CHAPTER 32
He must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes again, he was alone
and his bed was cold.
Sadie? he mumbled groggily, rolling over. The cold air of the cabin hit him, raising goose bumps on his bare skin. He shivered.
Im right here, he heard her reply. Opening his eyes a little more, he saw her. She was standing by the window, wrapped in the fleece blanket that had been at the foot of the bed. Her eyes were on the stars.
What are you doing? he asked. It was very cold in the room and he missed her. He wanted her to come back. He wanted her soft curves molded against him, keeping him warm as they nestled under the covers. He raised himself up on his elbows.
Im thinking, she replied, not turning. The moonlight from outside spilled across her profile creating a soft, silver shadow. She looked sad. That made him uneasy.
About what? he pressed. He sat up fully, groping around until he found his boxers nearby on the floor. Slipping them on, he padded to her side. His arms slid around her. He rested his chin on her shoulder.
About midnight, she said. About what happens when its New Years Day and we both go home.
She turned to him then, eyes plagued with questions.
What happens when we both go home, Josh?
JC started. He hadnt been expecting that
not just yet, anyway
and he didnt know how to respond.
I
I dont know Sadie
he stammered, words failing him. I
I hadnt really thought about it, you know?
He watched her green eyes narrow. She pursed her lips. Then she looked away again.
Were you going to think about it? she demanded. Her voice held an underlying note of accusation. He tried not to flinch.
Eventually, he replied. But he knew that wasnt answer she was looking for. He knew what she was really asking. I wasnt going to just go off and leave you, if thats what you mean.
She sighed loudly. He nuzzled her hair. The sweet smell of vanilla and spices would, from now on, always remind him of her and he kissed her neck. He felt her tip back into him, letting her body rest on his. But even as she rested, he still felt the emotional wall between them.
A heavy silence fell. The room seemed to get colder.
So Im a fuck, Sadie mumbled finally, breaking the mantle. You can say it. Im a fuck to you, and now its over
and I
JC tightened his grip on her blanket-enfolded form.
Youre not a fuck, he whispered fiercely, stopping her tirade. You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are unforgettable, Sadie
but you are not a fuck. I cant promise you forever, but I can promise you that much. YOU ARE NOT A FUCK.
He pulled her around to face him. He saw her breathing hitch.
Do you understand me? he asked desperately. Hed never felt the need to make someone believe him so badly in all his life. He searched her face.
Only if you swear it, she choked out, a quiver in her words. There were tears in her eyes and JC cupped her face.
I swear it baby, he vowed. I swear on every moment we spent together that you are not just a fuck. And I love you
Her eyes went wide.
JC stopped breathing.
Oh god. Oh no. He hadnt
oh fuck
.hed just
She stared at him, eyes huge, cheeks streaked with tears.
You what? she whispered, disbelieving.
Fuck.
I love you, he repeated, letting his forehead fall and rest against hers. I
damn
shit, that was really unfair, wasnt it?
He waited for her to yell or scream. To slap him, maybe, or push him away or tell him to get his head out of his ass. But she didnt. She kissed him instead
a warm, soft kiss, full of tenderness and understanding
all the things he didnt deserve but wanted.
It was, she agreed, But it was
honest.
He dared to look at her then, and was relieved to see her smiling. Maybe he wasnt such an asshole after all. Maybe there was hope.
But of course Im going to test that theory, she added, then.
JC sighed. Or maybe he was
Repositioning herself so she sat between his knees, Sadie mimicked his posture, taking his chin in her hands and gazing up at him. He waited for her words. He watched her moisten her delicate pink lips with the tip of her tongue and resisted the urge to suck on it. Sadie cleared her throat.
If you really love me, she whispered finally, Promise me something.
He loved the way her long dark lashes fluttered when she spoke.
Anything, he breathed, mesmerized. He could have stared at her for the rest of his life and been content.
Promise me that youll meet me in San Francisco, this time next year, at the Sutra Baths at Ocean Beach. If youre there, Ill know you mean it. If youre not, Ill know to let it go...
Ill be there, he said quickly, cutting off her words. I promise I will, but only if you promise ME something first
He waited, watching the myriad emotions play across her face.
Whats that? she managed, barely able to speak. He could see the conflict
the pain
the absolute disbelief that she would dare to trust someone like him with something as precious as her heart
First, promise me youll stay with me here until the very last possible second
sleep with me tonight
go out with me tomorrow
He could see the tears starting to form again.
OK, she squeaked.
JC nodded.
Good, he said. Now, promise me one thing more
He saw her swallow hard. He let a reassuring smile steal across his lips. He leaned to within inches of her gorgeous mouth.
Promise me, he breathed, that youll kiss me right now.
He could have drowned in the deep green of her eyes, especially when they widened in confusion. His thumb stroked her cheek.
Why? she asked, cocking her head to the side.
Because, he whispered, pulling her in. Its midnight, baby. Happy New Year.
*~end~*