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Never Forever--Ramblings of a raisin girl








HELLO!!! This is an old page from when I was, oh, 15-16....I had forgotten about it entirely until an old friend stumbled upon it one day...I'm leaving the old stuff here, below...some it makes me laugh....some of it I still feel close to, though...(in particular, the links to "Let go", "Web") But I'm posting a new link: and I'll be adding new writings to it mroe frequently....PEACE


RAMBLINGS OF A REDONE-POSTMODERN-EXCEPTIONAL-CONFUSING-ABSTRACT-CARELESS-AND-EXHAUSTED
*~*RAISIN GIRL*~*


Right now, if you're an entertainer, it's a very good time for you. So if that's your interest, then go for it. That's what's really in demand. Poets aren't really...I hope you're good at serving food. Making coffee. But that doesn't mean...see, we don't have a value right now on that tradition . . .There's always been a place for entertainers. But when you lose your poets, something very tragic happens because they're the pulse.
- Tori



These ABSTRACT shapes, they form a gate
--through which a few shall pass
And though these few are torn in two the
Beauty of their scars will last some Small Eternities




2-20-04
They say Love hurst like hell. It does.
The funny thing is, you'll never really know its Love until you've been through hell for it, because Love isn't real until you're willing to go there.
You know what else they say?
they say if you love someone, you'll just want them to be happy, even if it means they can't be with you.
And I always thought, "nah, you can't ever WANT the one you love to leave."
But it’s not about loving the fact that he doesn’t love you...its about loving him so much that you don’t care what you feel, you only care that he breathes, that he exists




5/5/03
JUST TODAY'S THOUGHT:

And is flying really worth it, little blue bird, if it means you have to fall?
They say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I say, it is better to have remained blissfully naive than to know what love is and never have had anything concrete enough to loose . . . .




prism erosionletting gowebcircus
familiarity


And this resembles something
........Like the wind through damp hair
........The morning After we lay
Loving in the rain
Loving the rain
And it falls like stars and laughter
........– and Tears
All of them, keeping me warm
........Like your embrace does not
........When it brings only cold shock
to know that soon
this too will dissolve
And leave me in the rain
........– Alone



02-21-03
Paraphrasing Tori:
***The true victory in life, is that through it all, I've been able to maintain my vulnerability.***
***I've found the Secret of life--that I'm ok when everything's not OK***

SO, I called him last night, and he didn't have much to say, but then again, niether did I. It seems that every one of his faults are more my own, and it is his possession of them that both drawls me to him and pushes me away. . .
I could be upset, now he and I are in a stale-mate, a dead-lock for time and lost moments and the "could-have-beens" . . .but regardless, I'm here, and I'm OK.
breathe in for luck . . .
the Life Force is watching, keeping, holding . . .
the Oversoul is running like a river of thought, and we are all connected. I to you, and you to me.
Each thought once born has lived before. Each dead will live again. . .

Through the twisted pipes of
Time
flow Change, Reform, Return--
Till each new thought,
on its own short wave
is Dashed, Rehashed, and Burned

02-18-03
Something you could read . . .
Heavy steps that can't pull out of your shoes,
except that your feet were bigger than mine--
so the pebbles slid to the toes
where I couldn't know of them,
and I was trying to walk along with you--
but really, I was just tripping over the need for you
to pull me out of those shoe and hold me
where the rocks that rubbed the soles of your feet raw
can't keep me from loving every minute we spent together
as you were wishing that I was someone else entirely.



11/09/02
The truth of falsehood
enters slowly–
cautiously–
with swift aggression

Leaving you without beauty
and burning your eyes with
Ugly Accuracy
There is no way back to the
Pleasant mask of Lies–
And we don’t know of Joy . . .


7/11/02 Five steps into the light, the sunshine illuminates the landscape, it glows with the luminescent rays as sunset overtakes the afternoon. Twilight shifts into place and I stand in between the highlighted sky and the emerging night. If only I could stop in this moment and cease to be a part of the madness that surrounds us constantly. But questions beginning with “if only” are hardly worth asking, for they usually have no precise answer, but then again, maybe that’s why we invent them. Stars twinkle with undiscovered light, winking from the sky, teasing us with their irresistible beauty. If I were that star would you still bother to torment me the way you do? Or would it push you off the ledge of insanity? You’ve been walking that tight rope for so long now, and sooner or later you’ll have to fall. Fall into the vastness which circled around the perimeter of logic’s boundaries. I laugh because your face is so funny when you look at me like that.


The rest of my Little Blue World

More Rablimgs

Tori's Ramblings

Others' Ramblings

The Dimension

Epihpany

The Society

Never Forever

Or So you say. . .

More Raisins

01-07-03
(as of yet, UNTITLED)
I'd left it once, behind the shelf
where reason said I ought to
Only to find you'd reached inside
and pulled it out to suit you

So then our little daliance ensued
Just as you had directed
And reason then became a thing
that I--for you--rejected

But after bliss had reached its peak,
that logic then resurfaced
And you too fell victim to its force--
succombing to its curses

And now I ask, where are the hands?
--the gentle, proding fingers
which pulled my love from fear's tight grasp
and whose careful touch still lingers

For have they left, in face of fear
to search for that same shelf
that once they'd plucked my own love from?
Have they denied Love's wealth?

Return to me--oh sweet repose!
And enter in again
Must I administer you own sweet cure
to bring you from that Den?

I'd felt, at first, that you'd rejected
all attempts at hiding
behind a dull, yet risk-free, safegaurd
But find you there abiding

Then take your own words to your ears
And bring them close to heart
To see that Love must throw out fear
if it wants to play its part


I'm here--I'm waiting--for you to leave
that shelf you helped me burn
But you have settled in it's ashes
Never to Return . . .