I grabbed the condom and almost tore it apart. I put it on as fast as I could and positioned myself over you again. I hovered above you, feeling the heat radiating from your skin. The wetness pouring from your centre. I tried to position the tip of my penis in your opening but you would shift slightly and wouldnt let me. Surprised, I looked at you.
Kiss me, you pleaded.
My head dove back to your lips and you kissed me like there was no tomorrow. I have never felt a kiss hungrier than that.
You spread your legs more and I pushed myself inside you slowly. I felt you holding your breath. I was so worried I was hurting you that I wouldnt move unless I felt it was ok. And then you let your breath out and a sweet oh JC.
Are you ok?, I asked.
Yes.. you whispered.
And then I began. Pushing myself in and out of you, covering myself with your wetness and pounding in your warmth. Slow at first, and then faster
and faster
and deeper
Our bodies colliding and uniting.
Heaven. Thats where I was.
I looked between us, watching myself disappear and re appear from inside you, all soaked and red.
Supporting myself on my elbows, my hands were holding the sides of your head. Your eyes would just stare at me, and I couldnt look away either. Just right into those brown cores, watching your face and expressions change and contort with pleasure.
Your hands were holding mine by the wrists, but soon they flew to grab my back. And then the grasp of your fingers on my back got tighter and tighter. I remember you whispering my name almost with every thrust. I remember how fast you came, and how you cried Oh GOD! JC!. I m such a selfish bastard. I wanted those two words to be connected. God JC.
I kept thrusting, getting dizzier and dizzier from your wet kisses on my neck and your fingers all over my torso. But when I felt them moving down and closer to my anus, kneading and massaging every inch of flesh, while pushing me deeper
that was it. I exploded like a fuckin volcano. My cum must have torn the condom and reached your stomach or something, coz that wasnt like cumming, it was like shooting a damn gun.
I remember how I literally collapsed on you and you wrapped your arms around me, kissing the top of my head. I couldnt tell if you touched anyplace else, coz I couldnt feel anything from the neck down. Extreme pleasure shock.
I fell asleep instantly. And I mean instantly. I now wonder how your tiny little body managed to breathe with my weight on it. I have no idea how long I slept for or if I moved away on my own or you made me and what not. All I know is that a warm wet sensation is what woke me up.
Tingling shocks of pleasure were shooting though my body, generating from my penis. Opening my eyes, I realized I was almost panting. I lifted my head and looked down.
And what did I see
A woman looking at my penis like it was the most precious thing in the world, her tongue moving in and out of her mouth to lick and tease it and her smooth hands slowly rubbing the length of it, guiding it to full erection.
Ang.., I managed to whisper.
Yes?, you asked.
What
what are you doing?, I asked.
You moved closer to me, and placing your lips on mine, you nibbled You just enjoy..
And I did. Hell, I did. I saw your face moving back to my penis. You let your drool fall on it and slowly took the tip of it in you mouth. HELL. Wet sweet heaven. You twirled your tongue around the tip and sucked gently, your one hand stroking me and the other massaging my inner thigh. My mind was confused. It didnt know where to get the pleasure signals from first.
I felt your hand leaving my thigh to tuck your hair behind your neck. That move made me shudder. It gave me better view too. Seeing myself getting in and out of your mouth. You soon left my penis and went for my balls. You took one in your mouth and your tongue massaged it while the other ball got its attention from your other hand. The only thing I could do was spread my legs even wider and fall back. When your tongue moved along with your fingers to that little special place
my hands flew back and grabbed the bedpost. I was forcing myself to maintain the control I had over my pelvis and not let it thrust uncontrollably against you. And then you went back
and sucked.. and licked
and sucked
and stroked
and sucked
and gripped
and sucked
Saliva and precum mixing, fingers, lips and tongue all over the place, leaving no spot complaining.
And me
I was lost. Lost in the world you had lured me in. Thinking of how good it felt. Wondering why didnt every time feel like this. Wondering why the hell were you so special. Wondering what the fuck was that, that I feeling I was having towards you. And all that, while groaning and growling like never before.
When I felt myself getting really close, I lifted my torso up and moved your head away. I came hard on the mattress. You looked at me with those big brown eyes, probably wondering what the hell was I doing.
I wanted to see you swallow me, but I wouldnt do it. I mean
we werent even using a condom. I didnt know if you d want that or not, so I did what I thought I should do. Now that I think about it, I think the mattress has a hole there
As I was trying to catch my breath, you very gently kissed my thighs and belly, caressing me with your fingers. I hadnt gotten all this attention at once for I dont even know how long. Were you like that with every man? Did you go down like this on every man from the first time you slept with him? Having that look on your face? With your eyes shining like that? Did you make every man feel like a king? I silently prayed I was the only one. Yeah, can you believe it? I did. And how long had I known you for? Hmmm
. Such a selfish bastard. I wanted you mine. And I had to make it up to you.
I looked at you as you were lying on me, with eyes closed. And suddenly it dawned to me
All these feelings of anxiety and emptiness that nothing could fill that I had been having
Well
It was you. It was because I hadnt found you. And that moment, the moment I was looking at your closed eyes, that were fluttering behind your long eyelashes, my mind flooding with memories of our hours in that starbucks place, I felt complete. Call me crazy. Call me insane. But I felt it. You made me feel. Really feel. I let you reach a place I hadnt dared to let anyone in, not even myself.
Lovemaking had been just mating for me. Take what you can, give some and feel good. With you
Everything changed. I only wanted to give as much as I could.
My hand flew on your face as you lied on my stomach. I think I scared you coz your body jumped up as I lifted myself up, pushing you on your back.
Lie down baby.. I whispered. You did as I told you, trying to figure out what I wanted.
I kept my eyes on yours while I moved my body down, leaving wet kisses all the way.
JC.. you dont have to..
Sh! I shushed you and bringing myself up again, I kissed your lips hard, grinding my pelvis against your centre. Damn you were so wet. I hadnt even touched you. How could you be so wet? Had going down on me done that to you? That thought alone, made my groin start aching again. You were gonna make me hard so fast again.
JC you dont have to.. , you mumbled again.
You have no idea how much I want to.., I replied, panting.
I remember how you writhed when I plunged my tongue in your opening, licking your velvet smoothness all the way up. Your hands flew to grab my hair and your pelvis lifted up.
JC.. you cried again. My name had never sounded so sexy before. I wanted you to say it again. Moan it again. Scream it again.
I kissed your lips and pubic area loving and pleasing your every inch of flesh. I remember your silent cries and how your pelvis moved underneath me, and how hot you were, and how your fingers tagged on my hair, and how you spilled on my tongue after I wouldnt let go of your little numb.
What were you thinking while I was licking you baby? Was it just another time for you? Was I good? Did you want more? Did your heart beat as fast as mine? Was I all you could think of?
I looked up at you and move my body up. Your eyes were closed and your head was tilted to the side. I turned it towards me with my index and middle finger. You wouldnt open your eyes. I asked you to. When you did, I saw your big brown eyes glistening in the dark. You were crying?
I didnt ask you if you were. I just kissed your lips and your cheeks and your ears and every inch of skin I could reach.
JC
, you whispered.
I shushed you.
Thank you.., you mumbled.
My pleasure, I whispered back and meant it. I could do that for a living. Tasting you.
Then your hand reached down again. I remember how gentle you were, like it would break if you werent careful. Like it was the most precious thing in the world. I began kissing you all over your breasts. I hadnt paid them as much attention as they deserved. I enjoyed how those dark nipples were hard all the time. And the colour of your skin. And the scent of it.. And the smell of your sex... I kept kissing and biting and sucking your skin, enjoying its taste, and you d just respond with little moans and you d just urge me on with your fingers.
Your responses were driving me insane. Expressing your pleasure, and saying my name at the same time? Hell yes.
I suddenly turned you around. I wanted to kiss your shoulder blades, your spine, your lower back, your butt cheeks, the back of your knees, everything. You succumbed to my wishes. My erection would occasionally rub against you and you d grind against me and make me lose my breath. Until you did it.
When I was busy biting the back of your neck, you lifted your pelvis up, grinding against me. I tried to fight the sudden animalistic irresistible urge I had to just take you there like that. But I would do nothing you didnt agree with.
It seemed like you wanted it even more than I did.
JC
, you whispered, I want you
inside
right now
I was on my hands and knees and you were underneath me, lying on the bed, with your pelvis lifted and ready. How could I resist such an offer? I pushed myself inside you and couldnt believe how wet you were again. I had just licked off every fluid you had there. I asked you.
I want you this much you answered panting.
SO I began thrusting again. Again and again and again. Slowly, like you requested. Whispering things in your ear. How good you made me feel. How beautiful you were. How incredible you were. How amazing what I was feeling was. How I had never felt like this before. And how I wanted to do that the day after. And the day after that. And the day after that.
You d only moan and mumble how good I made you feel. How good I made you feel. I was so damn proud of that. It wasnt the sex, it was me. You said so yourself. You meant it, right? You had to mean it. I wanted to mean so much to you
And then I felt your walls pushing me out. I felt them contracting. I dont know if it was coz we didnt use a condom. But I swear to God, I felt it. And wanting to make your feeling more intense, I supported myself with only one arm and with the other one I found your swollen clit, and just rolled it and massaged it ever so soflty. And you cried my name over and over again, sweating and writhing underneath me.
I pulled out and turned you around. You were so beautiful. My dick was practically throbbing, aching for its release and I was teasing myself, just looking at you, trying to come down from your high. And when you opened your eyes and looked at me, I intertwined my fingers with yours and placing them over your head, I plunged myself inside you again and after a few quick hard thrusts, and your voice urging me on, I came and fell on top of you.
The most amazing sex ever.
I waited for the room to stop spinning. And damn, that took a while.
I turned to you and trailing my fingers down your tummy, I looked at you intensely.
Are you an angel?, my chin trembled as I asked. You grazed my lips with your digits and with eyes watering, you shook your head and I kissed your fingers closing my eyes. You were incredible, I said. And that adjective did you no justice.
You mean that?, you asked, tucking my wild sweaty hair behind my ear.
I really mean that. Were you questioning the amount of pleasure you had offered me?? Were you not aware of the fact that you had taken me to heaven and even higher and back?? Oh Angela, I never had such a passionate night before in my life. I had never felt such an instant connection with anyone.
I kissed your swollen lips again and my fingers moved to trace circles on your tummy and then travelled even lower. I pulled your leg closer to me. I stroked the top of your foot and you shuddered. I smiled. A bit sensitive there? I asked playfully.
A lot, you answered. The brown of your eyes was even deeper now.
I like your skin so much.. I mumbled, almost to myself. Smooth.. dark.. so sexy.. and beautiful. My head dove to your belly and I thrust my tongue in your belly button sucking your skin gently. And you, the queen of responsiveness, you lifted your torso to get closer to my head, biting your lips to stifle your moan.
You are so skinny, you mumbled looking at me. Was that a compliment? And thats a compliment. Oh.
I smirked. You like?
I love.
I rolled on top of you and began devouring your mouth, which should have been in pain by now from too much kissing. And you, you, sweet you, would respond to my kissing as if your life depended on it.
Arent you tired?, you asked breaking the kiss.
A lot. I was experiencing the sweetest exhaustion I had ever felt.
Why dont you lie down and sleep?
I smiled. Am I that heavy for you?, I joked
You need rest, you scolded me playfully. For..
I was waiting the ending to that sentence with the anguish of a convict waiting to hear the date of his death sentence.
For tomorrow? I dared to ask.
For tomorrow, you replied and my soul dove into a sea of liquid happiness.
Tomorrow.
There was gonna be tomorrow.
Annies silly tune began playing in my head as I lied to my side and pulled you close to me. I nuzzled my face in your hair with that beautiful smell, then mixed with sweat, and wrapped my arms around you. Your palms cupped my fists and you brought them to your mouth where your lips gave them their last kiss.
And then..
Then I drifted off, swimming in my sea. I began thinking of the places I d take you, the things I d show you, the secrets I d trust you with, the people I d introduce you to
The pan cakes I d attempt to make you on your first morning at my place, the songs I d dance with you, the endless hours I d spend making love to you, the hidden childhood pictures I d show you, the art museums I d take you to, the shirt I d give you to sleep in
I was high. You had intoxicated me.
A silent sobbing woke me up. I dont even know how much later. I opened my eyes and a sudden chill overwhelmed my naked body as I realized you were no longer close to me. Lying on the very left side of the bed you were sniffing and I could see your shoulders shaking in the dim light.
My heart and body froze for a moment. You were crying like a baby.
I didnt want you to understand I was awake so I pretending rolling closer to you fast asleep, and my arms pulled you closer. If you were going to cry, you were going to do it in my arms. Your body resisted in the begging but soon you relaxed and let me hold you. Sniffing you turned around to face me. You whispered something that I didnt understand, and then for a reason I didnt know, like I didnt know the reason you were crying, you began kissing my face. My lips, my nose, my eyelids. And I was so confused. Trying hard not to show you that I m awake, I was wondering what was it that made you cry in the middle of the night.
Had I done something? Had I hurt you in any way?
You interrupted my thoughts by getting up from the bed. You tiptoed to the bathroom and I pulled the covers over me to trap your warmth on the mattress.
The next thing I know, it was morning. I slowly opened my eyes and rubbed them with my fists. I looked beside me.
You werent there. I figured you d be in the bathroom, so I sat up on the bed to wait for you. Minutes went by in absolute silence. You cant imagine the feeling that took over my body when I realized
No clothes on the floor. Yours were gone and mine were folded on the armchair. And the pictures
You had torn the two sets in half and had left them on the table.
No.
I didnt want to admit that.
I got up and slowly walked to the bathroom, praying inwardly that your belongings would be in there, with you. I turned the knob and pushed the door to open. I didnt even knock.
Gone.
You were gone.
No.
My mind was racing in every direction. And then I thought.. of course! You had gone to get us some breakfast! So I put my clothes on, hanging on to that thought, washed my face and went back to sit by the window. I kept looking down, like you could see anything from the 17th floor. Well I kept hoping.
No, you would come back.
You had to come back.
One hour went by. Two hours went by. Three hours went by and I was just sitting there with my head in my hands, about to cry.
You were gone.
Now I smile with bitterness, thinking of that moment that I felt my soul shattering inside.
So many questions tortured and still torture my brain.
Why did you disappear? Was it something I said? Why? Did you deny me for fear I d deny you, Angela? Or did you just want to have your fun for that night? Did you just want to fuck me and then go tell your friends about it and how big I got it? Did I satisfy you?
What about all those things that we said Angela? What about everything you told me in that coffee shop? What about the looks you gave me, the words you cried? Was that all part of the show you had planned for me? Our night meant nothing to you? Was I the stupid one? For the first time I had met a girl that I couldnt wait to introduce to everyone, to take her everywhere, to be seen with her, to show her off. And
well, serves me right.
No. I refuse to even think of the possibility that you used me. Because if you really did, then congratulations maam. You have proved just how so not immune to hurt and heartbreak JC Chasez is. I have to admit you were good. I didnt see it coming. I thought that what I had in front of me, beside me, underneath me, was something real, something genuine, for a change.
I m sorry
Dont listen to me. I m just trying to blame you to ease the pain of losing you.
You were it Angel. I had you and you slipped right through my fingers.
I still wake up in the middle of the night, soaked in sweat, calling your name. Sometimes I open my eyes and slowly turn my head, my heart threatening to bust out of my chest coz I have the feeling you re lying there beside me. I even feel your heat on the mattress. You have haunted me.
Do you ever think of me? Did I register in your memorys guest book? Did you feel a single thing? For me? I am almost sure you did. But why did you have to leave? Did I scare you? Did I not treat you right? Should I have kept my mouth shut? For the first time I was being totally honest with a person. I told you exactly how I felt. I wanted to avoid those stupid little misunderstandings that make things worse. What a fool I was. What a goddamn fool.
I have said a lot of things to make the teenagers squeal. I have said I will know when the one comes along. And surprisingly, I did. I just did not know that even if she would be the one for me, I wouldnt be the one for her.
And now..
Now its four months later.
Now I m just sitting here, in the same club, drinking my Dry Martini with 7 olives, waiting for the endorphins to kick in, to help me stand the pain of your one night stab.