
Passion burns like a flame
Insanity grips my soul as you approach
I cannot resist the pull you have
The power over me
Your eyes see my darkest secrets
Scorching my very soul with their gaze
I hate you
I want you
I need you
Your lips burn against my skin
Branding me with your kisses
The fire rages inside
And only you can quench it
And so I hate you
I want you
I need you
Your hands explore
Knowing all the right places
Finding all my secrets
And my thoughts scatter as my control breaks
You’ll forget me
Maybe you already have
But I remember
And I hate you
I want you
I need you
You leave in the morning
Never looking back
And just like all the others
I am left alone
Broken
Shattered
Possessed
And it occurs to me
I don’t hate you
I wish I could
That would be easier
But I want you
I need you
I love you
And my life will never be the same
For I am marked
One of the used
The leftovers
The lost
I only have one question
Not why
Not how
Just this:
Once more?
Part 1:
Such a shame, they said, watching the patient, rocking back and forth...
He had been watching her for nearly an hour. She wasn’t his type but something about her intrigued him. There was an air of innocence about her, rare in girls, or women rather, her age. She hadn’t danced much, hadn’t had many offers either. She radiated shyness, and something else...
It intrigued him.
He spotted one of her friends pushing through the crowd, approaching her. The other girl said something to her, and her response was a smile, a shake of the head, a slight wave in the general direction of the dance floor. The other girl said something else. "Are you sure?" he could almost hear. She leaned forward and gave her friend a playful shove, and that was all it took to get her to return to the dance floor.
She sighed, leaning back in her chair as she idly traced random designs on the side of her glass. He saw one of his friends making his way along the wall, eyes focused on her. It figured he would be the one to single her out. He leaned forward slightly, still out of sight, for a better view. His friend said something, making her smile and laugh slightly. She moved her purse over and he took a seat beside her, leaning in so she could hear him over the music. He had no idea what his friend had said, but she was talking animatedly, more vibrant than she had been all evening. Then they both started laughing.
His friend caught his breath and said something to her, looking at her expectantly, as if waiting for an answer. She looked doubtful, then his friend said something else, flashing a charming, genuine smile. Finally she agreed, and he took her hand, leading her to the dance floor.
A slow, sensual beat started about the time they got far enough onto the dance floor that they would have no choice but to stay there. Both seemed hesitant at first, but slowly they moved together, wrapping their arms around each other and moving to the beat. He was surprised at how well his friend was doing. He normally wasn’t so relaxed or, well, coordinated. As they continued to dance, he felt something tugging at his insides. He had to have her. He would have her. They returned to the table after another song, a faster one, and he knew it was time to make his move.
Slowly he stepped out of the shadows and approached them. They were sitting closer together now, oblivious to their surroundings, or his approach. She laughed, resting her hand on his forearm. Such an innocent gesture, but at the same time so intimate. It occurred to him that she would probably be fun to talk to, if he were interested in talking. Her body told him all he was interested in knowing, though. She’d be good for a tumble, and then he could get her out of his system and move on to another one.
Lance spotted him just before he got to the table. The girl looked up to see what had caught his attention. She stiffened almost imperceptibly, suddenly nervous and uncomfortable. Lance didn’t seem to notice.
"Oh, hey Joey," Lance said. "This is Maria. Maria, meet Joey."
"It’s nice to meet you," she said, smiling. He detected a slight Southern accent, different from both Justin’s and Lance’s. Maria. At least he had a name now.
"Why aren’t you out on the dance floor?" Lance asked, filling the uncomfortable silence that occurred when Joey just stared instead of replying. Lance shot him a warning look, knowing exactly what Joey had in mind, what Joey always had in mind. Maria wasn’t one of his groupies. She was different. She was nice. She could carry on an intelligent conversation about topics other than clothes, make-up, and shopping. Joey brushed the look off with a smirk and claimed the chair on the other side of Maria.
"I don’t really feel like dancing right now," he finally said, making Lance cringe because he knew what that meant Joey did feel like. Joey wasn’t that bad a guy, but he had a history of using women until he got bored, usually not more than a few days, and moved on to someone new. Joey didn’t understand about talking, or commitment. Joey didn’t understand a lot of things, and one of them was that this girl was different, and Lance was determined not to let him destroy another one like her, not after the last time...
Lance shot his friend one more warning look before turning back to his conversation with Maria. Joey joined in, and suddenly realized he was actually enjoying talking to her. She had a sense of humor and she really was smart.
He also found himself watching her, every little move she made. He saw how her fingers traced little circles on the table top, the way she crossed her legs, the way she lightly licked her lips before she spoke. If he leaned just a little, he could see the delicate rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, and he could almost see down the v-neckline of her shirt. Her short skirt rode up slightly, giving him a glimpse of her upper thigh, as she uncrossed her legs and then recrossed them, her calf sliding down her other leg. She ran one hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face. She picked up her drink, taking a sip and then licking her lips again. She leaned back in her chair, arms behind her, stretching, causing her breasts to strain against the buttons on her shirt. The collar slid to the side a little and he caught a glimpse of black lace as she straightened it.
Just when he thought he couldn’t stand it any more, when he was ready to just throw her over his shoulder and haul her off to the bathroom or some dark corner, she stood and pulled Lance back onto the dance floor, telling Joey they’d be right back. He was glad, because that wasn’t how he wanted it to go. He wanted to take his time, make her want him as badly as he wanted her. He watched her go, entranced by the delicate sway of her hips as she walked. He wanted her so badly now that it was a physical pain. And he was more determined than ever that he would have her.
His eyes never left them as they made their way onto the floor. Obviously they were over being uncomfortable now. There wasn’t room between them for a sheet of paper. Their legs were tangled together and her breasts were pressed up against Lance. He hadn’t known Lance had the ability to move the way he was moving now. He broke out in a cold sweat as he watched them, trembling from desire. He wanted to get away before they came back, but instead he sat, frozen. She was laughing when they came back. "Well Joey, wanna dance?" she asked, licking her lips again.
All he could do was nod and follow helplessly as she returned to the edge of the dance floor. He moved very precisely, falling automatically into the old pattern. And it was working. Her eyes became slightly unfocused ad she flushed just a little as her breathing became faster. He pulled her in just a fraction of an inch closer, watching for her response. Her lips parted and she unconsciously moved in a bit more. He had her now. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear and she looked up at him, unable to do anything but nod. He took her hand and led her quickly through the club and out a back door.
Lance turned back from the bar, holding a bottle of water, and realized they were gone. He had failed, Joey had won, and by this time tomorrow she would be irrevocably changed, and not for the better. He cursed softly.
He pressed her up against the wall and leaned in, kissing her with bruising force and passion. She returned his kiss, matching his fervor. Her small hands crept around his neck as his hands roamed her body, one creeping just under the hem of her skirt and the other pushing her shirt up over her stomach. She clutched at him, panting as his mouth moved down her throat and he lifted her up off the ground. She whimpered softly, locking her legs around him.
Joey jerked his head up as someone came in the room, interrupting the dream. Even in his dreams, he couldn’t have her. "Well, Mr. Fatone, and how are we doing today?" The nurse was too happy. It annoyed him. She didn’t pay any attention to his glare though. He never spoke anymore. He was always off in his own little world. The staff whispered about him sometimes. The rumor was that a girl was the reason he was here. He had wanted her so badly it had pushed him over the edge when he couldn’t have her.
It was a shame really, the nurses said, shaking their heads sadly. A nice, good-looking young man like him. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. When he was committed, after the hearing, the papers ran wild with reports of stalking and enraged jealousy when he found out she was dating one of his band-mates. Of course it was the end of the group, but by then he was too far gone to care. He hadn’t fought when they brought him in. And he was a model patient, most of the time. He spent his days in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth and mumbling to himself. Only one word was ever intelligible.
Maria.
Part 2:
Maria thought about that night at the club, the night it all started. It seemed to be the only thing she could think about these days. Lance was starting to worry about her. She hadn’t even wanted to go that night, but her friends convinced her. She had noticed Joey watching her, and it was making her uncomfortable. Apparently Lance noticed too, because he caught her eye and then looked to the dance floor. She took the hint, asking him to dance and leaving Joey at the table. She knew Joey’s reputation, but still, she had always had a crush on him. The way she felt about him scared, no terrified her, because she knew she would never be able to resist him. And giving in to him would mean compromising all the beliefs she had held dear since childhood. So she sought escape. Besides, she genuinely like Lance.
They had started dancing and she noticed Joey get up and leave through a back door, some cheap looking blonde on his arm, and all over the rest of him too. She sighed, knowing it was all for the best. She leaned on Lance slightly, realizing just how much the stress of being that close to Joey had taken out of her. He noticed she seemed tired. Her friends were still out on the dance floor and probably would be for a while. He leaned down where she could hear him. "Are you okay? Do you want to leave?"
"Just a little tired. Besides, I’m the designated driver."
He nodded. He had seen Joey leave with a girl hanging all over him, so he knew it was safe to go back, at least for now. "Well do you want to sit back down?"
"Yeah, I think I do."
He led her back to the table, weaving his way in and out among the dancers. They sat down and she sighed. He could see how tired she really looked now. Designated driver or not, he knew she needed to leave. She was too tired to drive, so it didn’t matter that she hadn’t been drinking. He was not about to let her get behind the wheel of a car.
"If I promise to make sure your friends get home safely will you go."
She gave him a weak smile. "I guess so." She motioned to one of her friends, a perky red head named Jenny, and told her she was leaving. Jenny was pretty sober, but not enough that Maria would trust her with the keys. Lance left instructions with the bartender, one of he bouncers, and with a bodyguard to make sure all of Maria’s friends got a cab home. The bartender and the bouncer knew all the girls and would have done it anyway, so he felt secure in the knowledge they would all be fine. Lance led Maria outside. He took her to a waiting limousine, not really his transportation of choice but effective.
"What about my car?" she asked with a yawn.
"I’m sure you can pick it up tomorrow," he said, and she nodded, leaning against him sleepily. He helped her into the car and got in behind her as she leaned forward and gave the driver her address. She settled back against the plush seat, too worn out to really appreciate the luxury surrounding her. Maria closed her eyes and she was asleep by the time the car pulled out of the parking lot.
* * * * *
Joey tossed and turned. She was in his dreams. Again. He remembered the night he first saw her, how he wanted her so very badly. He would have had her too, if it hadn’t been for HIM. He wasn’t sure when he had started hating Lance. It had come gradually though, first just a little jealousy at being bested by the blond. Then annoyance that no matter what he did, he couldn’t get her attention. It had built up over time, taking months before he even realized how he felt. And by then it was too late.
He remembered watching them go back to the dance floor. And then that blonde girl...what was her name again? He couldn’t remember but oh well, it didn’t matter anyway. She had approached him and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. He remembered how he had pinned her to the alley wall outside, how she had moaned and whimpered and squirmed against him as he pounded into her. The slut. And he remembered wishing it was Maria. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend it was. And that was how it all began.
Gradually, Joey had started picking up girls with the same general features. They were all her height, with similar curvy builds. It took a while to get the hair right, long and glossy dark brown with just a hint of curl. Her blue eyes, well they couldn’t be reproduced. They were a very precise shade, a color it took him a while to even define. He had finally decided it was the color of the sky at that precise instant when dusk gives way to nightfall. That dark blue, almost violet, not quite black. He just never looked at their faces. Not that that was a big change from the way things used to be.
He got rougher too, as time went on. But they all liked it rough. He knew inside him, though, that Maria wouldn’t. And so that made him angry, at himself for losing control, at them for not being like her. Finally he had found one with a part of that same quality Maria possessed that so entranced him.
She had slowed his descent into madness, but it didn’t stop.
* * * * *
Maria jumped, startled when Lance knocked and then opened the door. "Oh, I didn’t expect you to get here so soon!"
"Yeah, I came a little early. I just couldn’t wait to see you. Besides, we need to talk. I’m worried about you."
"I’m fine, Lance, I told you. I just haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all."
"I know, that’s what worries me. This has been going on too long."
"I’m telling you, there’s nothing to worry about!" she snapped. At his hurt look she started to cry. "I’m sorry," she choked out as he took her in his arms.
"Sh, I know, it’s okay." He rubbed her back and held her, just letting her cry. He knew something was bothering her, and he just wished she could trust him enough to tell him what it was. Her tears subsided and she caught her breath, pulling away and rubbing at her eyes, hands fisted. She wanted so badly to tell him the truth, really she did, but after everything that had happened, she just couldn’t.
* * * * *
Joey sat up in bed, fighting sleep yet yearning for it. If he slept, he would dream of her, but if he did that, he knew would never have her. The dreams always ended the same. Lance won. He lost. And Maria was just out of his reach.
He sighed and gave up the battle yet again. Dreams of her were torture, but at least she was always there.
* * * * *
Lance had gone again. He had a meeting about signing a new artist to Free Lance. He had promised to call her, in the morning.
Maria sighed, pulling a large T-shirt over her head and pulling back the covers before wearily climbing into bed. She closed her eyes, sending up a silent prayer to whatever power might be listening that tonight would be different, that tonight the dreams would stay away. It seemed no one was listening this night.
The dream was always the same. They were alone. She looked up at him, lost in his eyes, oblivious to anything not directly tied to him. He put his arms around her and pulled her against him, pressing her body into his own and molding her to him. He leaned down and kissed her and she returned the kiss with a passion she didn’t know she possessed. His skilled hands traveled over her body, removing clothing as they went. She was tugging at his shirt, finally getting it over his head and dropping it before going to work on his belt buckle. "I want you so bad, Maria," he mumbled, trailing his lips down her throat, pausing to drop tiny kisses on her shoulders as nimble fingers tackled the hook on her bra. They sank to the floor, hands and mouths exploring. He looked at her, holding her eyes as he removed her last article of clothing...
...and the door opened. "Maria, sorry I took so long, I...Oh my God! Maria...Joey...NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!"
And Maria sat up straight, heart pounding, partly in fear, but mostly from the desire he awakened within her. Him. Joey. She reached for the phone, knowing this had to end. It rang five times, and she was about to return the receiver to its cradle when the sleepy voice answered.
"I need you," she said softly.
Part 3:
Almost overnight, Joey’s condition had taken a drastic turn. He was talking and flirting with the nurses, and on his face was his first real smile in months. A team of psychologists put him through a battery of tests and pronounced it nothing short of a miracle. He would still be there for a few weeks, undergoing observation and some more tests, but it looked like he could go home before the month was over.
The guys came to visit him, although not all at once. Justin had tagged along with Chris. They left just before JC came by. He didn’t think Lance was coming, but he showed up less than thirty minutes before visiting hours were up. Joey greeted him quietly. Lance seemed wary of him, staying on the other side of the room. "How have you been?" Joey asked his former friend.
"Okay, I guess. How are you holding up?"
"Better than I have been. I’m sorry for all I did, I know that won’t ever make up for it, but I wasn’t exactly in control when that happened."
"I know. I never really held it against you."
"How’s Maria?"
"I think she’s doing pretty well. She’s been having trouble sleeping, but I finally talked her into going to see someone about it."
"Oh...Is it because of what happened?"
"I don’t know, Joe, she won’t tell me."
"Oh..."
A grandmotherly nurse came through the door. "I’m sorry dear, but you’re going to have to go now. Visiting hours are over."
"Yes, ma’am," Lance said, standing. He turned to Joey. "I guess I’ll see you soon?"
"I’d like that."
Something passed between them, and an unspoken truce was called. Lance nodded and left, the nurse following behind him.
* * * * *
Maria was much better that night when Lance went by to see her. She looked rested. She happily told him that she had taken a nap for most of the afternoon and rested well. "I’m glad," he said, leaning down and dropping a light kiss on her temple. They were sitting on the couch in the living room, watching TV. "Maria, baby, I have to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"I went by to see Joey today. He’s going to be released at the end of the month." Her heart started pounding and her breathing got faster. "Everyone says he’s better now. All the doctors agree. Honey, don’t worry, I won’t let him get to you."
Maria buried her face in Lance’s neck, trembling. He put his arms around her, rubbing her back. She snuggled in closer, letting him soothe her. After she regained control of her emotions, she looked up at him, studying his mouth. Slowly, she leaned up and kissed him, softly at first, and then with increasing urgency. He didn’t resist. His arms locked around her again and she pulled back slightly, settling across his lap so she was straddling his knees. She scooted closer, until she could feel the growing bulge in his pants. Slowly, deliberately, she rocked her hips against him. Lance pulled away from her mouth and drew in a ragged breath. "Maria..." he choked out.
She shot him a wicked little grin and did it again. "Baby, don’t start something you won’t finish."
"But I want to finish it..." she whispered, kissing him again. Her hands wandered across his shoulders and down his chest, then they kept moving. She rubbed her hands along his hard abs, then jumped down to his thighs as she leaned forward and lightly nipped at his shoulder through his T-shirt. He groaned and then moved suddenly. He flipped her onto her back and went to work, hands seemingly everywhere at once. She squirmed and writhed beneath him on the couch and he smiled down at her. All of the sudden, he stopped. She looked up at him in surprised confusion.
"I don’t think we have enough room on the couch," he said, scooping her up into his arms and striding purposefully to her bedroom, where he unceremoniously dropped her on the bed and then pounced with a growl. Her giggles and squeals of delight soon turned into soft moans and whimpers, with the occasional purr thrown in.
* * * * *
Maria woke up alone. She could hear the shower running and she smiled. In a way, she was sorry to have compromised her beliefs, but she decided it was worth the trade-off to finally be able to sleep. She had been too tired to dream last night. She sighed, settling back against the pillows. It was Saturday, so she didn’t have to worry about getting to work. She heard the shower cut off and a few minutes later Lance walked back into her bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Ah, so you’re finally awake," he said, sitting beside her on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah, I guess I am." She pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest. "It’s not fair, you took a shower without me."
"Hm, I see your point. I guess you’ll just have to convince me I need another one, huh?" She giggled and he leaned in to kiss her. She pulled the covers up so he could join her, catching the edge of the towel when he moved so that it fell to the floor beside the bed.
Part 4:
Joey still thought about her...often. But it wasn’t the same as it had been. It wasn’t like when he snapped. Ah, Maria. He had gone too far. He should have listened when she told him to stop with the gifts. He had been too far gone to listen then. He couldn’t blame her for being scared of him that night. He would never, ever hurt her, but how was she to know that? He knew she probably didn’t ever want to see him again. But he had to apologize. He was going to ask Lance’s opinion when he came back.
The month was almost over. In two days, he would be a free man. There were no charges against him, never had been. The other guys and his family had had him committed after Maria refused to press charges. He wanted to thank her for that, too.
* * * * *
Lance had moved in with Maria after that night. He simply closed up his Orlando house and took what he needed to her apartment a few miles away. He still had his house in Mississippi and he was keeping the one in Orlando, at least for a while.
He proposed the day he moved in, and of course she accepted. She felt guilty about the dreams, but then again, she hadn’t had one since Lance started "sleeping over." She was waiting for him to get back from visiting Joey. He had been to see his friend, at least she thought they were friends again, every day. The guys were talking about maybe getting the group back together. They had told the press that Joey had simply not been able to handle the pressure anymore and needed time to rest. The fans bought it, and it wasn’t really that far from the truth. The rumors had subsided after less than a week.
Maria knew she would have to see him again, and she had accepted that. She sighed, then smiled down at her left hand. The ring was so beautiful. Lance had good taste. She heard him open the door and come in, and she went to meet him, greeting him with a kiss.
"I take it you missed me, then," he said with a laugh.
"I always miss you, baby. I love you."
He picked her up and carried her into the living room, sitting down and settling her in his lap. "Maria, I have to ask you a question."
"Okay," she said, sounding slightly unsure of her answer.
"You know I’ve been going to visit Joey." She nodded and he continued. "Well he really is better, and he wants to apologize to you, in person."
"Oh...I think, maybe that would be okay. I just want to put all this behind us, and concentrate on the future, our future," she said, pulling him in for a kiss.
He pulled away from her a few minutes later. "I’m glad you feel that way. Maria baby, I love you so much...you amaze me every day, ya know?"
She just smiled and sighed, resting her head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
* * * * *
The man unlocked the door, walking in to the room. He turned on a small lamp, casting a pale glow over the room. The walls were covered in pictures. Pictures of the group, pictures of Maria. The one that drew the most attention was a small snapshot in a space on the wall by itself. There was nothing but empty wall space around it. In the picture, the three of them were standing together, arms around each other’s waists. Himself, the other man, and Maria. The other man’s face had been scratched out of the picture. He ran his fingertips over the picture and then turned, muttering.
"I won’t let you have her...I won’t let you have her...I won’t let you have her..." He repeated the phrase over and over again as he moved around the room. He picked up a book, flipping to the page in the middle, the one he had memorized. He grew quiet as he began to read it again.
"Porphyria's Lover"
Robert Browning
The rain set early in tonight,
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm-tops down for spite,
And did its worst to vex the lake:
I listened with heart fit to break.
When glided in Porphyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneeled and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soiled gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall,
And, last, she sat down hy my side
And called me. When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist,
And made her smooth white shoulder bare,
And all her yellow hair displaced,
And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me -- she
Too weak, for all her heart's endeavor,
To set its struggling passion free
From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
And give herself to me forever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could tonight's gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain.
Be sure I looked up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last l knew
Porphyria worshiped me: surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While l debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untightened next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propped her head up as before,
Only, this time my shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon it still:
The smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
That all it scorned at once is fled,
And I, its love, am gained instead!
Porphyria's love: she guessed not how
Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
And all night long we have not stirred,
And yet God has not said aword!
1836, 1842
He closed the book and smiled, picking up a pen.
Part 5:
Joey went to the store as soon as his parents left. He poked around, finally picking up exactly what he was looking for. He had it wrapped and went straight to her apartment. Maria answered the door with a nervous smile. "Hi Joey, come on in. Lance should be home soon."
"I didn’t come to see Lance. I came to see you. Lance said he asked you about it and you said it was okay. I want to say I’m sorry. I got you this." He held out a small, beautifully wrapped package.
Maria took it, removing the ribbon and the paper to reveal a small, beautifully bound copy of Robert Browning’s collected poems. She gasped as tears gathered in her eyes.
"I remembered you like poetry, and Lance told me he was your favorite, so, um..."
"Thank you, Joey," she said, stepping forward to give him a hug. She stepped back and he finally saw the ring. His eyes narrowed but she was looking down and didn’t see it.
"So when did Lance propose?"
"Oh, a few weeks ago. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you...maybe he thought you’d be upset."
"Yeah, maybe. He’s just that kind of guy." Luckily, Maria didn’t seem to notice his tone.
"Would you like something to drink?"
"Just some water or something, if it’s not too much trouble." She smiled and went to the kitchen. He watched her go. She still had that power over him, but he did his best to control it.
Maria walked into the kitchen and slumped against the counter. The dream came back to her, full force. She had forced it into the back of her mind since Lance moved in, but now that Joey was here, in her apartment...now that they were alone...her raging emotions frightened her. She collected herself, fixing a glass of ice water for Joey and pouring herself a glass of iced tea. She went back into the living room to find him studying the pictures in the wall. She put the drinks down and just watched him for a moment.
The one over the couch seemed to hold his attention. It was of a man and a woman sitting side by side. The woman had a striking resemblance to Maria, except for the fact that she was blonde. She was sitting there, smiling up at the ceiling as the man held her in his arms, idly playing with her hair.
"Porphyria’s Lover," she said. "I read the poem in college and I loved it. One of my friends painted that for me as a graduation present."
"Oh?" he said.
"Yeah. It’s one of Browning’s, um, let me see..." she said, flipping through the book, finding it near the middle. She read the poem, and it sent chills down his spine. When she finished, she looked at him and smiled.
"I guess I’m just twisted, but I thought it was so amazing, that someone could feel so much love and desire for a woman that he would kill her like that just to keep her with him." She shook her head. "I don’t know, I think maybe I should seek counseling or something."
"It’s a beautiful poem," he breathed, staring at her lips. Almost in slow motion, he took a step forward, reaching for her. She moved to him, dropping the book on the floor. He pulled her against him and the dream swept through her mind. He picked up a lock of her hair, running it through his fingers. He leaned down to kiss her, but jumped back when he heard Lance’s key in the door. Maria snapped out of her trance, leaning down to pick up the book.
"Hey honey, I’m...oh, hey Joey. It’s good to see you out of that place."
"Thanks. I guess I better be going. I just came by to see Maria, apologize, ya know...anyway, I should get home and leave you two alone."
"Oh, okay. Sorry you can’t stay longer."
Joey left and Lance walked over to Maria, putting his arms around her. "So how did it go?"
Maria swallowed. "Fine. He brought me a book. Browning. He said you told him he was my favorite."
"Oh? I don’t remember that, but maybe I just forgot it."
Maria started feeling slightly uncomfortable. She brushed it off as being guilt over almost kissing Joey. She was engaged to Lance. She loved Lance. She just couldn’t stop thinking about Joey, what it would be like to be with him just once. "That’s probably it."
"I’m gonna go take a shower. I have to go back out in a little while."
"Can I join you?"
"Do you even have to ask?" he said with a grin. She laughed and took off for the bathroom, dropping clothes along the way. He followed her lead.
Part 6:
Joey had decided to take a nap. He had been so excited about going home that he hadn’t gotten much sleep in the last few days. Besides, he was still dreaming about Maria. He remembered what had happened to change him. He had been asleep, dreaming about her again when the phone beside his bed rang. He had been such a good patient they actually let him have the phone, not that he ever talked to anyone. He had picked it up, still half asleep, and answered. He wasn’t sure what made him pick it up, but he did.
"I need you," she said softly. He knew the voice immediately.
"Maria?" he said in shock.
"Yes...Joey, I’m going crazy. I can’t stop thinking about you, dreaming about you. I love Lance, I really do, and I don’t want to hurt him, but...oh, please, just make it stop."
He listened to her sobs and something inside of him broke. It took her admitting she felt the same way about him to bring him back to reality. "Sh, Maria, please don’t cry. I don’t know how, but I promise you I’ll find a way to get out of here. I don’t know what I’ll do but I will make it stop, I promise you that."
He fell asleep still remembering.
* * * * *
After their shower, Maria convinced Lance that he didn’t really need the papers he had left at Justin’s house. It could wait until morning. He looked down at her, hair still damp, asleep in his arms. He knew she had called Joey. It hadn’t taken much to figure that out, especially since he had a tap on Joey’s phone. The conversation constantly echoed through his head, day and night, sleeping and waking.
He knew Joey would destroy her, would destroy her relationship with Lance. She would turn into a different person. Lance couldn’t let that happen. He rolled over, pulling a book out from under the bed. He flipped it open to that middle page, looking at the poem again. He had crossed out all the "yellow’s" and written "brown" in their places. He looked back to Maria, knowing what he had to do.
* * * * *
Joey sat straight up in bed, knowing something was wrong. He rubbed his eyes as the dream came back to him, all the pieces finally falling into place. He had known there was something familiar about that name. Porphyria. He remembered Lance saying it once during a visit, saying Maria was his little Porphyria and giving Joey a look that chilled him to the core, but he didn’t know why, not until now. He rolled out of bed, grabbing his clothes from a nearby chair and putting them on as he moved through the house, grabbing his keys on the way out.
The door to the apartment was still unlocked. He pushed it open, praying he wasn’t too late. He ran through the living room, dimly noticing that the painting over the couch was gone. He pushed open the bedroom door, and gasped at what he found. It was empty. On a hunch, he ran back to his car.
Lance’s Orlando house was dark, silent. Still, something told Joey he was there. He opened the door using the spare key he had since before they even met Maria, glad that Lance hadn’t thought to change the locks. He could hear music from somewhere, and he saw the basement door slightly cracked open as soft yellow light spilled out. As he got closer, he recognized "Mary Jane’s Last Dance" or whatever it was called. He hurried down the steps, knowing he would be too late.
* * * * *
Joey opened the door, sucking in a breath at what he saw. There were pictures up everywhere, his face marked through or scratched out in all of them. The painting was propped against the coffee table, an open book before it. They were sitting on the floor in front of it.
Maria was humming softly, running her fingers through his hair. She looked up when Joey came in, an absent smile pasted on her face.
"He wanted to protect me, you know," she said, quite matter-of-factly.
"What happened?"
"Shh...he’s sleeping," she said giggling.
"Maria..."
She turned to face him. "He’ll sleep for a long time now. He doesn’t have to know anything." She stood, carefully placing a pillow beneath Lance’s head. Joey realized with great relief when he saw Lance take a breath and then roll over that it was true, he was just sleeping.
Maria smiled, taking his hand. She led him up the stairs and into one of the bedrooms. "Make it stop, Joey," she whispered, placing soft kisses along his throat. It occurred to him that she wasn’t exactly stable right now, but the madness was taking him over once again, leaving him powerless to do anything to stop it.
He kissed her mouth, his tongue pushing it’s way through her lips almost of its own accord. His hands slid down, cupping her bottom and he lifted her up. She immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, just like in his dreams. She was wearing the oversized T-shirt that she slept in and he pushed it up, baring her breasts. She squirmed until she managed to get the shirt the rest of the way off. He lowered her to the bed, mouth leaving a wet trail from her throat to her breasts. Her tiny hands pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it across the room. His hands were wandering as well, dipping below the waist of her purple silk panties, teasing her. She arched against him, moaning into his mouth.
And that was how Lance found them, tangled together and oblivious to his presence. He turned around and went downstairs again. He had failed. He had been too weak to strangle her, instead taking her and showing her the room. Her room. She had gasped in shock, never having realized he would do such a thing. He expected her to run, even though he was only trying to show her how much he loved her and wanted to protect her. Instead, she had cried, holding him until he fell asleep. She said she was sorry, she didn’t know why she couldn’t get him out of her head.
* * * * *
Such a shame, they said, watching the patient, rocking back and forth...
He had been like that since they found him, watching as the flames engulfed his house. He had been mumbling and rocking back and forth.
"I won’t let you have her...I won’t let you hurt her..." he repeated, over and over again as he rocked.
They hadn’t gotten Joey and Maria out in time. They died from the smoke inhalation, trying to get out of the room they were locked in.
Lance was the only one who knew what had happened, how Maria and Joey had wanted each other so badly it pushed them over the edge, how he had known all along what he would have to do to protect her. He loved her, and he had saved her from the pain of being one of Joey’s "leftovers". Joey could never hurt anyone else.
And Lance sat, rocking back and forth, sitting in the corner of the room Joey had recently vacated. He had succeeded, he had won...now Joey could never leave her like he had all the others.