Mood:  a-ok
Topic: How could i forget
DId i mention that lantha is getting marrried (in about 2 weeks or so (and i am terrible jealous)....

Almost a year later
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Some Tempo garbage
Topic: My how time flies
WOW,

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've been here....Let's give a rundown of what's been going down....

Relationship: Skywalker and I are still together. WE're at a point now tbat we both love each other. It's been about a year (short a day or two). I'm generally happy with him. We've travelled to Freeport to Feel the Rush and had a cool time. I also took him to Orlando and we went to Disney and Universal.

Junkanoo: I"ve switched to the valley and even rushed with them this past Boxing Day. That in itself was worth the drama and the money spent. Aaron rushed as well.

Work: Company recently merged and alot of work, plus a few new colleagues that took some getting used to, but finally there.

Family: Story in itself. Sometimes I go crazy becasue of the situation hre, but hey it's home.

As far now, this is it, tired of writing. But I promise to visit again soon.

Outty.

You can give, but you can't take
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Stars are Blind - Paris HIlton
My how i wish that i had kept writing. If that were the case, i wouldn't have to enter so much into this one ( and that's only if i feel it).

So good news, finally got a job - i won't go into what i had to go through for it to happen, but it happened....It's bank leu that hired me back.

sky - things are goin okay, i mean besides the lil ex girlfirend emailing me and thinking she can bother me (which happens from time to time) drama, things are cool. However one particular thing bothered me today, and that is what brings me to write today - otherwise i think i'd burst if i don't alleviate what's going on in my brian. I absolutely hate when he mentions anything that has to do with this girl, just her name raises my blood temperature....and he had the audacity to tell me that he does it on purpose sometimes - just so he can see my reaction...and had the nerve to say yes when i asked if i did it to him would he get mad!! THE NERVE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh

i think i let things slide too easily sometimes.....but whatever, we all have our limits...and i am very close to mine.

Rags - another story in itself...sends the milk tex erry now and den, but i just ignore em...HIs birthday is coming up...sometimes i still wish we could have made it happen.

I'll be back soon. whenever i feel the need to vent again......

Faster
Topic: Me to you
This is the thing.....

I am feeling this boy...wayyyyyy faster than i ever expected anything to happen. the other nite after work i decided to go and pay sky a visit. It was cool... iwas horny as hell though, but he didn't give me any - he was too tired from practice.

SO next best thing...we sat and cuddled. He sat in their chair and i sat across his lap. Just being there with him was amazing....him kissing my face, and pulling me closer to him in his arms...lol telling me that it is a big shock that i come there for some beggin...First time for everything." so the draining begins"...

Us talking...i KNOW its VERY FAST, n i don't wanna step up too fast, but i think i am falling for this man....

rags on the other hand - amazing to me that he knows i'm with sky, but he still thinks that my feelings for him are strong enuff to sleep with him(sounds like taking advantage to me)

Told kidd who sky is...wow, a reaction that was weird, but i'm glad i told him...i want us to always be friends...

Later on it all i guess...i want to c damian...want to be with him now...i was so disappointed when i couldn't c him last night...but hopefully, i'lll have him to myself soon...

Thinking deep
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: refuse to do the drama
hmmm,

Some pertinent info came my way from sky. Apparently, this ex is a jungless and is all into the drama scene - i ain fa dat - come na i tryin to be serious bout life and trying to get my shit together. don't want it to come to a point that i have to fuckin kill somebody, not for him mind you, but for fucking with the wrong person...Told him and i mean it to heaven, that i'll walk away from him (and dn't luk back) before i have to put myself in any trouble....

Tomorrow is another day - tomorrow is practice - i'll c how things go....and get back to you on everything. but for now my mind has ALOT on it...

Mental stimulation
well this morning has had its ups and downs. SOmewhere between relishing in the best sex i've ever had, and trying to prevent a nuclear disaster in my family has been keeping my mind occupied.

Last nite was my first time with sky...AMAZING. the man knows how to throw down, i mean come on, he had me begging for it - the shit is good. He told me that rob called him last nite and asked if we slept together, WTF, no WHAT THE FUCK - is it so important to kno if i slept with MY man that you call him on your way home from the club to find out. why are you all in my grill....that put him on a different level in my head, i hate that shit.

As far as the disaster at home. I hope it doesn't end up happening. "dad" needs to realize that if he doesn't stop paying with siar g (SG) that things are gonna escalate and get to a point of no repair...and i'm on SG's side. Hell over high water...whatever i have to do.

Ummmm Bank sent a letter asking for their money. Pretty sad. i gotta get up on that. i feel that i'm outgrowing all of this.....ahhhhhhh. got the pressure now....

Dj got to me...i can't let that happen again...

SOme people pursue happiness, others create it.

THis statement has meant so much to me in the past few days that it amazes me. I've realized that i need to create mine...and that is what i've been doing.

As i sit back and see how happy sky has made me, or how happy i am just being around him, it makes me think. Maybe this is gonna go somewhere. LAst night we had our first real serous convo...Basically that he does not intend to go thorugh what he has been through before...neither do I.

He seems to be such a wonderful person, i don't want to mess this up over DJ...cuz he did me way wrong, why the fuck can't women just move on from men that are hurting them...i refuse to be apart of that cycle any longer......

It is still amazing to me that hi had the heart to offer sex even though he told me not to let him hinder me...and i almost fell for it...thank you nature...

I guess next time...maybe rite after this IM convo is done...

WOW
Topic: To be Memorialised
What's funny!

Here are some phrases and so forth that will be remembered here and finally erased from my everyday life. I've been forced to move on after some of them, and others always kept me goin back to him for more. I can thank him for helping me to grow into a more well rounded person and having more strength than usual.

Here we go:

Cack any1 - lol this was amazing to me. Became our signature come on line.

Period Pose to be on - hmmm tracking

TOld him Happy bday , u happy now - trying to please me?

U gat rubbers? - nuff said

Been Juicin eh - Jealous?

Gettin greedy - first step back

Still Wet - your way of dirty talk?

I ga pass but u gata walk by super value - step back # 2

DOn't let me hinder you - the final step back...Cudn't believe that was said to me...

There are lots of others, but as i remember them, i'll post em...for now, i'm enjoying my other "d"..lol..so i guess time will tell how life (and death, lol i crack myself up) will be.

Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Status
No longer single...

Still amazing to me. No longer on the ragz thread...Different Page...Funny thing, Valleyboy - weird ain't it? LOL, I'll be back to go through the whole thing later.

This is fucking with my head!
Mood:  hug me
Topic: I want more
So having only sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. I thought that i ould have sex and not catch feelings for this man. How wrong i was! I want him, the way i wanted him before....

i'm on the verge of wanting him to need me. Sad thing is i don't see that happening anytime soon, if ever. All my good friends say that i need to have a "we need to talk" conversations with him...tell him how i feel. It's hard, cuz either way i'm fucked. Either no more sex, and it becomes weird, or Dating the friend of rug....lol....my life is dramatic.

As far as the shack is concerned, i am so ova it. SO over the who switch, to who staying, and all the theatrics.....I'm just doing me....everyone else is loving themselves...I'll do the same.....

I have to think hard on this, i don't want to lose a good friend