~*My Diary*~

 

 

  Konichi wa. This is something I wrote at the spur of the moment-- kinda. I had been thinking about it for a while and finally did it... and it took a *long* time to do it as well.. believe you, me. and *um* I donno *too* much about the Kourime, so forgive me. I wrote it in the point of view of Hiei's mother in the form of her Diary.

 

 

  17th of December 1907

Dear Journal,

Hi… The ice maidens gave me this today. They told me it would keep me out of trouble. I can’t help that I’m a little bit different then they are. Or even more different. I’m often dreaming of something beyond this island, but yet. I know of nothing. Nothing created beyond this home I live in. It’s always snowing, and at the once beautiful snowflakes that fell, leaves me with sadness in my heart. Something missing. None of the other ice maidens understand. I once tried to tell this to my mother. She looked at me confused, and then shoved my ideas and thoughts away. I was told by her to never mention this again. I do have one person who I tell. My best friend. I won’t say anything else about that now; I have to go prepare some things for the rest of the maidens.

  20th of December 1907

Hi,

Yes it’s me again. I got into trouble the other day. Hinting towards ways other than what the Elder are used to. Mother told me not to do that again. Being 116 is such an age. I thought that the past years were hard. Maybe it is only because recently I have been wondering about things beyond the island. I was always just simply satisfied with life. But something inside me tells me otherwise. What could be out there? Is it the wars that I hear beyond the island? Is it the things the Elder speak of their past? They won’t tell me. Knowing me, I don’t blame them. Mother told me that I had to keep this journal secret. So that the Elder don’t see this. Oh yes, I have grown. I am now standing at 159 centimeters tall. I’m nearly as tall as my mother and the other maidens. Yet, I’m still so young compared to them all. My mother bore me at 336 years of age. Yet I am not even half of that age. She told me that she would explain how I was created one day. Yet I’m not sure if I want to know. I heard something strange the other night. I didn’t get to write it in my last entry. I heard the elders speaking in our native tongue. Unfortunately, I never had the patience to learn. I’m thinking about asking mother to teach me, so that I can know what the other Maidens were saying. I remember a few words, but I don’t know what they mean. It’s time for me to leave this again.

~Hina

  23rd of January 1909

Wow, I didn’t know I still had this. It’s amazing. Only two entries in this. In two years. I have learned a lot, but my mind is still as inquisitive as it was two years ago. I learned my native tongue, but I prefer this one better. It’s far easier, and one I am more familiar with. The Elderly had suspicion of my writing this, so I had to put it aside. I forgot about it until the other day when I was speaking with Mother. She told me about another place… the Ningenkai. I don’t know much about it, but I was warned. To stay far away from there. Ningens live there and wouldn’t take well to ‘our kind.’ I didn’t know there was such a thing as ‘our kind.’ She had a worried look upon her face when she said this. It saddened me. I had never cried until today. Mother told me many things today. How we reproduce. About other lands. And about a war coming along. It made me cry, because although we are peaceful we will defend when we feel need to. And I don’t want to. I thought of my Mother getting hurt and it saddened me. I began to cry. It was strange. It was the first time in a while that I had seen anyone cry. I had seen it many years ago, but never paid attention to it. The other maidens watched as I cried, but never asked why. I heard something hit the ground and when I looked down there were gems. Pearls that had fallen from my face. My tears had turned to a type of gem. A type of beautiful pearl. Mother picked them up and handed them to the Elderly. She never told me why. Or what she was doing with them. Because of the nonchalant ness of it all, I stopped crying. She only told me that I had cried because of sadness and that my tears turned to precious items to the other world. And to not make a habit of it. It seemed like a way to profit, I thought. But I said nothing. I was to stay out of their business, and because of the way I am they needed not to tell me anything. Today, as I said, I found out about how I was created. I was merely a duplicate of my Mother. Literally. As an Ice Maiden, when we are ready, we reproduce by duplicating ourselves. We have a ceremony that takes place, and chants are said. Blessings are made. The reproduction takes place. She did not tell me for how long it took. Nor any other detail, telling me that I was too young. I was always too young. Too young to protect our village if anything were to happen. Too young to be happy, or if happiness were to ever come to me. I guess I might as well go play more with my best friend.

~Saddened Hina

  30th of January 1907

Today some of the Elderly started to chant. I didn’t know what for, but Mother actually told me, and I was asked to help. We all joined in a circle and started a ceremony. The entire village was then cast in a snow storm. Or rather, shielded in one. Mother than told me that wars were going on throughout the land. And that there were youkai surrounding many of the places. Some of them, somehow surviving in our atmosphere. I guess not many of the youkai can live in our weather. Something warmer then this? I can’t imagine such a thing. I also heard of a Youko that was rampaging many artifacts. So we had to protect our own. Again, I don’t know much about the artifacts that we have, except that some of the tear gems were there. Yes. I found out that the elders do keep some stored away. I’m sure they gave it some name, but they did not tell me that either. Full of information, am I not? They told me the Youko had stolen many of the Makai treasures. Leaving it to be hated by many. How could one hate anything? How could one steal? Or terrorize? With such power, one would imagine it to use it to heal or to do some justice? I don’t understand this outside world off of Koorime. I almost don’t care what the other Maidens say. Ruri-chan is the only one who understands. Almost. Yes, Ruri-chan is my friend. The only one I talk to. I don’t care. I hate living in secrecy. On Koorime, with no interaction of anyone other than the Maidens. Sometimes the Elderly go to other villages. Or other places, for herbs or anything. They again never tell me. I refuse to put their names in here. It would only be pointless, and for them to be even angrier at me if they even found this. They want us to be secret… and away from the rest of the world. But how can one be like this? How can one live like this? Mother calls my ideas foolish. I care not. But again, I will have to hold back on any entries for a while.

~Hina

  6th of July 1924

It has terribly been a while since I have written in this. I thought it would be a while. Some of my views have changed, but the most have not. As I read over the few entries, I wonder why I didn’t write more. Perhaps the amount of work I was put to. The cleaning, the herbs, the—everything. Or perhaps it was the same thing almost every day. It became routine. I had not known it had been this long. The elders are the only one’s to keep track of the days. Thank you to them, I am able to find out such things. Today I did meet someone. A boy. A man. A male. Someone different then us. He did startle me. And I do not know how he was able to past our barriers. Nor do I want to know. Nor am I complaining. He was quite a site. Beautiful. Amazing. Oh if Mother heard me now, I would surely be banned or killed by the Elderly. Mother would hush me quickly. I was bathing in the spring, when I heard something behind me. I had snuck away from the village, so I did not want to stir any attention. When I asked who was there I heard no answer. So I continued. I washed my hair in the cold spring. It felt wonderful. To be able to get away from the rest. I could feel as my aqua-marine blue hair soaked in the water. Again, I heard the noise. Startled, I quickly got out and wrapped myself. Again asking who was there. And a man stepped from beyond the bushes. He told me not to worry, that he wasn’t trying to startle me. What he said astonished me. Made a slight warmness come to my face, I had never felt before. He told me that he had never seen such beauty before. He took a step, and I could see some of the ice around him melt. I was puzzled at his tolerance. He wasn’t an Ice Maiden, nor an Ice Youkai, how was he able to withstand the temperature? Mother told me that we were the only few that could.

He told me that he was trying to escape his village, and found safety here. And had hidden in a cave away from my village and the other villages on Koorime. He had jet black hair. It was beautiful. The blue highlights accented beautifully against the pale snow. Oh, how he looked!! And how unacceptably amused I was and still am! His hair looked like that of a flame I had seen in some books the Elderly had. Something called fire. And the heat his body gave off warmed my cold skin. It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. I was able to contradict it by lowering my body temperature slightly. He was only a few feet from me, but I stood motionless. He then told me again of how beautiful I was. I didn’t understand such flattery. I look nearly like my mother and the other Ice Maidens, but never thought any differently of the way we looked. I admit I thought Mother was beautiful, but what of these words? What was he meaning? He told me of some things in other lands. In other places in the Makai that excited me. I wanted to know more, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I had to leave. He begged me to come back again. Anytime. To meet him hear, at this time any day and he would await me. I was scared, but thought that it would be fun. I never even told this to Ruri-chan. I hope she does not become angry with me. I don’t know if I could see him, or if I will. Another day.

~Excited.

  31st of July 1924

I have seen him!! Nearly every day!! He is quite beautiful!! He is slightly toned. Almost like the Ningens I have seen in the book of Ningenkai. But he’s so far more beautiful than anyone I had seen. He explained to me of his Youkai. And of his being one that can control fire. Although he said he usually stayed alive through other methods. He explained of fighting in other lands. In order to stay alive, resorting to violence. I didn’t know how to accept this. It wasn’t a peaceful way at all, but he reassured me that it was the only way. In the Makai most Youkai are not as friendly or peaceful as our kind. He reminded me every time I was saddened, although I never cried in front of him. It’s time. I have to go meet him again.

  1st of August 1924

I did not get to see him yesterday. Ruri-chan was outside waiting for me. She wanted to talk about our ancestry and some things I had rarely thought about. I wanted badly to tell her about the male I found, but couldn’t. It was my secret. I hated keeping things from her, but it was the only way. We did talk about other worlds though. I told her that I had found out most of my information from the Elder. She never questioned it from me, but in fact beckoned the Elder to come and explain more to us. As they did. Telling us about our past. And how we came to this Floating Island. A battle that had taken place many years ago, between the Youkai in Makai. Defending themselves as best they can, using any ice attack they knew. There were many males that had attempted to take some of our kind as their own. The Elder did not tell us as to why. Why would any male want to take them? The Elders told us only that it would not be a problem anymore. Our Eldest warned us of males. And how they had abused our ancestors. Forcing themselves upon them. I still did not know what she meant by this, but Ruri-chan and I nodded. Telling us of how they then fled to the Kingdome of Koorime. Claiming it as their own. The floating island above the Makai, being so terribly cold no other Youkai could survive, or very rare could. Now. About males. Could Mina-sama be telling the truth about males? Gomen! How could I doubt the eldest? But could the male I found be really so terrible, that I am forbad to go near him? He seems so gentle and kind. Like one of our own. Except he has a hotness to him that I do not understand. There is a heat that comes from his body; he says has helped him live up here. Shielding himself in the cave. Protecting him from our storms, and coming out only to see me. How could someone so kind and generous be so evil? Forgive me. I shall go for what I have said, doubting Mina-sama.

  7th of August 1924

I still have not seen him. I have been questioning seeing him. After what Mina-sama warned me of, how can I go to and talk to him? But something in my heart, tells me. It is ok. Something in my heart tells me that I cannot judge by a group. Look at where I live? I am quite different from the others here. In my thoughts. The way I act. Although now that I am older, I have been able to conceal them better. Amazing, isn’t it? ~Hina

  26th of August 1924

Gomen. Another short entry. I told Ruri-chan of the male, but told her that it has only been a vision. She almost ran off to tell Mina-sama…demo… but I asked her not to. To keep it only a secret. She worried for my well being. She now worries. I don’t blame her, but I wish she would see, like I do. I’m going to see him tomorrow. Perhaps ask of his name. I can’t stay away from him. My heart beats for him. It’s an odd feeling. I do not understand it, nor do I know how to ask Mother. What if it is a forbidden feeling, like all else I do, think, or say? I awake thinking of him. His crimson red eyes. How thin. Almost evil, but … touching. More to his soul then I have ever seen. He stands about 129 centimeters. He really is adorable. And sexy. ~did I just say that??~ I read that from one of the books in our history. It seems that it is common in the Ningenkai. Even Ruri-chan has pointed off some Ningen in the old books that she has pointed to be sexy. Of course that is something we keep amongst ourselves. Her mind is more open to the other than the other Maidens. After hearing what Mina-sama has said, I do not blame them. But I still question. Time for me to depart. I will see him tomorrow.

  27th of August 1924

I just saw him, but only for a moment. Mother almost caught me. I had to tell him that I would not be able to see him again, for a while. He told me he would await my return patiently. He makes me feel so good. His name is Hiisamu-san. I hope by putting his name I don’t get into trouble with the Elders. Maybe I shouldn’t put his name? No I must… I shouldn’t let them stop me, should I? His name is Hiisamu-san. The one that has kept me from my chores, and nearly gotten me in trouble… Mother is coming, I must go now. Until next time.

  13th of February 1958

I have not seen this in ages!! Or rather, not so long. But long enough!! I haven’t seen Hiisamu-san since my last entry. It’s been that long. It could have been longer, I’m very happy that it has not. Or so far… I’m hoping to see him today. Mother has been keeping an extra eye on me. Ruri-chan has even grown up a bit. Not talking as much with me about the forbidden things, but alas. Mother comes again; I hope not to wait so long until next entry.

~Hina

  15th of February 1958

I was on my way to see him, but couldn’t. Ruri-chan stopped me, and we went off to help the maidens protect against another attack. I finally found out just a little more. The extra protection is to keep those in battle off of Koorime and using our home as safe grounds or worse, battle grounds. Time for ---

I have to go.

  26th of September 1979

I’m so excited!! I finally got to see Hiisamu-san today!! It was wonderful!! I never felt this happy before!! After everything that has been going on, it is so nice to see something and someone to brighten my day. He actually gave me a hug when we first met today. It startled me. His warmth was nearly too much. But somehow, and for some reason, I didn’t mind at the time!! Wow. Amazing. He held me for a long time, telling me things that somehow comforted me. Telling me that one day I would be happy. Promising to take me away!! Away from Koorime!! Although I didn’t want to leave the home I had grown up in, I also wanted to see what else was out there. Hiisamu-san is an excellent fighter. A high class Youkai!! I never questioned his battles, I didn’t want to know. I wanted to keep is “perfect image” in my mind, forever. I didn’t want to leave his arms. He told me to meet him as often as possible. And that as soon as possible, he would show me the way to his promise.

I agreed. I didn’t care how. Or when, I hoped for soon. But that was it. It was so wonderful!! Ruri-chan has been asking me why I have been smiling all day. I told her that I was happy with the ending battles. I was!! I mean, I am!! I didn’t lie, just merely kept some of the truth away.

  30th of October 1979

I really don’t know what to say. I’m nervous. Hiisamu-san has told me something today that frightened me. A way to make his promise. He told me of the way that some Youkai and even Ningen’s reproduce; telling me that through this way no one would be able to tear us apart. I don’t know what to say. The thought is against everything of my ancestry. Everything against my culture, my kind. The other Maidens would forbid such a thing, but could this ensure my freedom? And to do something with him that he says is cherished among many. It is a type of intercourse. He explained a lot of it to me today. Demo… I don’t know what to say!! I’m scared!! Is this normal?? I’m 188 years old… is this normal? I do not know. I’m so young. But then again, Mother said that coming up, she was hoping for me to reproduce. Or rather duplicate myself. By the ways of Hiisamu-san sounds so much… more… different. It is a mixture of two, to make one. Consuming feelings for one another. He told me of something called love, and described it to me. I love my family. But this type of love. Everything he described is what I thought of him. Is it possible for someone of my kind to love another? Especially for someone other than my kind? And a male? And there is no one to ask. I do not want to embarrass myself by asking Hiisamu-san. ~wow~ Demo... he did request I not use ‘san’ anymore. Saying it wasn’t how he thought. But I can’t help it. He has taught me so much. But after all that I feel for him…

  2nd of November 1979

Decision is made. If what I have for him is, this love that he speaks of. And the way he is, I want to make this special bond with him. I will decide today. I have got to hurry before Mother comes in.

~Wish Me Luck.

  18th of February of 1980

It has happened. I mated with a Youkai. I will not describe that here. At least not now. The Elders have found out that I am pregnant. Different. I will give birth soon. That day I gave him my love. Hiisamu-kun told me that when I get a chance to leave Koorime, and go with him. I told him that I would. Tonight if possible. I must prepare. If anything is to happen. My child. Please. If you read this. Be safe.

  22nd of February 1980

I cannot wr write right now. I I I can’t stop crying. I gave birtrrh birth today. Very hur painful. I had gave birth tooo twins. A girl and a boy. The girlll is nearly identical to me myself. They took my baby son away!! They took my baby him away in front of me!! I hate them!! I haven’t never felt such pain ever in my life!! I wasn’t able to leave with Hiisamu-sankun!! I couldn’t!! They found out about me, they can’t and wouldn’t let me go leave!! They watched as had my beba I gave birth, watched as I cryed cried. My tears chan turning to those stupid thin gems!! Ruri-chan trieded to comfort me, but it is was no use!! It IS no use!! I hate them!! They say my son is showing burning of dark black youki!! They CANNOT take him away!! Not away FROM ME!! My babie children!! If you ever read this!! Remember… don’t ever forget— protect yo each other… The Mina-sama is coming…

  24th of February 1980

Yesterday was a sad day. I don’t know how I am able to be so calm. I had no idea that Hina-chan was still keeping track of this. My beloved friend. I can’t believe after all of this time. She had been keeping this. Wow. I can’t believe she’s felt this way all this time. I figure that this can be used for her son. If he may ever be able to get a hold of this. I know he’ll live. Yesterday I had to send my best friends son off of our Island. I had to wrap him. Or rather, Mina-sama did. But while Hina-chan cried, I took two of her gems, making two necklaces. And put it around her daughter’s neck, secretly. As well as her son… or he grabbed it from me. Like he knew. I had to send him away. I prayed for his safety. I whispered to him to get his revenge, and that it was I that sent him off. Although I did not want to, I … I had to. I will not say more along that. Hina-chan has been by herself since. No one is allowed to go in. No one is allowed to go out. It saddens me to see my friend like this. I heard that there was a male Youkai found dead near our village. It is guessed he sacrificed himself. I’m not sure why. Or if this is the same man my beloved friend spoke of quite fondly in this journal. Or rather it is at all appropriate for me to have read this. I can’t let Mina-sama know about this. Hina-chan’s last private item. I have to keep. I have to cherish. I feel somewhat betraying my village, but after what they did to her and had me do—I cannot help it. I watched as Hina-chan broke down in tears. Fell to her knees, as I let her son fall through the depths of the fog to what the Elders wished to be his death. I pray for his life. To live on. To find his sister. Or his sister to find him. Mina-sama approaches.

  24th of April 1980

Hina-chan is no more, it saddens me to say. I pray for her soul, and her well being. I don’t know what else to say. I thought this must be known.

  Date Unknown

Now that I have lost track of all days… All track of time. Without Hina-chan’s way of knowing. It is sad without her. Yukina-chan has left the village. In search for her brother. She wants to see him, very badly. See whom holds the matching necklace, she wears all the time. The Koorime is nearly no more.

  Date Unknown

The forbidden child came today!! He lives. He lives strong. He now has to search for his sister. He spared my life after all that he has been through. The Koorime is nearly gone, as am I. His name is---

 

  **************************************************************

 

 

The book closed, revealing a beautiful, but old, snowflake on the cover. The binds of the journal nearly falling apart. A small hand traced over the snowflake. The smell around it filled the room. As if the writer of the journal still lived. Letting her presence be known. A pair of crimson red eyes stared down at the journal. Taking a deep breath in. Not knowing, for once, what to say. His black hair wisped in front of his large eyes. His hair flowed upward, around his head. Accented by a few white spiked hair over his brow. He looked up to see a blue-haired girl standing merely feet away from him. Her large green eyes met his. Her eyes were watery, but shed no tears. She wore a light aqua-colored traditional Kimono and looked back at the boy before her. The boy sat on the windowsill placing the journal in his lap, setting it on his black pants. A blue colored t-shirt held loosely over his form. His eyes were saddened, but he quickly returned his glare to the book at hand.

“Why did you give this to me?” he asked in a deep tone.

She looked at him and then sighed.

He set the book down and remained speechless, awaiting an answer.

“Hiei-san. I wanted you to read this. Kuwa-kun found it. He gave it to me, telling me it was important. After reading it…” she trailed off into her world.

“Yukina—but why me?” Hiei questioned. Almost as if she knew. Almost feared that she might have figured out that he was in fact her twin brother.

The one that she had been searching for so long. The thought sped around his mind.

“Because. I wanted to share it with someone. And if I had found my brother, by now, it would have been him. When I do find him, I will let him read this. Demo… Since the first day you rescued me, I have thought of you… I have thought that if I were to meet my brother that he would be like you. You’re how I imagine him to be. Because of this, I wanted you to read it,” Yukina said sighing deeply.

Hiei looked back down to the journal. Usually he would have replied with a ‘hn’ or ‘heh’ or even a ‘feh.’ But he said nothing. He stared blankly at the journal. The reasoning behind his being thrown aside. The way his mother died. Or at least a little into it. A little explanation. His father. His father hadn’t abandoned him. He probably killed himself, because of the events of his mother. How could someone take their own life for someone else’s? A while ago Hiei would have doubted such emotions could come from himself. But after Yukina came into his life, he began to feel such feelings. Such feelings he looked down upon, as a human weakness.

After meeting people like Kuwabara, Yuusuke, and even Botan. He started to have such human emotions rub off on him. He still didn’t know ‘what’ his father was. Or much about the Koorime, but at least he knew something. Something more than he did before.

“Thank you,” he said and left the journal on the table, walking away. Yukina smiled softly and picked up the book. She then set it down with Hiei’s belongings and left the room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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