Absence
It's over now...why try? My efforts fall to the ground.
Un-noticed, faultered, crushed.
My hopes, my dreams, my ambitions shattered.
My heart, once beating bold with heavy bass,
Has slowed its pace to a whimpering murmur.
Some say I'm insane, they doubt my claim.
They evaluated my life and say
I have everything I could have ever asked for.
My response to them...
DO I REALLY!?
I think about the void seldom filled.
Forever empty this facet of my life shall remain.
The burden of these feelings
Are growing too heavy for my shoulders to bare.
Will I ever deduce this enigma?
Can I fill the chasm in my soul?
Anger, depression, fear, distain, nervousness, ultimately defeat.
All this in the absence of a good woman.


Pain
Love
I used to believe that it was possible
An accomplishement of a lifetime
Some believe this is the sole purpose for our existence
I sought after my beliefs with all that I was
I chased after a dream with all I had
In the end I realize I gave up everything
My emotions spent on a purchase I couldn't afford
The last thing I ever wanted was for her to get hurt too
The curse of being short tempered
I can't take back any of the things I said
I can't apologize for acting the way that I did
Words you wish you could take back
They torture you inside
And your mind plays tricks on you when you're heartbroken
It's too late now she's gone, nothing I can say to bring her back
I have so many questions but it's too late to ask
I can't believe in it anymore
An adventure I won't ever see to the end
Next time fate deals me this hand, I'm folding early
Funny these four letter words are all the same
You read Love, all i see is
Pain


That's It
That's it...
All packed up, I'm finally leaving
I can't believe it, today seemed so far away
I can't even remember what made me decide to leave
But there isn't any turning back now
My whole life has been leading up to this moment
Everything I've known
Everyone I've loved
It's all going to change as soon as I step through that door
And even though I'm leaving so many people behind
Your are the only one I can think of that matters
Leaving you behind is what is going to hurt the most
I must admit I've never known a pain like this before
You're still so close
But the thought of being so far away...
I can't imagine a life without you in it
I guess I don't have a choice now
Do I?
I can't believe what I'm saying
I made this decision didn't I?
I knew what it would mean, I knew what time would bring
Well I guess there isn't much left to say is there
That's it...


My Hope
In a place where dreams manifest into existence
Where expectation lives in the present
I found her
From that day forward I knew this would last forever
Everything about her was so appealing
Her eyes, Her smile
Her scent, Her touch
Her walk and those lips...
What I wouldn't give for one more kiss
Those famous words "Till death do us part"
They still ring in my head
Like the sound of wedding bells in the distance
Those beautiful eyes are shut
Their radiant green shimmer
I won't ever see them in the soft moon light again
Hope was alive, Hope was a person
And now Hope, My Hope
Is dead


My Tears
I lay down in my bed
Reflecting on a bad day gone past
How many of these have I had lately?
Too many
frespect is a feeling I've never known
My life just seems so full
Of all the wrong things
To be honest I wish it were empty
I wish that I could turn my life over
Like a bucket of tears
And empty every single one out
Trust me
If you held tears in buckets I would have plenty
Tonight is no exception they've started already
Running down my eyes these rivers of liquid depression
I can always count on life to hand me a raw deal
I guess this is all I can look forward to
Late night pity parties, filling these containers
No. That would be like giving up
Instead I'll look forward to the day the tears stop
The day I can empty my bucket of tears

My Dream
We were perfect for each other
A picture painted in gold
Covered with a crystal frame
I could feel your heart beat
It was almost like it was mine
We decide to make it official
walking hand in hand, It felt so beautiful
That was some time ago
It's a shame you know
Things aren't the same now
You haven't got the time
I haven't got the patience
To wait...
It's killing me inside
Time becomes torture
Love becomes hate
My dream becomes a nightmare
And now
I can't see myself loving you anymore


He Say She Say
He Says...
It's been three years
You mean to tell me I wasted all this time?
After all we've been through
After everything I gave up
Just to be with you
You ungrateful bitch
How could you do this to me?
I've never done anything to hurt you
I didn't ever compromise your feelings
I guess I was wrong about you
Well, don't you have anything to say?

She Says...
You're right, it's been three years
I had been unfaithful all that time
After what you did, how do you have the nerve to judge?
I fund out about her
You didn't give up anything just to be with me
Ungrateful bitch huh?
Now you know how it feels
Surprised? You should be
One more thing
You were wrong about me
It's over.


My Heart
You don't know what it's like do you?
What it's like not to know how
What would you do if you realized
You couldn't love another person
You didn't know how to return the feeling inside
I didn't ask to be like this
I never choose to be this way
I don't even know if I can do anything about it
These things don't come with a receipt
I can't trade it in for a new one
I would give anything to know
If only for a day to know what it's like
To have heart
To feel love for someone
More importantly
I would trade my life
To know what it's like
To be loved


My Fear
We met not too long ago
From the lookin her eye
I could tell she wanted me
You never mistake a look like that
Still I couldn't help but feel it inside
No matter how hard I tried
I just couldn't help it
I felt it whenever she looked at me
When I thought about her eyes
Those beautiful green eyes
Staring a hole straight into my soul
I remember the way my heart raced
Thum Thump Thump
It was about to hapen
She grew closer...closer
We were face to face now
Again I felt it inside
Thump Thump Thump
Her lips so full, grew close
Inside I'm going crazy
We kiss and suddenly
It's over
The calm after the storm
My fear subsides
Now all that's left in it's place
Is anticipation


My Pain
Today makes a whole year
One whole year since you've been gone
Before I met you I had no clue
What those four letter meant
When you left I learned quick
It's like laying naked on a bed of nails
Or even walking alone through an inferno
If you were here I would ask on question
Why did you have to leave?
To this day I don't know
It's killing me and I'll never get to ask
What made you walk out of my life?
I'd die a thousand times
Never to know what this feels like again
As I walk alone in the dark
In the cold autum rain
I finally found the words
To describe my pain


Reality VS Fantasy
Consciousness versus a dream
To most it would seem a no-brainer
Eternal slumber
The thought is delicious
Free from decisions and choices
Led only by the sub-conscious mind
From one fantasy to the next
Endless, Beautiful, Freedom
Freedom...
Bound to your surroundings
Not able to taste
Impossible to ever touch again
Trapped in a never ending dream
Time is running short
Forced to decide
My choice is simple
Balance is the key
Were it you in my position
What would it be?
Would you choose a dream?
Or reality over fantasy


My Life
Once again I stand
Still in this room
So familiar to me
Confined to these four walls
They close in on me more each moment
Struggling to find my release
Time and again I fail
I'm almost out of time
And somehow I don't seem to care at all
I am forced in here so frequently
Yet I hesitate to call this place my home
Deep inside I am still searching
Probing for another way out
Peering through my emotional prison
Looking for what I fail to find
This time there is no way out
I sit and prepare for tomorrow
Forever my escape eludes me


Victim
We just met and already
I'm contemplating to kiss you
You haven't been around long
But when you leave believe
When I say I'm gonna miss you
Soft brown hair, skin like vanilla
You got my heart racing
My thoughts running wild
All this is new to me
Feeling like this ain't never been my style
When I look into those eyes
You do something to me
Looking at those lips
Hope you wanna do something to me
When we get close
My knees get so weak
I could pass for a cripple
Those thighs got me thinking
Damn this shorty's official
All this I'm saying with no expectation
I'm just a victim of inspiration
My anticipation


To Sleeping Beauty
Sleeping Beauty
Eyes like the running river bed
My desire for you knows no boundaries
Images of your petite frame
Dance through my mind
Like a private ballet
Tempered by the soft evening glow
What I wouldn't give to have you near
To caress your tender lips
To feel your gentle breath against my chest
In an unfair world, you've become my justice
It's sad
You may never know how I feel
In your sleep you'll never hear them
The confessions of my longing heart