Chapter 5
Justin paced back and fourth in the hallway backstage. The rest of the guys were standing together in a circle for their prayer. But it wasn’t the same without Justin there with them. Lance looked up and down the hall at Justin, and then closed his eyes and bowed his head as JC began the prayer.
During the show, Justin was losing focus and concentration. He knew the dance moves better than any one else, like the back of his hand. His harmonies were off and he was not at one with the group.
After the show, JC caught Justin by the sleeve of his shirt. Justin stopped and saw the upset in JC’s eyes.
"Justin, what the hell is wrong with you? You really need to get fucking… Isabel and Elise out of your head and focus on what you are responsible for as a member of this group! Justin, you fucked everything up!"
JC didn’t know this yet, but Justin was about ready to explode.
"I’m sorry, JC! I did the best I could under the circumstances I’m under! I didn’t mean to fuck the show up! I didn’t, now just leave me the hell alone!"
In shock, JC stepped aside and Justin ran off. Justin had almost started crying he was so angry.
Lance came up to JC as he was walking towards the bus that would take them back to the hotel.
"What the fuck is Justin’s deal?" Lance asked, slightly angry. JC’s answer was pushed aside and he replayed what Lance just said.
"Did you just say fuck, Lance?"
Lance made JC’s question feel more rhetorical by not giving him an answer. Chris came up to Lance and JC.
"Look, oh hey Chris. You guys, just lay off Justin for the rest of the night. I mean it. Don’t talk to him unless he talks you. He’s sorry for messing up our gig, but he tried his best."
"Isabel and Elise, isn’t it?"
JC nodded.
"Isabel’s here and she knows about Elise. Apparently they met, too."
Lance and Chris had looks of worry on their faces.
"Ok. End of discussion." JC said to the both of them as they piled onto the bus.
Justin was the first one off the bus, wanting to shrug off the feeling of 4 sets of eyes on him the whole ride to the hotel. He went straight into the hotel, not looking up at any of the familiar faces of fans standing outside the hotel. He got into the elevator and it seemed like it took forever, but he arrived on their floor.
He slipped the card in the door, waiting for a green light but all he got was red. He was getting frustrated when he did it again and he got the green. He opened the door and stepped inside a silent room. He was unaware that Isabel was sleeping.
Justin’s entrance caused Isabel to awaken, but she didn’t get up or move. Just listened.
"Your so dumb, J. Isabel’s never gonna give you any now. I might as well live the rest of my life jacking off… way to go."
Isabel wanted to burst into laughter so bad, she had to cover her mouth.
"And your inlove with her… why did you go screw Elise?" Isabel listened, and there was a long silence. "You love Elise, too… that’s why you screwed her."
Isabel turned onto her back under the covers. Justin had been removing his shirt and Isabel scared the shit out of him. He threw his shirt onto the floor.
"Damn, Isabel! You scared the shit out of me!" He yelled, trying to catch his breath. Isabel laughed.
"Sorry."
"Where the hell were you, I thought you’d come to the show. I mean, that’s the whole reason you came to New York right?"
"Yeah, gosh, Justin. I’m sorry but I wasn’t feeling too good. See, finding out that your husband of 2 years has been cheating on you is not so easy to deal with. So I stayed home."
"Thanks a lot."
"Thank YOU a lot. For fucking someone else behind my back!"
"Don’t you see how sorry I am? What the hell!"
Justin left the room and went into the bathroom. He jumped onto the counter and closed his eyes, slowly regaining his composure. He opened his eyes and wiped the tears brimming his eyes.
"Justin, just tell me why you did it." Isabel said, standing sleepily in the doorway, bra and underwear the only thing on her body. He looked her up and down as casually as possible, feeling he had the right since she was his wife.
"Why you lookin’? You ain’t getting’ none of this!" Isabel snapped. Justin set his stare on her eyes.
"Isabel, I’m unimaginably sorry for what I did to hurt you. I love you so much, it’s crazy."
"I love you, too, Justin. How am I supposed to trust you again?"
Justin opened his mouth to respond, but the room phone rang. Isabel went to get it, Justin not far behind.
Justin came into the room and Isabel was sitting on the edge of the bed with a smile on her face.
"Roland, baby, do you wanna talk to Daddy? Ok, let me get him." She said. She looked up and handed the phone to Justin. He wouldn’t take it.
"Give me a kiss, first." He said.
"No." Isabel venomously denied him.
"Just one, just a peck, come on." He continued.
"No." She said. Justin pounced on her, kissing her neck and her jawline. She couldn’t lie, the feeling was very enjoyable. But then she thought about Elise and couldn’t help but speak. She covered the phone so Roland couldn’t hear.
"Is this how you kiss Elise, too?"
Justin sprung off Isabel and sat next to her, grabbing the phone.
"Hey #1, what’s up buddy? Yes, Daddy is doing good. It’s kinda’ late for you to be on the phone, isn’t it? Oh is Grandma. I see. Well…. Yes, I promise. I promise me and mommy are gonna come home together this weekend."
Isabel looked away from Justin, knowing it was unlikely that Justin would keep that promise.
The next morning, Justin woke up and felt Isabel’s body next to his. He was so happy that she was his wife, and it hurt him deeply to think about what a piece of shit husband he was now. He turned to face her and kissed her forehead. She didn’t stir, just breathed in and out softly. He got up and went to start a shower. He had everything in the bathroom, his towel, his toothbrush, his shampoo, but he forgot one thing.
"Aftershave, that’s right." He said, coming out of the steamy bathroom and going silently to his gym bag and digging around until he found his can of Aftershave. He looked at Isabel, still sleeping and smiled. Then he got up off one knee and headed back to the bathroom. As he passed the door, he remembered to put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ Sign on the outside door handle. He opened the door and slipped the sign on the handle. But Elise caught his attention. She was walking up to him, and walked faster when she saw him standing at his door.
"Justin," She said. Justin silenced her.
"Isabel’s sleeping," He told her in a whisper. "What are you doing here?"
"I’m surprised your up."
"Yeah, me too. Back to my original question. What are you doing here?"
Elise felt Justin pull her by her arm into the room. Justin took great care in closing the door, trying to make as little noise as possible. The sound of the running shower covered up most sounds, though.
Justin took Elise by her waist and backed her up against the wall next to the bathroom. They kissed for a couple minutes, and then Justin pulled her again into the bathroom.
In the shower, the cool tile wall felt relaxing against Justin’s warm back. Elise kissed him passionately, and her hands rubbed his chest. She felt the ripples in Justin’s abs. Justin kissed her neck, nipping at her skin every once in a while.
"Stop teasing me, Justin." She said. Justin looked at her with a puzzled face.
"What?"
"You’re teasing me." She said, her hand brushing his manhood. Justin leaned his head back against the wall. Then he turned them around so he was in front of her. He entered her with a rough, quick thrust. Just the way she liked it.
"Justin!" She cried out, not able to keep quiet even though she knew she had to. Justin covered her mouth with his.
*~
Justin wrapped a towel around his body and stepped out of the bathroom. Isabel was awake, and apparently in desperate need to take a pee.
"God, J. You’ve been in there for… hours." She said, looking at his nearly perfect upper-torso.
"I know you ain’t tryin’ to look." Justin said, passing her with a deceptive grin.
It had been so long, Isabel didn’t know if he was serious or joking.
Later that morning, Justin found some quiet time in his hotel room. He was writing some song lyrics that had came to him, along with a melody. Thankfully, he had brought along his tape recorder. He picked it up and pressed record. He sang the little bit of song and was getting more ideas as he went along when Johnny’s yelling in the hallway caught his attention. He set his recorder down and got up from his chair. He threw his pencil on the table and went to find out what Johnny wanted.
"Justin! Get your ass out here right now, I need a word with you!"
Justin knew Johnny was pissed about the HBO thing. He said a silent prayer and walked out of his room. In the process of speed-walking down the hall, he passed Isabel.
"Where are you going?" She asked. He continued right on by her but told her it was something about Johnny. She stopped walking, slowly regaining her pace. After Justin disappeared, she came to her room. She got her key out, and the clicking sound of a door next to her turned out to be JC coming out of his hotel room. He saw Isabel and he knew what was about to happen.
"Oh, good. Follow me, we need to talk."
JC followed her into Justin’s room. He stopped but she continued farther inside, so he followed.
"This is about Roland, isn’t it?" JC said, beginning the conversation. Isabel turned to him, hands on her hips.
"Yes, it is."
"Well good. You know, Justin’s gonna find out eventually. I mean, we can’t keep it a secret much longer."
"We have to, Josh. Justin can’t ever find out about it. Not ever."
"That’s not gonna happen, I’m telling you, ‘Bel." JC warned. "And I can’t believe you think it’s ok to flip out over Justin getting it on with Elise when your hiding the fact that Roland isn’t really his! And it’s not like you can say anything about his cheating…. You cheated on his ass first. With me, none the less!"
"That was a mistake."
"Yes it was. But Roland is the best thing that ever happened to me. Do you know how much it hurts that I can’t be a part of Roland’s life? Do you know what it feels like to hear Roland calling Justin daddy when I’M his father? You should have told him as soon as we found out."
"JC, I know your hurt-"
"Did you know that on Roll’s birth certificate it says father: Justin Randall Timberlake? It SHOULD say father: Joshua Scott Chasez! It should, and it doesn’t!"
"I know!" Isabel sobbed, sitting down in the same chair Justin had been sitting in minutes earlier. She didn’t even notice Justin’s recorder. Even if she did, she wouldn’t have thought it to be on.
"This is a huge mess, Josh. I’m sorry."
"I’m sorry, too. For ever getting involved with you, Isabel."
JC stormed out of the room and Isabel was left crying uncontrollably.
*~
Justin returned to his room, finding it empty. He was about to turn on the TV but he remembered what he was doing earlier. He came over to the table and picked up his tape recorder, finding it had recorded all the way through to the end of the tape.
"Better rewind this bad boy…" Justin said, pressing the rewind button and sitting down in the chair. He could’ve sworn he smelled Isabel’s perfume. He shrugged it off and it was about then that JC and Lance walked in.
"Hey, guys. You wanna hear this new song idea?"
Lance and JC sat down on the bed.
"Yeah, play it, bro." JC said, excitedly.
Lance’s cell rang, and he answered it. He started talking immediately and whispered to the guys something about ‘business’. He left the room, leaving JC and Justin to themselves.
"Ok, here it is." Justin said, pressing play. JC had stood up and walked closer to J so he could hear. The song was beautiful, JC had a facial expression that showed he was pleased. "Oh, Johnny was screamin’ for me so I hadda’ run out. Guess I left it on."
Justin was about to stop the tape, assuming there was nothing to listen to. But then he heard Isabel’s voice, getting closer as she spoke. He scrunched his eyebrows together and then JC’s voice picked up as well.
"This is about Roland, isn’t it?"
Justin’s eyes grew wide. He looked up wearily at JC, as if not sure what was going on. He chewed his nails, not knowing how bad it was about to get. But JC knew, and he was terrified. But there was no way he could stop it now. Justin was going to hear everything that he and Isabel discussed. The secret was about to become known.
"Well good. You know, Justin’s gonna find out eventually. I mean, we can’t keep it a secret much longer."
"We have to, Josh. Justin can’t ever find out about it. Not ever."
Even after hearing this, Justin still didn’t quite understand.
"And I can’t believe you think it’s ok to flip out over Justin getting it on with Elise when your hiding the fact that Roland isn’t really his! And it’s not like you can say anything about his cheating…. You cheated on his ass first. With me, none the less!"
Justin laughed that being the only thing he could do. He took his nail out of his mouth and looked at JC.
"This was a joke, right, bro?"
JC couldn’t pull his head up to look at Justin.
"…C? Quit playin’…"
After a few seconds, reality set in and Justin realized what was going on.
Chapter 6
Justin sat next to Isabel, although they said nothing. Isabel was mortified that Justin found out, and Justin was to angry with her to even look at her. They had been on a flight back to Memphis, where they would meet up with their son.
[He’s not your son, J. Get it out of your mind. He’s not your blood] Justin thought to himself. [Roland Jackson Timberlake sounds way better than Roland Jackson Chasez, anyways.] He pouted. [I can’t let him go. I don’t know how to let him go.]
About 20 minutes later, they were landing at Memphis Regional.
"This is your captain, I’d like to thank you for flying with American Airlines from New York to Memphis. We are landing now. The temperature in Memphis is a cool 70 degrees. The time is about 1:30 PM. If you wanna set your watches back an hour, we’re in Central Time now. Thank you."
Justin looked at Isabel out of the corner of his eye. She was looking out the window, and her hand graced her stomach. Her head unexpectedly turned to him, and he set his stare straight ahead of him as if he wasn’t watching her.
"Justin, I know this is a bad time to talk to you about this, but, I can’t hide it much longer.
Justin’s head slowly turned until he was looking at her.
"Do I even wanna know?"
Isabel rolled her eyes.
"Cut the crap, J."
"Cut to the chase, Is."
Isabel had a stare of determination, and this worried Justin.
"Fine. I’m pregnant."
"Again." Justin muttered.
She turned in her seat even more, her mouth slightly open.
"Yes, Justin. Again. And this time, I’m positive it’s ours."
"Sorry, don’t take this the wrong way, but… I don’t believe you."
Justin turned away from her and they didn’t speak another word to eachother until they were walking through the tunnel and into the airport gate.
"Daddy!"
Justin heard Roland’s voice before he even came all the way out of the tunnel. Then Roland came into sight, running like the wind to Justin. Justin swooped Roland up and into his arms, but it wasn’t the same. This wasn’t his son.
"Daddy, I missed you." Roland said, his arms around Justin’s neck.
"Hey, I missed you too, little man."
Justin put Roland down and Isabel smiled at Roland.
"Hey big guy!" She said, picking him up.
"Hi Mommy!" Roland cheered. "I’m so glad your back!"
"Oh me, too, baby!"
For only being 3, Roland could somehow pick up on the coldness between Justin and Isabel.
"Mommy, Daddy, what's wrong?"
The two looked at each other and smiled.
"Nothings wrong, Rolls."
Justin took Roland’s right hand and Isabel took his left as they walked together.
Later That Day
JC couldn’t believe what had happened. He couldn’t get the look on Justin’s face out of his mind. No matter what he did, he still kept seeing it. Over and over again.
"… Jace, I have to tell you… I’m pregnant. Again. And this time I’m sure it’s Justin’s."
Isabel waited, but JC had nothing to say.
"Great." He muttered.
"Josh, I could really use some help here. I’m scared."
"So am I. I’m scared of what it’s gonna do to Roland when he finds out that Justin isn't really his dad. Plus, I mean, Justin’s been a part of Rolands life since Roland was born. Roland wont know how to adapt to those kind of changes."
"What are you saying?" Isabel asked.
"I’m thinking that Justin should adopt Roland. I’m not cut out to be a father just yet anyways."
"But you ARE a father."
"Biologically, yes. Physically, no. I’ve never been in the position where I’ve gotten to BE his father."
"JC…" Isabel kind of whined.
"Isabel…" He mocked her.
Chapter 7
Justin sat down on the couch in his living room. He watched Roland running around with a friend.
"Ok you two. It’s time for Kyle to go home."
Roland set down the toy airplane and Kyle went over to get his shoes on.
"Thanks for playing with me." Kyle said.
"Yeah, it was fun. Hey, can you spend the night? I bet my Dad will say yes." Roland asked. Justin sat there and listened distantly at the way Roland said ‘dad’.
"No, Roland. Not tonight."
"Daddy-"
"No." Justin said in a slightly stricter tone of voice.
Kyle and Roland headed for the back door, where Kyle would run across the lawn to his house across the way.
After closing the screen door, Roland came over and sat with Justin, now laying on the couch.
"Dad." Roland said, squeezing Justin’s cheeks together so his lips made a fish look. "You’re a fishy."
Justin held the back of Roland’s head, laying it against Justin’s chest.
"Nap time, Rol."
"Ok. When’s mommy come back?"
"Coming back, Roland."
"When is mommy coming back?"
"Tomorrow."
"Why did she go again?"
"To meet up with Uncle JC."
"Why?" Roland kept asking the W’s.
"Because they have to talk."
"About what, Daddy?"
"About things you won’t understand until your older."
"Old like you?" He asked.
"Yes, older like me, RJ."
Roland stopped talking and soon fell asleep. Justin just laid there, combing Roland’s hair with his fingers. He listened to the distinct way it sounded when Roland breathed. A tear pricked his eye, and he tried to hold it back, but it broke loose and streamed down his cheek. The only thing he had in this crazy, upside down world Justin knew was Isabel and Roland. And he was going to lose them both.
*~
JC invited Isabel into his house.
"I likes." She said, looking around as she stepped inside.
"Yeah," JC said, closing the door behind her. "I do, too. It’s like when I walk in I go ‘Holy shit, do I live here?’ "
Isabel laughed, pulling her coat off and hanging it on the coat rack on the wall.
"So, I guess-well, let me get a hug, Issy."
JC said, opening his arms and awaiting her embrace. She hugged him, and JC breathed in deeply.
"God, it feels so good to hug you."
"Funny, I was thinking the same thing."
They remained in a hug for what seemed to the both of them like forever. But neither was complaining.
*~
Justin had been sleeping when the phone startled him awake. He dug into his pants pocket and pulled out his phone.
"Hello?" He answered, groggy from sleep. He hadn’t bothered to read his Caller ID.
"Justin, it’s me."
"Oh hey El."
Elise smiled, happy that Justin knew her voice.
"What’s up? How is everything? Oh jeez, I heard about the whole thing with you and Roland."
"Yeah, I guess word gets around when it comes to things like that, doesn’t it?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Well hey, how’s your break going?"
"Ok. I do miss you, though."
Elise smiled, twirling her hair.
"I miss you too, baby. Where’s Isabel and Roland?"
"Well, Isabel is in D.C. with Jace, I’ll explain why in a moment, and Roland is here, sleeping."
"Hmm. I see, and so… why is your whore-of-a-wife with JC?"
"Well… it is her baby’s daddy." Justin said in his cute little voice. Elise laughed.
"I bet that makes you feel strange, doesn’t it?"
"Hurt, more like. Roland is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and now I feel like it was never even real."
"Roland and you get along, don’t you?"
"Like you wouldn’t believe." Justin said.
"Aww, you guys are really close."
"I love that kid with all my heart. I can’t even describe how much he means to me."
"How much… do I mean to you?" She asked.
Justin wasn’t sure how to respond to this.
"Elise, you know I… love you."
"Well then why are you at home when you should be here with me."
"Are you-"
"Still in New York, yes." Elise said. She sat down in a chair overlooking downtown New York City.
"Look, I’m low on minutes. I’ll see what I can do. Isabel’s gonna be back tomorrow though. We’ll see."
Elise said nothing and Justin continued.
"So I’ll call you tomorrow."
"Ok." Elise said in a pouty tone.
"Hey." He said. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Night."
They hung up, each longing for eachother.