As he sat in his seat, staring out the window, he couldn’t help but think of all the memories he had of his family. It wasn’t like this was the only time of year he ever thought about all of his loved ones back home. He just didn’t seem to have a whole lot of time to himself lately. He didn’t like to look pathetic in front of the guys, but when he was alone, well, that was just something different entirely.

He thought about them all the time. He just refused to let it show. The guys could tell he was wearing thin. They just had no idea how thin he really was lately. He was on edge, and he knew the smallest thing would send him over that edge. He knew he had to keep his distance from the rest of them or else he’d end up blowing his top. He needed to cool off, but this time it just wasn’t that easy.

Most of the time this feeling passed within a few days. He would just get upset about something and wouldn’t be able to shake it for a week. This time it was just different. No matter what he did to make himself feel better about everything, it was still there. That pain was just still there.

He slouched down in his seat a bit more. He sighed as he rested his curly head on the back of the chair. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get any rest on the flight back home. For some odd reason, he just couldn’t stop worrying about everything. Things weren’t improving for him. They were just getting worse.

He glanced a few seats up from him and watched his friend sleep. He envied the man’s talent for sleeping any time he wanted to. There were only three of them on the flight. The other two had taken flights for the morning to different places. He sighed and turned his attention back to the window. He just wished he could get back to his house already. Maybe being in his own home would bring him some sort of comfort.

But then again, it probably wouldn’t.

She wasn’t going to be there waiting for him this time. Was that it? Was she the reason he was so uptight lately? That could be it. He hadn’t seen her in so long, and he missed her so much. She always made him feel safe, loved, and so much better. He rubbed his eyes with his hands and frowned. She wasn’t going to be there for him this time.

He could deal with that, right? He was a grown man, after all. He could deal with being on his own. He had been for the whole tour, hadn’t he? True, the guys were always there with him, but they weren’t with him. They were his friends, but he knew just as well as they did that he wasn’t open with them. Being open with people just wasn’t his thing. He was only open with her. She was the one he loved more than any other person in his life. The guys could never fill that void in his heart when she wasn’t around.

And that was just it; she wasn’t around anymore. He was so tired of living off on his own. He wanted to be with her again, to have her baby him, to have her love him. She still loved him, didn’t she? Of course, she had to still love him. He couldn’t ever be replaced in her heart and he knew that. It was just how paranoid he got after being away from her for so long. He just needed to see her again.

He wouldn’t talk about it with the other guys, anyway. He knew he was being pathetic. He knew he was being childish. He just didn’t care. He missed her so much. He felt so sick. He was just tired, and he knew that, but he just hated how everything tired him out so much lately. He wasn’t so strong anymore. He was weak, and he needed to be taken care of. He needed to be taken care of. At that moment in time, if he could give it all up just to go back to how things used to be, he would have done it.

Now, he loved his job. He loved performing and music. He was in love with the studio. He just loved her more. He would have given it up if she really wanted him to. But that wasn’t really the point. He didn’t know why he was being like this. He was going home now. He would see her some time over his vacation. This was just the first time that she wasn’t going to be there for him. It just wasn’t the same anymore.

He let out a long sigh before he tuned out the rest of the world. He would get some sleep if it killed him. He closed his eyes, found a somewhat comfortable position, and didn’t open them till they landed.

The others stayed out of his way. They said their friendly “see ya later” and went their separate ways. Justin had just nodded his head, grabbed his bags, and headed towards his exit. It wasn’t like they were being mean, they just all needed to go home. Touring was fun, but it was long and a lot of hard work. When it was over, just about everyone was happy about it . . . even if you couldn’t tell by looking at them. They were just tired, that was all.

He didn’t care what it was anymore. He was home now. He hopped into the backseat of the car that was waiting to take him home. His car was still in his own garage, so he had arranged for a ride. He waved to his friend who had driven him at such a late hour before running up to his house. Punching in his codes and unlocking his door, he opened the door.

He placed his bags down in the small entrance and let out a sigh. He was finally there. He was finally at the one place he wanted to be at so badly since he had left it. He took a moment to take in his welcoming surroundings before he realized there was a dim light from a room down the hall. With an irritated look on his face, he went to turn it off. He wondered how long it had been on. He hoped that it hadn’t been on the whole tour, maybe just from his Dad’s trip to fill up his fridge the week before.

But that’s when it happened. He opened the door, and there she was. She was sitting in a chair on his living room couch, reading a book. She looked up at him and smiled. Her blonde hair was shining in the light, and he couldn’t remember being more happy to see her.

“Hey Justin,” she smiled warmly as she got up to hug him, “Welcome home, sweetie.”

Tears formed at the corners of his eyes. He took her by surprise by quickly closing the space between them as he wrapped his strong arms around her. He missed her so much that his entire body was aching from pain. The fact that she wasn’t going to be there hadn’t bothered him until recently. He wanted her there. He needed her there. And now, she really was there.

”Justin?” she rubbed her hands up and down his back comfortingly, “What’s wrong?”

He hadn’t really spoken to anyone in 3 days. Not even one word. He wanted to talk now. He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to say how he didn’t want to sing anymore, he didn’t want to leave her again, and that he just wanted to stay home. He never wanted to leave. He wanted to hear her comforting words as she reassured him that she’d always be there when he got back. But he had been so afraid this time. This time she almost didn’t make it. She had planned on not being there, anyway. He had been so scared. She was supposed to always be there for him. What if she wasn’t going to be there next time?

“Justin,” her voice was soaked with concern and worry, “please tell me.”

He wanted to so badly, but he just couldn’t. He broke down in her arms. He started to cry as she rocked him slowly. Her worry was only doubled as his body started to shake with sobs. His knees got weak and he slowly sat down, bringing her down with him. He held her in his arms, as she had her arms around his neck. She knew he couldn’t talk now. He was home now, and that was what he needed. This tour had just gone too long. She should have known that, she had known that, but she didn’t say anything. She wouldn’t let it happen again, that was for sure.

“Justin,” she cooed gently as he started to calm down, “please tell me.”

He hadn’t cried in years, and he felt so relieved by it. It was like he had just released part of his soul that had been fighting to be let out for so long. As she wiped his tears away with her thumb, he smiled at her. He didn’t have to tell her anything, and she didn’t have to say anything. She had just filled up the hole that had been growing in his heart for what seemed like the moment that he had left her. It was all okay now. Everything was back in place, back to normal. Her kind eyes smiled back at him and she knew he was okay.

“It’s nothing,” he smiled as he reached up to take her hand away from his face and hold it in his hand, “I just missed you, Mom.”