You complied like a soldier. You took off your boxers unbelievably fast and put the condom on. I stared at your erection like a little girl who had never seen anything like that before. You gave my mind no time to digest what it had just seen, just wonder if I could fit that. I could sense your urgency as you climbed on top of me again, and I wanted to do my best to please you. But I knew you d be more pleased if we took it slow, so I didnt let you in just yet.
Kiss me, I requested.
I was hungry for those pouty lips that I had felt all over me. I kissed you passionately with slippery lips and a playful tongue and you kissed me back the same way. It pains me to think I will never taste those lips again, run my fingers over the, bite them, and suck them. It pains me to think that someone else will. Is.
My legs spread as my heated body gained control over my mind. Every cell of my body screamed at the contact of your tip with my awaiting centre. I held my breath as you pushed yourself inside me, trying to remain as calm and relaxed as possible, which at that moment seemed impossible. YOU were inside of me. How on earth could I be relaxed?
I remember how my walls clutched around you and squeezed you, like they had no intention to let you go. That moment, the moment we became one, inseparable, a feeling of completeness covered me like a blanket.
Oh JC. Words began escaping my lips.
Are you ok?, You asked, brushing my bangs away from my forehead.
Yes
If you only knew how much my body needed the pain of you stretching me.. If you only knew how much I wanted to burst into tears that moment.
I couldnt have enough of you. All my senses were on overdrive.
Your skin was so unbelievably smooth. Your shoulders and your slim neck
your lean torso with the sculpted muscles.. almost like a preteens, with a shade of chest hair to betray your real age
Your temples tensed each time you thrust inside me. I couldnt help but keep my eyes open and stare at you, suck in every image of you, every spasm of your facial muscles, every sensual expression.
I was holding you by the wrists, as if that way I could keep your eyes locked on mine. But when pleasure began building around my super sensitive clit, I only panted and called your name in every exhale. And then the world began spinning for a second time. You kept thrusting inside me and I wouldnt stop planting grateful kisses all over your face and neck, and lick your ears. My fingers began exploring your body and when I felt the urgency of your thrusts, and your non-stop groaning and panting, I tried to make your orgasm more intense. And I guess I did it, coz you let out the deepest and sexiest groan I have ever heard, combined with the most hair raising expression on your face and collapsed on my body.
My arms flew to hold you close to me. I hugged you. You sighed and fell sleep instantly.
The times I had imagined this? Countless. The times I had even put those thoughts on paper? Too many to mention. When they say that nothing is like the real thing.. Well they say it for a reason.
I will be honest. I didnt expect to feel the way I did. I thought
I thought I was dysfunctional. It turns out I just hadnt been with the right person. Your mere touch, your breath, the sounds escaping your throat
Those were enough to make me swell. And you were so nice to me. You took your time to turn me on. It wasnt that hard, was it? You werent supposed to be that amazing JC. You were supposed to be selfish. You were supposed to be not caring. Just driving yourself to your own peak. You were supposed to be a bad lover. Make me hate you. Maybe that way it wouldnt hurt this much that I wont see that expression of delight on your face again. Ever.
I let you sleep for about two hours. I fell asleep as well, and woke up when you rolled on your back. I am still grateful for that.
My eyes examined the features of your face. Perfectly chiselled cheekbones, the cutest nose with a little scar on it, the most beautiful lips I had ever seen, the chicken pox scar on your forehead
I couldnt help but reach out and touch it. We have the exact same scar, at the exact same place. No, not the heart, the forehead.
My fingers joined my eyes in the exploration. I grazed my digits over every place I examined. I love touching. I have to touch something to like it, to love it, to feel it. The effort Im making to accept the fact that my fingertips wont burn again from the heat of your skin is beyond great. Just like my pain.
Lowering my eyes, I met the most amusing distraction. What had rocked me to ecstasy just a couple of hours before. What had been nicknamed, capped, worshipped, made fun of, disrespected.
My mouth craved for it. Craved to taste it.
Biting my lower lip at the thought, I moved my body lower and begun leaving wet juicy kisses on your thighs. So masculine. So strong. You were sleeping peacefully, lost in your own little dream world. I wanted to wake you up into mine.
Taking your flesh in my mouth, I was licking and sucking your private parts slowly. I felt and I saw you harden. I loved tracing your growing erection with my wet thumb all the way up on side and down the other. Your body reacted to me long before your mind did. When I combined my hands with my mouth, I looked up and met the most surprised lakes of blue.
Ang.. you choked.
Yes?, I asked with pretence innocence.
What.. What are you doing?. Oh I thought it was quite obvious baby.
I crawled over you and nibbled on your lips you just enjoy.
You became hard and hot and needy inside my mouth. My fingers were working your length and my tongue was twirling around your tip. Your grateful moans showed me you were enjoying it as much as I did. That was all I wanted. To please you. Of course, I also wanted to love you and comfort you and care for you and make that smile never fade from that beautiful face of yours. But those were things I could not do.
So I sucked you.
I played with your balls, your thighs. I paid attention to every little spot down there. And I would look up and see you moaning and breathing heavily with your hands holding the bed post, and the veins of your arms showing, and your eyes wide shut
and all my love for you was gathering again between my legs. I never thought I would enjoy it as much as I did.
When I felt your balls tighten, I prepared myself and sucked even harder. But instead of coming in my mouth, you pushed away my head and ejaculated on the mattress.
Were you for real?
You surprised me. I licked my lips and began kissing all those places that I hadnt, listening to you trying to catch your breath. Your belly, your beautiful hipbones. I would give anything to know what you were thinking. Me? Nothing? What I did wrong? What you had to do the next day? I didnt know what was happening behind those closed eyelids and it was driving me insane.
Sighing, I placed my head on your tummy and curled myself around your body. I closed my eyes and let my fingers caress you. I simply wanted to enjoy your smell, your warmth, your post orgasmic pulse.
All of a sudden, you jumped up and rolled me on my back. Lie down baby
, you requested and I had no choice. My heart began beating like a drum when my mind thought of the possibility that you wanted to reciprocate. And you made it obvious. Locking your eyes with mine, you began your descend down my body, kissing me all the way.
JC, you dont have to. Those words came out of my mouth without permission. I guess that little part of my brain that had control over my body spoke for itself.
You shushed me and with the most erotic look on your face you brought yourself up and kissed my lips hard, grinding against my poor centre. Your eyes and mouth had given it a promise and now it was aching.
JC.. you dont have to, I mumbled again, praying inwardly that you wouldnt listen to me.
You have no idea how much I want to. No other answer could be as perfect as that.
Perfect was also the way you fucked me with your tongue. The feelings I was experiencing were so intense that I cant remember much. My mind had gone numb. I do remember thought, the handful of hair trapped between my fingers, the way I cried your name and how mind blowing my orgasm was.
No other man had done that for me. No other man would do that for me. I couldnt believe how incredible you had been to me. You brought tears to my eyes and I know you noticed although I was hoping for the opposite. But you did not ask me why. Either you didnt care, or you could sense the baggage and the issues behind those tears. Instead, you began planting sweet kisses on my face.
JC, I whispered. You shushed me again. But I had to say it. Thank you, I mumbled.
You had just granted me with the 3rd orgasm of the night and I still hadnt had enough of you. I wanted to touch you again, to feel you throbbing between my palms. You seemed hungry for me too; something that was making my heart beat fast. Never had a man shown such interest, such passion, such desire for me. The way you kissed my body was for seminars. I willingly followed every request and succumbed to every wish you had. When you turned me on my stomach, I shuddered, as your breath sent tingling sensations down my spine and right to my core. Your excitement was getting obvious again and I loved every second that it would rub against me, coz I knew it was making you lose your breath.
I wanted a forth one. I wanted you inside again. I knew I would be sore the next day but I couldnt care less. The pain of you stretching me was the sweetest torture.
I dont think you expected me to do that. I heard you groaning when you felt me lifting and grinding against you, but you moved back. I had to do it again and glance at you over my shoulder and even vocalize my need.
JC, I whispered, I want you, inside, right now.
When you asked me how it was possible to be so wet so soon again, I let out a laugh. Silly boy. You had no idea how hot you made me. You had no idea how much I wanted you. You had no idea how good you felt. You had no idea that I never wanted a man as much as I wanted you. You had no idea. No clue of the things you had done for me.
I want you this much. Plain and simple.
It didnt take me long to get lost on 7th heaven again. I dont know if it was the position but this climaxs intensity almost made me pass out. Having your whole body rubbing against mine, and your warm breath on the back of my neck, and your sexy voice in my ear, and your even sexier words
I guess I m not that dysfunctional after all.
I was lost in my effort to gain my composure, although to be totally honest, I really didnt want to. I wanted to stay lost like that
I could feel your eyes on me as you had rolled my limp body over and had placed our hands over my head. That pelvis of yours was moving in a mind-blowing rhythm. You came and we were mouth to mouth, breathing each others orgasms. I swear I heard you saying ffffffffuck
. I will never forget the look on your face and that deep appreciate groan before you collapsed on top of me again.
Are you an angel?, you asked moments later, your voice cracking. I looked at you, with your crazy sweaty hair and flushed face and my eyes watered at the sweetness and honesty of your question. I just shook my head. You were incredible you added.
You really mean that?». Miss insecurity. I tucked your crazy hair behind your ear.
I really mean that, you assured me. You kissed my lips again and began a slow journey down my body with your fingers until you reached the top of my foot. Of course, I shuddered.
A bit sensitive there?, you inquired, smiling with your accomplishment.
A lot.
I like your skin so much. What a compliment. Smooth, dark, so sexy
and beautiful. I wanted to cry. But I literally had no time as pleasure shocks shot to my brain from my belly button, where your tongue had invaded. It felt so good, I had to bite my lips to stifle the moans that were threatening to escape my throat again. I think the rooms around us had heard me enough already.
I have to admit you have the body that I love. I dont get impressed my built bodies and really buff men whose chest muscles are bigger than my breasts. Your body was the definition of what I wanted. Skinny skinny man. Boyish. I think I m sick.
You re so skinny, I mumbled after you removed that lethal tongue from my belly button. You heard and you frowned. And thats a compliment, I added. You let out a soft chuckle.
You like?
Oh if you only knew
I love, I replied.
Rolling on top of me, you launched another attack against my mouth. Having no strength or intention to resist, I surrendered to you again, letting my body take control and speak with yours.
But then I realized, it was really late. I had woken you up, and had given you two exhausting orgasms. Werent you dead tired?
Arent you tired?» I asked breaking the kiss.
A lot, you replied with that evil smile.
Why dont you lie down and sleep? I suggested. You smiled again. You really need to stop doing that to women you know.
Am I that heavy for you? you joked. I swatted your shoulder.
You have to rest I said.
But if I rest.. you began, I ll miss this, you continued, caressing my face. And tears filled my eyes again. You were too good to be true.
You need to rest for.. I began to say but stopped. I didnt even know what I was going to say.
For tomorrow? you asked, sounding anxious.
For tomorrow I verified.
You flashed me the cutest smile with the excitement of a five year old and laid behind me. You pulled me closer to you and nuzzled your face in my hair. What a wonderful feeling. In your arms. Thats where I belonged. Thats where I was happy. Life was beautiful. Life was the best.
I couldnt sleep. And I didnt want to. I wanted to feel your every single heart beat. I wanted to feel your hot sleepy breath on my neck and your warmth against my back. I closed my eyes and smiled, sighing. Who would have thought
.
Unfortunately, for the first time during that whole evening, reality crept back in my head and overwhelmed me.
What was I doing there?
I did NOT belong there.
I didnt belong in your arms or your bed or your world, or your heart.
I panicked.
I gave up the fight to hold back my tears.
I was a simple nothing. How could I be so naïve? To think that something could happen after this? Nothing could, nothing would, nothing should.
The look of disapproval on your face when you d find out about the obsession I had with you, would kill me. I wouldnt be able to stand the disgust, drawn on your face when you d find out that I was even writing stories about you and posting them on the net
You d hate me, you d hate me.
I had followed you to your room to physically please you for all the things that you had unknowingly done for me. I had no right to think of a tomorrow with you. I was a nobody. You were a somebody. Mission was accomplished. Time was up.
You were all I had dreamt of and more. I couldnt compete with that. I could never compete with any of the women you could have. I just couldnt. You werent supposed to make me feel like this JC. You were supposed to fuck me and leave
But you
But you made me fall for you in a different way all over again
Made me tell you things I had never told a man before
You werent fair JC, you werent fair
My body moved away from yours and I brought my knees to my chest as I felt shivers down my spine from the cool air of the room. And I began crying
Crying inconsolably, trying to accept what I hadnt, yet. What I couldnt, yet. That I should pick up the pieces of my heart, pride and clothes and leave.
What we had was a one-night stand, right? Why would you ever want to see me again? Lil old me?
For tomorrow?
your voice kept echoing in my head.
My heart fluttered at the possibility that you really did want a tomorrow with me. But why would you? Your actions, your reactions, your words, were all showing me that you wanted me. But was it real? I didnt trust me. What if I had dreamt all that? What if you really only wanted some good sex? You had done everything right. You had approached me the right way, you had complimented me the right way, and you had won me the right way. You had made me feel important. You knew I was gonna sleep with you. What if you were that kind of guy and nothing more? What if you meant nothing of what you said, what if you said all those things amidst of passion? Or what if my mind heard you saying those things? Because I needed it?
I cried even harder. I had to leave.
I had to leave you.
Why would you ever care for me? You, who could have any woman he wanted, at any given time? What made me so special?
Yes. I know the answer to that. I loved you.
But you didnt know that, you didnt need that, you didnt need me.
And even if you did.. How could it ever work? You here, me all the way over there
Why even bother? You, a celebrity with the busiest of lives. Me, just a sick little girl.
Two entirely different worlds. Two parallel lives that just happened to dissect just for this one night. And this night had been already too much.
I would suffocate you with my love. It is too much. I dont know how to love less. And I would want you to want me, to love me, to need me. I would want more than you could give.
No.
I had to leave.
Then suddenly I felt your strong arms wrapping around me and bringing me close to your warm body. I didnt know if you had woken up and the idea scared me. Sniffling, I turned to face you.
So peaceful, so beautiful.
That face that I loved so much
I wanted to kiss it for the last time. Soft, feather light kisses I left, on your eyelids, your forehead, your nose, your temples, your cheeks, your lips, your jaw, your chin. Everywhere. My love.
It took me all the strength in the world to lift those covers and get out of my vision of paradise. Lifting those covers meant taking the most difficult decision ever. Doing what I knew that I would regret for the rest of my life.
I was a coward. Scared. Stupid. Never knew this could happen and I panicked. So bad. And I had convinced myself that it was for the better. For me. And especially for you. And you were what mattered to me.
Sagapo I whispered, and with my eyes flooding with tears once again, I walked to the bathroom with trembling knees.
I cried and I cried and I cried.
I cursed myself in the mirror. I wanted to be selfish. And stay. And have as much of you as possible, for as long as I could. A day, a week, a month. But my mind kept saying no to me. No.No.No. It ordered me to run away. To leave you alone. It told me I was nothing to you and I never would be, It told me I was just a nights fuck.
With eyes swollen and hands trembling, I put my clothes on, folded yours and ripped the photographs in half. I thought that if I left you my picture, maybe you d remember me. IF you kept it
I kissed the pieces I would leave behind and put them back on the table.
I stole your hat. I did. And I never take it off. I want to have something of you on me. To feel you on me.
I looked at you one last time. And with my heart exploding to one million pieces, I shut the door behind me.
I left.
I left you.
You.
I actually fainted on the way out of the hotel. An old man helped me gain my senses and asked me if I needed something or someone.
17th Floor, room 1769.
If you really wanted that tomorrow, I will never find out. If you really didnt
thank you for the memory. If you remember who I am, I love you. If you even think of the women who loved you, remember me as well. I may have not been the best, but I loved you so much more
And here I am now, four months later, drinking my coffee blank, just like you. No sugar can sweeten the bitterness. And that nights most important souvenir
well, its heart is beating inside me.