--Memories-- I remember..... Do I ever... I remember Me, forget? Never. Yes, I remember. The day you came back from Florida How the first thing you did was call I thought it was so sweet We'd always had a ball Just you and me I remeber you singing to me Before you left for that trip And telling me you made cookies So we wouldn't break down and cry The day we decided to end it I still don't know why We said goodbye It was so, so long ago. Actually, it's funny... In only a week That's what it'll have been A year, a whole year since then I tried to get you back Oh god, I really did. I'd have done anything Just to taste your kiss Things have changed and so have we I called you every now and then... To see if you were still around I worried about you Thought of you Shit, in case you haven't noticed I still love you

--Hmph-- Today's our aniversary And I missed you by an hour Didn't know you'd be on so early Which makes things kind of sour I'm pretty well annoyed Don't know where you took off to Somewhere important obviously And that had better be true I guess you're out with family Or shopping at the mall I wonder if you miss me Or ever care at all Because today's our aniversary And I tried to catch you here But guess it's just not happening Mayhaps tonight, my dear

--Pain...-- I'm second best to nothing To someone I don't even know Apparently a dream you had Where I wasn't the one you'd hold So now I'm second best to someone A stranger without a face Guess it's kind of funny But it's not when tears are falling down your face I feel betrayed I feel lost Even though it was just a dream I don't know why it hurts Or why I'm crying now I know that you're here somewhere Hiding from my messages, too It's really pretty funny But right now it's like a knife I don't know what to say to you I mean, hell, I thought you were my wife Dreams about someone else I hope they won't come true Because the longer I sit here and stare at the screen The more I feel I'm losing you So come back soon, my darling dear I need to know if you're still mine Until then I'll sit here Crying, and wonder why I'm second best to someone That I don't even know So now I'm off to cry, a lot I hope you meant well, dear I'll try and call you for what it's worth But you might not find me here.

--Ranting-- It's all I can do Not to start screaming at you It's all I can do to sit here and stare At this flat screened monitor like I don't even care I understand that you have a life But I've been here most of the night Waiting for you on our aniversary But you've been gone since this morning Guess it wasn't to be Thought you remembered You may have forgot That would hurt even more But I'll force it to not I guess you're happy Doing whatever it is you are now Hope to see you tomorrow A day late, but oh well I don't know why I'm still here I don't think you'll be on I wish that you were So I could talk to you Because right now I need a shoulder to cry on And it's usually you that this girl turns to But you're not here right now There's nothing I can do To stop these tears from falling now I guess it's funny Whispering your name out loud Like a reanimation That would bring you to me I wish it would work So in my arms you'd be Instead of wherever you spent this fine day I know it's selfish But give me some credit okay? It doesn't take that long to say you'll be gone Could have saved me that wait I would be long gone Don't think that it matters As I can very well see So I'll wait and I'll write Try to vent these emotions The crying and sobbing Of your name, silently spoken so, I'll sit and I'll stare At this background of mine As the minutes tick by Wishing I could just die

--Suffering-- Here somewhere online How do I know this? I know how to add three To whatever time you have I'm sorry that you hid from me Or maybe from everyone else It doesn't make me feel much better It just hurts like fuckin' hell I wish that you would tell me Whatever the truth might be If you love me, please just spare me If it's in her arms you'd rather be I can understand the feeling Because let's face it, we're miles apart But I've never fallen for someone else And right now it's breaking my heart To know that you have or that I'm not good enough I wish that I could get a hold of you That I could make you see That I love you more with every day But I guess you don't love me If you do, please tell me And tell me soon Because I'm starting to lose hope I feel the tears and the knot in my throat And I know crying won't help I'm talking to my soul-sib Maybe she will understand Maybe she can help me Figure out what broke the bond I knew you were getting distant But I thought things were all right I guess that I was wrong I'll cry myself to sleep tonight I hope that you'er happy If you choose to be with her I hope you remember the times we shared And hear my sobs once more I hope you know what you've done to me Even with a foolish dream I thought we had it all But it wasn't to be, it seems... So now I'm crying and it's your fault But I don't blame you, no, my dear Nor whoever you're falling for You've made that pretty clear... How am I supposed to leave If I can't even move...? So just get out Don't talk to me today I think you've done enough damage I'm crying But that's okay

--She Came Back-- She came back....She came back. And I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I can't control these feelings Or what her memory is to me I know that things have changed And will never be the same But I can't help but wonder What might have been or what would be But I have Rebecca and she loves me As I love her Can't throw that away Never in a thousand years A million lifetimes Worked so hard... But it's all crashing down Crashing down around me With these memories surrounding me Never knew she was a mommy I never knew I never guessed My Vayel had been put through such a test I still remember all the little things I can't forget no matter how I try And now, if I could I'd take it all back Saying hello And never having to say goodbye So Van came back And here I am shell shocked Like a war vetran With a piece of shrapnel through the heart It's all crashing down It's all crashing down around me And I can't pick these pieces up It's been so damn long So damn long And I just don't understand What makes it so hard To talk to her again It's all crashing down It's all crashing down... Down... Down.

--These Days-- Are nothing special At least not to me Everyone else has someone to hold Someone to be with But you're 3,000 miles away on this day As you have been for all the others Wish that you were here But the odds of that are slim So this day is Christmas And the one thing I wanted I didn't get The tears have started falling The memories let loose My prison has been opened And still I can't hold you That's all I want this year But instead I will be left to imagine How it might feel to hold you Safe inside my arms On this Christmas day

-Randomness- Love... A fragile piece of one's soul Given to another In a gesture of hope We like to think our soul belongs to no-one But ourselves But you give yourself away A little bit at a time Whenever the words 'I love you' Are spoke like sweetest wine I hand myself to you now Nothing left of pride You are me, I am you Let's both enjoy the ride You gave me every part of you As I gave myself in return To love and to adore Right down to the very core I'll be yours forever And you'll be mine, my dear I like things this way Have not a single fear...

--Considering Goodbye- I have never choked back tears Fought back rage Or felt so completely worthless Until you did these things to me Yes you heard me I said worthless Do I mean anything to you? Wish that I could grab you By that school logo embossed blazer And shove you against a locker Pressing my lips to yours With such a fierce passion it might scare you Would you know it then? How much you tear me up inside How every little thing you forget How much being ignored Rips me apart inside You might say to hell with you And that these words are false Who am I to suggest such a thing Tell me who I am to you Just a girl A love intrest A passing fancy An idle speculation Of a future Far off like the stars Am I just a thought That dances on the outskirts of your mind A name that crosses your lips Only when forced I never thought this day would come I never thought I'd see myself Considering these things... If I'm strong enough to say goodbye I don't want to say it I don't want to... But...If things keep up like this... I may have to... Sacrifice it all And I hope...Against hope.. That you forgive me If my choice is in the wrong

I regret ever writing both of these. I LOVE YOU BABY!!/p>

--The Cost of Goodbye- What is the cost of goodbye A month of sleepless nights Your voice forever echoing in my dreams Staring at these pictures While the pain wraps around me like a fog Is the cost of goodbye hearing you sobbing my name Or more of your rage-filled words Is the cost of goodbye Worth more than what it cost to say hello After all those months of hatred between us It wasn't always perfect you know I despised you You wanted me dead Took everything I had to email you That December day To see how things were going And what I had missed since August in your life Never thought we'd start this thing again Of you and I in love Thought that it was over But you asked again Told me I held your heart in my hands You still loved me after all that time Who was I to deny what I had felt They say you don't know what you've got till it's gone So we started building back The love we thought we'd lost Months went by You sent me roses, we celebrated your birthday Although 3,000 miles apart Made it through March With little a fight April everything came crashing down 6 days before my birthday Because it was into another's arms I'd strode A boy at that The ultimate in betrayal He gave me what you hadn't Love Someone to listen Someone to care Just like now You stopped caring And it cost you me for 10 awful days I wonder if you regretted them April 9th I turned 17 Words still bitter between you and I I learned the meaning of 'It's my party and I'll cry if I want to' Because dear, you made me Sobbed like no tomorrow From your harsh words On that day of all 4 days later Driven to the brink of my sanity I called you and listened to you cry About a girl you loved But she didn't feel the same Didn't return the love you felt for her And oh, did it hurt I was fooling myself Thinking I didn't love you any more Told you how I felt at the end of our conversation Came back to my house That evening and as the sun had set I begged you to forgive The wrongs that I had done And we were together yet again August after I told you of my Therianthropy We had a fight and I thought that was that This was goodbye No turning back But that next morning As I went through my email Ready to delete all traces of you and me You got online Heard that familiar sound You spoke only my name And reached to caress my face Asked like I had so long ago Just to forgive I forgave without a second thought And things have been placid since then... until now When I wonder if you know I exist or not What is the cost If I say goodbye If I leave I didn't think it would come to this I feel so alone...Confused How am I supposed to leave If I can't even move? What is the cost of my goodbye Phone bills and letters A chistmas gift remaining unsent We're so close to a year together I can't throw it all away I want more than ever To be Catherine Rodriguez-Wright Like you asked me to become With this ring upon my hand I don't think I want to look at it Just leave me alone I won't call you... I've got to sort this out You might as well have punched me Knocked the wind out of me Now I don't even know who I am I'm not sure I can go on like this The price of goodbye is the salt of my tears I know the price of goodbye Is looking back And seeing what might have been The price of goodbye is the loss of the dreams The memories that burn like fire The scars that just don't fade The cost of goodbye Is more than what I am willing to pay So I stay I can't just go Not after we've made it this far I can't bring myself to say the words Not after everything we've been through I can't picture me without you

-Apology- Beautiful one... You know as well as I That the way that I've been hurt Gives way to doubt and fear That consumes this girl sometimes Can't see past it to the truth Almost ended what we share Didn't mean to worry you I know you're always there I finally got a hold of you Actually woke you up Had a decent conversation Full of all that sappy stuff You told your mom's friend Of our romantic coupling And she thinks I'm nice I guess You then laughed and made a comment about the size of my...ANYWAY.... It was in Dutch So I laughed at that Because you mainly speak Spanish With this sexy accent That tends to make me drool... What I'm trying to say sweet love of mine Is I love you I'm sorry Forgive me I know I'm a total fool I know you'd never hurt me Know it with all my heart And I have loved you unconditonally Right from the very start

-Nicolette- Crimson hair and emerald eyes... The one whose looks had me hypnotized.. Lost you on the day January 9th, 2000 came... I could have gone ahead of you Crossed the street, met my end too But I stayed back across that street And watched as that car your bike did meet Drunken driver, such a crash Heard the sound of raining glass Head your body fall to the tar Wouldn't have noticed I was somewhere far away in a corner of my mind They tried talking to me But I stood there in a daze for the time I couldn't bear to look at your bleeding, broken corpse The ambulance arrived and fate then took its course I stood there like a statue when they pronounced you dead I couldn't believe if it I wanted to You were my light, my angel No truer words were even spoken And it took a long time for this heart to be unbroken It's been 4 years since you've been gone I still think of you, and with a smile I always will, my darling dear I know in my heart you're always near