February 28/2005
Hi. My name is David. One of the Dave's you know, similar in aspect
and philosophy to any Dave. Dave is not my given name. David is.
You may or may not know me, depending on where you picked up this URL,
it doesn't really matter. You don't want to know anything about me, you
want to be entertained, right? Well this is a bio page.
I used to fancy myself as some sort of non-op transsexual. Non-op, because
I know that doctors have an agenda... (why do they test our
reflexes, anyway? Is it not because they were taught in 3rd year
medical college that the best way to calm a distraught patient is
to let that patient know that you know what you are doing? Allowing
some snob to tap my knee with a $500 rubber mallet doesn't make me
believe that I know what I'm doing, and now that this
is in the public domain, there's not a snowball's chance in hell that
some AMA disciple will be cutting into me. No way.)
So, anyway, I've had to snip a major portion of this paragraph to
protect the innocent. Bitch extraordinaire, indeed.
This was supposed to be my bio page. It has become a page
where I blow off steam. Perhaps you will see somewhat of me
in it, anyway.
You can still send me your tithes, that is, if you want me to
be your God. Needy bastards. Crazy cult.
Somebody has got to take care of you. You're reading this page aren't
you? Who in Hell am I?
Okay, shoulder-length brown hair, 145 lbs., hazel eyes, size 13 feet,
and heart that's two sizes too small. Tee-hee! hee hee hee heeeeee.
Anyway, I used to be a
mhore. Most transsexuals get their start that way. I've given
up on that dream, for now anyway. I'd like to have breasts and a
womb, but I like my penis, and straight sex; I'd like, also, to have
no bones. Squid-sex has got to be awesome!
^_~
Some things, maybe, are just too far distant.
Okay, gotta snip this section too. About a prev. gf and how she'd lie to herself and complain how her diabetic teeth hurt when she drinks too much Pepsi and beer, and then... ah what the fuck, you don't need to hear it. Neither did I.
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Okay, lies. Lies built upon lies. True Darkness.
Natsumis Cere. The name I should take, as a t-s . . .
I had feared that the US would make good on her claim that she would
invade Iraq. So, I prepared a fax and sent it, asking her to
bring the Saddams Hussein to the inn where I was working in order for
them to spend their time in peaceable exile. They attacked later
that night, and it broke my heart.
You can see the faxes related to that incident
here. Lady Liberty would do well to
recall her military from overseas duty. Why do you think
people hate America? Not because she is rich. Rather, because she
is arrogant. I watched, right there on CNN, as the best US intelligence
available said that there were at least five Saddams out there,
(and possibly as many as 17! ooh!) That the arrogant Hussein was
using decoys in public in order to protect his safety. That they
would hunt down that madman and destroy his "weapons of mass-destruction".
To hell with the American government. They brainwash the American
populace. Sure, patriotism is fine: It's great to love your
country, and America was founded upon high ideals... but those ideals
have been pushed aside, as much as God has been pushed aside.
Politicians lie to the people, and ordain laws based upon the wishes
of lobby groups, and election campaign contibutors. If laws are made
for the popular, and for the wealthy, then laws are no more made to
protect the weak and the minority, and those without voice. Laws
made not in the cause of justice ensure that liberty cannot exist.
And yet, American coins each say "Give me liberty or give me death".
How dare American politicians choose death? Have you witnessed
American people? They do not choose death. They are brave, and
loyal to each other, and defend -- fiercely -- each other against
death. Remember the WTC attack? It happened Sept 11, 6 months after
my birthday, and 6 months before my birthday. I remember where I
was. In the insane asylum, listening to the opinions of the other
disturbed individuals, disturbed by injustices, we were, and are.
American politicians have hitherto glorified war, and not made ugly
the thought of war. Even now, I'm fighting the war on drugs; if the
balance of Nature makes the evolution of a plant, then it is an
imbalance to forbid it. An imbalance... perhaps injustice is the
more correct word. Whether it be the balance of Nature which creates
a plant, or God which creates a plant, no man has the right, neither
by law of Nature, nor by law of God, to forbid that plant unto me.
America shall lose the war on drugs. War is ugly. We all lose.
Education is cheap, prison expensive. It makes me angry that drugs
are so expensive, so expensive that murders are committed to
continue their propagation. Quite lucrative, it draws evil people
into the trade. The love of money is the cause of all evil.
Drugs aren't evil. Greed is evil. Drugs are unpopular. So,
the injustice has been propagated to make laws based on that which
is popular, not that which is justice. Laws so made, because of
greed. And children do more drugs, because peer pressure exists,
and exists because drugs are illega. And politicians know that this
causes drug abuse. But not by their children. So their
children won't be serving life in prison undeer the "three strikes,
you're out!" offensive, their children will have a social advantiage.
(at lease a "one strike, you're going to Bellevue for rehab"
advantage)
Men do not have the innate authority to rule other men. Shame on us
for allowing it to continue.
That, also, is a revised rant. I was ... less kind ... in the original.
I guess I'll keep a blog here. Another 15 lbs of flab to lose
... and then I started drinking meal-replacemwnt drinks when I was
diagnosed with Hepatitis C.
I now have about 30 lbs. of flab to lose.
It's good to have that blog, to blow off steam. I'm an anarchist at
my core; the forms of self-expression through which I do express
aren't necessarily those which I would choose, but I am not free to
express myself as I would choose. Our modern-day democracy restricts
me in many beaurocratic ways, and would leave me rotting in a jail,
if I did what I would, irregardless of the laws.
It does bother me, as a scientist, that the rules imposed by men
against other men are called 'laws'. Perhaps they should be called
'rules of conduct' or something similar, but 'law' carries with it
too much authority. Laws are absolute. In science, laws cannot be
contravened. In politics, laws will certainly be contravened, and
people will be punished. And that is truly the only one law
regarding man governing the actions of men:
"Break our rules and you will be punished if we catch you."
The rest is inappropriately called "the law", but are only rules,
temporary restraints imposed by some group of men against some other
group of men, by politicians against the public.
There are Laws which do apply to people, which, indeed, apply
to all living creatures. Laws as valid as e=mc². Natural laws.
But the rules of man typically ignore these laws, or worse, are
implemented to contravene them.
That is why man's laws are unjust. Rather than being an
extension of natural justice, man's laws are an added degree of
disorder in the community of people, because people must obey these
rules, even if the rules make no sense, even if the rules seem only
arbitrary and capricious. We must obey these "laws" or we will be
punished. Yet, the rules change. If the laws were just, then the
laws would not ever change. No "law" would ever be repealed. No
law would ever be amended. No need would there be for lawmakers.
Any repealed law is (and thus was) an unfair limitation
placed against the people. If it is one day deemed unfair, and
then it is repealed, then that means that it was unfair for the
entire time that it was in effect. It was unfair. It was unjust.
And yet, it was enforced... for the sake of expedience, not for the
sake of justice.
Proof that man-made laws are unfair (as if you needed any).
And so I am an anarchist at heart.
A peaceful anarchist. People should maintain peace with each other.
Anarchy has connotations of people running amock, creating disorders
and chaos across the land. Well, that is not anarchy. That is
slackness in parenting, simple mutual disrespect. And because
we are msising this "love thy neighbour as you would thine own self"
dimension from our common spirituality, we are not ready for true
anarchy. We need some manner of guidance, of governance. We
are not ready to take responsibility for our own actions, and for the
actions of our neighbours. We are not ready for anarchy.
I guess we need an education.
I tried making crystal meth twice. When I banged it, I was so high.
I couldn't sleep for a week; when I was tired I would ... rest ...,
sitting still, with eyes open, TV on, oblivious to what was happening
around me. When, after 3 or four days, my head was still ringing,
I feared that I blew out my brain or something. Fortunately, that
buzz subsided and I came down after a fortnight or so. I still have
nice vivid dreams and all, it truly is a mind-altering drug, a
once-is-forever type of deal, so I don't recommend it to anybody.
For the record, I never sold it to anybody, and only gave away one
shot, to somebody who had done it before. Why am I sharing this
info? At the time, it was the only money-making idea I had. I
decided that I needed to find another way. But if I had
decided to pay my debts by selling meth, that should be my business,
not that of the public servants whose salaries are paid by our
taxes. Also, for the record, I did more walking and felt healthier
than I had felt in years, after a week of restlessness from a bang
of meth.
As citizens, we have a responsibility to keep the peace with our
neighbours. The absence of peace is death, and chaos, and
disease, and pain. These things are both the cause of lack of
peace, and the effect of lack of peace. On the other hand, peace
cultivates love, and prosperity, and tolerance, and hope.
We should, therefore, love each other, rejoice in each other's
prosperings, respect each other's point of view,
- if we should choose to share our own - and learn from each
other, even as we allow others to do the same. Peace comes with
understanding. Love your neighbour like you love yourself.
An education. I might as well tell you about my education. I
graduated from high school with top grades, and received a full
scholarship to attend university. I had top grades in university,
but I dropped out about halfway through my second semester, at about
the same time that I tuned in. Haven't thought to turn on until just
now; which may explain why I've hitherto had no luck with the
ladies...
I had been thinking that ladies are not attracted to me because of my
muted personality. Ironic term, 'muted personality'. The voices
in my head jabber almost continually, unless I'm with other people.
When I'm with people, they (the voices) are usually quiet, unless
spoken about, or explained, or, yes, unfortunately, discouraged.
However, I find myself censoring what I say, running it past my
internal critic before I say it, and then the moment is past, and
that which I would have said, goes unsaid. It's unfortunate: muted
personality. It's difficult to be myself;
all the back-and-forth lack-of-peace in my alone hours does seriously
hinder my relationships, like, when I am with others.
Insane, as they say. (the "insane in the membrane" lyric) that come to mind,
and those lyrics are somewhat relevent. A brane divides one
space from another. Like a wall, or a more to the point, a balloon:
A balloon is a type of brane.
Anyway, a person's estate, his property, is just an extension of his
soul. One could think that "You" are separate from "Me", the
illusion is so strong. In that sense, your soul, and your property
are distinct from my soul, and my property. One could imagine a
"brane" separating our substances. Now,
suppose that you were to
loan a part of your substance to me, that I could make use of it
temporarily; then the divide between "mine" and "yours" is breached,
for as long as your substance is in my posession. And as long as
that divide is breached, our two spaces cannot separate: there is
no "brane" dividing what is yours from what is mine. Well, there is,
but, if as long as I am holding what is yours, then our estates are
bound together, connected, like. I need to return to you what is
yours. You have the right to it. I owe you. You do not owe me, if
I have what is yours. Obviously. So it all boils down to that I
must return what I had borrowed from you in order that we and our
estates may go our separate ways. Until I return what is yours, me
and my estate is in bondage to you and your estate, lest I leave
with yours and be an enriched thief, and you be a generous victim of
theft. That would be an obvious injustice.
Of course, this is all metaphysical, but it is as real as anything
metaphysical. As real as the voices in my head. As real as
forgiveness, or injustice, or incorruption: Metaphysical concepts,
each. Real, though. Just not physical: Metaphysical.
I owe VISA about $5200. I checked my credit report, and - according
to Equifax - that is where they stopped accumulating interest, and
wrote off the debt as a loss. The principal was about $3100. That
was in 1996. Looking back, I've heard voices in my head since 1991-2,
my first year at university. Also the first time I had a VISA card.
Before I ever experimented with drugs. Before I dropped out.
I was incarcerated in jail and the mental hospital from 1996-2002,
and have had a good opportunity to verify my hypothesis that the
burdonsome voices in my head are the direct result of owing moneys
which I am unable to repay. The details are both interesting and
funny, but I just do not wish to publish those details, because they
aren't relevant to this bit of education, and could potentially cause
some trouble or embarassment, but if you
e-mail me asking for
the sordid details, I'd be glad to share them. Good, fun stuff.
I would have done 4 years if I had been found guilty. The jury found
me insane, and I did 6, involuntarily medicated. Crazy system.
They (hospital staff) did not care for my "I hear voices in my head
because I owe my best friend and VISA money" hypothesis. But,
I've paid my friend the $2000 that I owed him, and he (that devil)
stopped mentally abusing me on the self-same day that I made the
final payment.
Hmm. That quieted him at least. Phew.
Muted personality.
'kay?