of it. Baby, look, right now isnt the time. Well talk at home after work, Joey sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. Amber was speechless and Joey decided to just end the cell phone call. As he pressed the end button, he could hear Ambers sobs drifting through the receiver.
Look Ber, Im done. This was a mistake from the start. I
I never loved you, Joey whispered, his eyes cast downward. He couldnt bear to see what those words had done to Amber. The conversation had not gone as he had planned it and now things were out of control. He was saying things he didnt mean, things he never even dreamed of saying.
You wimpy bastard! Amber screamed. She stalked across the room and Joey got up from the couch to chase her. Just as he closed in on her, she swung her body around quickly. He tried to grab her hand but she was too quick for him. Amber jerked her hand back and slapped him solidly across the cheek.
Get the hell out, Joey muttered, turning away from the woman he loved, the woman he adored. And dont ever think of coming back. Tears began to edge over Joeys eyelids and slide silently down his smooth cheeks. He couldnt let her see him crying over the horrible words that had just escaped his lips.
Dont worry, I wont! Amber sobbed. She quickly grabbed her coat from the couch and ran through the house to the foyer. Joey jumped at the fierceness in which Amber had slammed the heavy wooden front door. He ran quickly to the front windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of Amber as she made her way through the rainy night. The last thing he saw of his beloved Amber was her tear-stained face dashing across the yard, her blonde hair streaming boldly behind her like a bright banner.
Raising my glass
I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why the stars dont seem to guide me
Look man, I know youre hurting, but youve got to move on. Youre the one who made the bad move, now youve got to deal with it, Lance sighed, leaning back into his friends couch.
Lance, Ive tried. I really have. I want to go back to my normal life, ya know, singing, recording, writing. But I cant, she haunts me. Everything that was ever a constant in my life is gone or ruined. I cant even tell you which way is up or down, Joey said, running his hands through his brown hair distractedly. He got up from his chair and paced the room a few times, finally stopping in front of his concerned friend. I cant move on, I have nothing to help me anymore, nothing to give me joy or hope.
Then you wont want to hear what Ive come to tell you, Lance said, motioning for Joey to sit down beside him.
I didnt mean to fall in love with you
And baby theres a name for what you put me through
It isnt love, its robbery
Im sleeping with the ghost of you and me
Yeah, JC, I think we need to talk, man, Joey said. He couldnt believe he was going to have this conversation with his best friend.
Well, uh, Joe, can it wait? I have some company over right now and Im in the middle of cooking dinner
JC began but Joey cut him off.
You backstabbing asshole. Shes there right now. How the hell could you do this to me? You know damn good and well I didnt want to leave her, but I had to. There was too much pain. I was gone too much for her to ever be truly happy. I had this conversation with you man, how could you do this? Joey yelled into the phone.
Joey, she found me. Shes the one who sought me out and well, I guess I was just more willing to make things work for us. I should go now, goodnight. And just like that, JC had hung up.
The ghost of you and me
He saw her on a regular basis now. She was working in the office with her father and spent every spare moment she had with JC. It killed Joey to see her give JC the attention and kisses that had once been his, the attention and kisses that still should be his.
When will it set me free
Amber dreamed of Joey almost nightly. JC would wake up in the middle of the night to find her sitting on the edge of the bed, silently crying and moaning Joeys name. It hurt to know that she was still in love with his best friend and JC did his best to be there for her when she needed him
I hear the voices call
Joey? Are you awake? she whispered.
What? Ber? Is that you? he answered into the dark room.
Yes, follow me, she said. He could hear her slippers padding across the room and through the doorway of the bedroom.
Following footsteps down the hall
What are you doing here Amber? I thought
I thought I told you not to come back, Joey said, trying to keep his voice even. He wanted to convince her that he didnt need her and that he wasnt missing her a bit.
You really think I could leave you? You know me better than that Fatone, she whispered. He couldnt tell where her voice was coming from
somewhere down the hallway. He was so close to her, so close. He could smell the sweet scent of her perfume floating in the hall.
Trying to save whats left of my heart and soul
Amber? Where are you? Joey called as he reached the stairs. No answer. Cmon baby, I know youre here. Dont tease me, please. We need to talk. He began to walk down the stairs but stubbed his toe in the darkness. Dammit, he cursed.
Im down here Jojo. Cmon, Im waiting for you to give me a kiss, she cooed from the bottom step. Joey jumped up, quickly forgetting his toe. When he had reached the bottom step, he saw her. She looked like an angel, her face a pale, gleaming white. Her eyes shown through the darkness and Joey could feel the happiness radiating from the beautiful blue orbs. He reached out for her and felt
nothing.
Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
He jerked his head up from the bed. Hed been dreaming again, dreaming of her visiting him, dreaming of everything being right in his world once again. He rolled over in the bed, taking her pillow and throwing it against the wall.
I cant believe this, Joey whispered. What will I do without your love and support Amber? I cant live without you anymore, I just cant let you go.
I cant let go
When will the night be over
I didnt mean to fall in love with you
And baby theres a name for what you put me through
It isnt love, its robbery
Im sleeping with the ghost of you and me