My Angst Songs

Well, this is the angsty stuff. Dark, depressing, doom songs. Hope you like them.

In case you're wondering, don't steal them. They're mine, write your own songs!!

‘Meaningless’ -- Kat Oliver January 07, 2002

Everything is slipping through my fingers
Can’t call it back no matter how loud I scream
It’s slipping, falling, breaking and binding
Shattering and crying I feel like dying
Memories are fading, erasing
Behaving like I belong in a padded cell
Say this and say that
You break me and you own me
Chain me and control me
And no matter how hard I try
I can’t break your hold on me

Pick up the pieces of what I left behind
Blame you for my wrongs
And blame you for my rights
Nothing is equal and nothing is fair
You say we’re equal but equal doesn’t mean shit
You hear me equal doesn’t mean shit
Doesn’t mean a fuckin’ thing
Doesn’t mean a thing

I think I’m crazy these voices can’t save me
Your fault I’m bleeding
Your fault I’m seething
Anger and hatred
Pain and sacrifice
Not that you’d care if I died tonight

Equal doesn’t mean a fuckin’ thing
Not a fuckin’ thing
All you do is lie to me
All you do is chain me up
I hate you, I hate you; I fucking hate you
It doesn’t mean a thing that I love you more than I can say
it never meant a thing

Pick up the pieces of what I left behind
Blame you for my wrongs
And blame you for my rights
Nothing is equal and nothing is fair
You say we’re equal but equal doesn’t mean shit
You hear me equal doesn’t mean shit
Doesn’t mean a fuckin’ thing
Doesn’t mean a thing

‘Puppetmaster’ (Alone) -- Kat Oliver (Date Unknown)

Anger
Hate
Fear
Trapped
Alone

Don’t touch me
Don’t fuckin’ touch me
Don’t even come near me
I don’t want you here and I never did
You don’t control me any longer
Imagine what alone really is

Anger
Hate
Fear
Trapped
Alone

Crimson death can part us not
My existance is only what you make it
Pull the strings and ring the bells
Inside the center ring
At this pain filled phsycotic circus hell

Anger
Hate
Fear
Trapped
Alone
Don’t touch me
Don’t fucking touch me
I don’t love you any more
Don’t touch me

Anger
Hate
Fear
Trapped
Alone
I always was alone

‘Averaging the Pain’ -- Kat Oliver

Everything is falling apart
All I’m doing is waiting for my demise
Downfall is guaranteed
Is what I feel reality
Or is it all inside my mind

Waiting and crying
Raggedly breathing
Waiting to awake from this nightmare
Averaging the pain
Everything was always fine
Mistakes become fatal in time

Everything is different
Changing constantly
Close your eyes and you’ll be lost
In something you can’t get out of
No matter which way you turn
Darkness in front of you
And pain is all that is behind

Waiting and crying
Raggedly breathing
Waiting to awake from this nightmare
Averaging the pain
Everything was always fine
Mistakes become fatal in time

I wait for it to stop
But it never does
Never ending never ceasing
Hatred dominating my feelings

Waiting and crying
Raggedly breathing
Waiting to awake from this nightmare
Averaging the pain
Everything was always fine
Mistakes become fatal in time
I’m waiting for the pain to stop
Why doesn’t it stop
When will it stop
it never fuckin’ stops

‘Can’t Talk Right Now’ -- Kat Oliver

I can't talk right now
Nothing wrong with my voice
Can't talk
Silence is a virtue
But this is ridiculous
I can't talk right now
Not busy
Just have people running my life
Even though it is my own by right

Sorry I can't talk right now
Love you too
I know you're sick of hearing it
Or at least you hope I know you're sick of it
Can't talk right now and don't know when I can
They run my life
Inside out and upside down
Don't really care
I wish I could stand them down
Can't talk right now...

Those four words just equal annoyance
Nothing more than annoyance
Man, I hate that.
I hate getting annoyed even though I shouldn't.
It's an automatic reaction
All I used to hear from her is, 'Sorry, I can't talk right now.'
And now to hear it again
Rekindles all that old anger
And I don't mean to take it out on you

Sorry I can't talk right now
Love you too
I know you're sick of hearing it
Or at least you hope I know you're sick of it
Can't talk right now and don't know when I can
They run my life
Inside out and upside down
Don't really care
I wish I could stand them down
Can't talk right now...
Maybe tomorrow you'll have more luck
But can't talk right now...
Sorry about this, I just can't talk right now.

‘Cutting’ -- Kat Oliver

I can feel the edge of the blade
The hilt clasped in my palm
Garnet spheres on pale skin
Bring me to my only release
There is no way out
No matter how many scars I create

Why go beyond the pain
Why see past my suffering
I can feel the knife
But why go beyond the pain
There is nothing beyond the pain

Thought I had something
Left me broken
Lost that love and lost my soul
A pain I never thought I’d know
And now all the pain I inflict on myself
Isn’t enough to block out
The dreams or the memories
Of what used to be

Why go beyond the pain
Why see through the red mist of hate
I can feel the raw sting of wounds I carve in flesh
But why go beyond the pain
There is nothing beyond the pain

Can’t see through the suffering
Nothing left that’s honest
I learn to deal with my suffering
With the cold stainless steel knife
Masochistic habit
Self mutilated freak
Doesn’t matter for one whose future
Is lost and fucking bleak

Why go beyond the pain
Why see through the red mist of hate
I can feel the raw pain of the lacerations I carve in flesh
But why go beyond the pain
There is nothing beyond the pain

Why go beyond the pain
Why see through the red mist of hate
I can feel the raw sting of wounds I carve in flesh
But why go beyond the pain
There is nothing beyond the pain

I can feel the blood spilling down my wrist
And my awareness slipping away
But why go beyond the pain
Finally
Freedom waits for me
Beyond the pain
I cannot feel beyond the pain
I can’t see beyond the pain
Nothing left but pain
Why go beyond the pain
Why go beyond the pain

‘Darkness’ -- Kat Oliver

Darkness closing in
I have nowhere left to go
Pain is all that surrounds me
I hurt everyone I know
Will they be sorry for what I’ve done

Darkness hold me
As my maker bade me
Darkness answer me
Shadow lover I know you well
Will you welcome me
To the rusted gates of Hell

Hatred all I feel
For friends and foes alike
Nightmares haunt my sleep
Memories dominate my dreams
Of a happier time
And things that can never be
I lost everything I had
Illusions made me give it up
Thought it would be better
Turns out I was wrong
Like so many other things
It all comes down to me
Why can’t anyone understand
All I really want to do...is be free?
Of all this pain and all these lies
I’d rather die

Darkness hold me
As my maker bade me
Darkness answer me
Shadow lover I know you well
Will you welcome me
To the rusted gates of Hell

Pain and suffering
Rage and hatred
Emotions berated
Shallow and unfeeling


Darkness hold me
As my maker bade me
Darkness answer me
Shadow lover I know you well
Will you welcome me
To the rusted gates of Hell

Darkness hold me
As my maker bade me
Darkness answer me

Darkness hold me
As my maker bade me
Darkness answer me...

‘Hate’ -- Kat Oliver

Everythin’ I do doesn’t matter
Everything I said doesn’t matter
You never listened to me anyway
All this pain and all the suffering
If’s never gonna go away

It all comes down to how much you hate
Why go beyond the pain
Why break this neverending silence
Why try to reason beyond this fucked up mental violence
I can feel the hatred
But it doesn’t numb the pain
Death and hatred anger

That’s what brought it all down
Nothing ever was the same again
Now there’s nothin’ but loneliness
In a dark corner of my mind
And if I asked you to
Would you make believe
That you understood my rhymes

It all comes down to how much you hate
Why go beyond the pain
Why break this neverending silence
Why try to reason beyond this fucked up mental violence
I can feel the hatred
But it doesn’t numb the pain
Death and hatred anger

Everything has shattered
An illusion is all I see
Of a better time and place
Where there still was you and me

It all comes down to how much you hate
Why go beyond the pain
Why break this neverending silence
Why try to reason beyond this fucked up mental violence
I can feel the hatred
But it doesn’t numb the pain
Death and hatred anger
It all comes down to how much you hate
It all comes down to how much you....Hate.



‘Imagine’ -- Kat Oliver

Can you imagine what it’s like
To be hated to be feared
To be outcast to be shunned
All because of the love you feel
For a certain special someone

Imagine the taunting
Imagine the sobbing
Imagine the fear
And the illusion of power
Imagine the pain
Imagine the suffering
Just close your eyes and imagine

Can your closed mind understand
What your blinded eyes are seeing
Never seeking to know the truth
Of how afraid your fellows are
Can you believe such a thing is true
Are you afraid of them
Or are they afraid of you

Imagine the taunting
Imagine the sobbing
Imagine the fear
And the illusion of power
Imagine the pain
Imagine the suffering

Just close your eyes and imagine
How it would feel
Just for a second
To be someone like me
Outcast for love
Not actions or blame
Can you Imagine that...

Imagine the taunting
Imagine the sobbing
Imagine the fear
And the illusion of power
Imagine the pain
Imagine the suffering
Imagine the suffering

‘Never Coming Back’ -- Kat Oliver

I never thought I would be in this place
Staring down at your cold and peaceful face
it’s all wrong, you never looked like that asleep
I wish this was a dream
That I could wake you up with a touch of my hand
I wish that I could bring you back
Morbid fasciniation at your cold lips
As I bend down for our last kiss

Never coming back
Never waking up
Never saying hello
Forgot to say goodbye
I hate you for being such a coward
I fucking hate you
Yet I love you more than I can say

I keep thinking time will bring you back
One I thought of love nor lack
Of peaceful moments biding time
Never thinking of your suicide
Until the next thing reminds me of you

Never coming back
Never waking up
Never saying hello
Forgot to say goodbye
I hate you for being such a coward
I fucking hate you
Yet I love you more than I can say

I thought you loved me
I thought my love would be enough
Not even I could save you
You were right
I am sorry for everything I did wrong
but it doesn’t matter
Nothing matters anymore
Because you’re gone

Never coming back
Never waking up
Never saying hello
Forgot to say goodbye
I hate you for being such a coward
I fucking hate you
Yet I love you more than I can say
Please come back to me...

‘The Only One’ -- Kat Oliver

Don’t tell me you don’t care
Don’t tell me I can’t trust you
Make yourself seem perfect
Make yourself seem sane
Fighting the voices
And hiding the pain
Of your morbid masquerade

Thought I knew you
Trusted you with all I had
You forget we ever happened
You act like we never even met
I can play that game too
If I try hard enough
I can pretend
The only one hurting is you
The only one who gave a damn was you

All the pain and all the nightmares
Tell me why you never cared
Broken hearts and shattered dreams
Perhaps I know now what death means

Thought I knew you
Trusted you with all I had
You forget we ever happened
You act like we never even met
I can play that game too
If I try hard enough
I can pretend
The only one hurting is you
The only one who gave a damn was you

Didn’t tell me it would cost this much
Didn’t tell me I’d hear your screaming
Taking up that space inside my head
All I hear is your voice
‘You think I’m fucking crazy, don’t you?!’
Yes, I do...
I think you’re crazy, bitch...Fuck you, too.

Thought I knew you
Trusted you with all I had
You forget we ever happened
You act like we never even met
I can play that game too
If I try hard enough
I can pretend
The only one hurting is you
The only one who gave a damn was you
The only one hurting is you
The only one who gave a damn was you

‘Welcome the Night’ -- Kat Oliver

Pain I can’t escape
Name I can’t forget
Touch I can still feel
Something I regret
Thought you were my salvation
All you brought were nightmares
I welcome this oblivion

Take me away from this place
These memories I hate
I welcome the night
I welcome the pain
I welcome the memory of your touch
Upon my body
To which there is no soul

Bleeding slowly
Dying slower
Hatred raging
Your fault I’m bleeding
Your fault I’m seething
I can’t erase the past
Or these loathsome memories
I never thought I’d love until you
The first is always a bitch...

Take me away from this place
These memories I hate
I welcome the night
I welcome the pain
I welcome the memory of your touch
Upon my body
To which there is no soul

You gave it all away
Forgot we existed
Forgot my tear streaked face
And the salt of our last kiss
I wonder now
What kind of fucking moron
Would ever ask for this

I welcome the night
I welcome the pain
I welcome the memory of your touch
Upon my body
To which there is no soul
To which there is no soul...

‘Be That Way’ -- Kat Oliver

You can’t control me any longer
I am free to break these chains you set on me
Someday you’ll be sorry
Someday I’ll be free
Memories might remind you of all we can never be

Trust broken
Promises unkept
Love lost
Still I wept
Lost something and can never get it back
I can never get you back

Strangers now
Lovers then
I wonder if you remember when...
Doesn’t seem like you do
If you want to be that way
Fuck you, too

Trust broken
Promises unkept
Love lost
Still I wept
Lost something and can never get it back
I can never get you back

My words didn’t matter
My love didn’t matter
All that mattered was you
And your friends
Your life was all that mattered
Did you ever really care
Or was it all in my head
I would have rather been alone

I wonder if you remember when...
Doesn’t seem like you do
If you want to be that way
Fuck you, too

‘Voices’ -- Kat Oliver

Whispers in my mind
Taking up the space inside my head
Silence is a virtue
They tell me every day why I deserve to die
I deserve to die

I can hear the voices
Whispering all the lies
But I can’t tell what is real and what is not
I can hear these voices
Why can’t you
Why the fuck can’t you

Random acts of self mutlilation
Never stop the pain
Neverending cycle of withdrawl
When will it all stop

I just want to be alone inside my head
Not hear the voices anymore
Crowding the space between my ears
Where no-one can really see or hear

I can hear the voices
Whispering all the lies
But I can’t tell what is real and what is not
I can hear these voices
Why can’t you
Why the fuck can’t you
Why the fuck can’t you

‘Waiting’ -- Kat Oliver

I stand here waiting
For my pain to stop
It never does
Continues constantly
Neverending relentlessly
Kicks me down
And burns me up
It never fucking stops

Waiting and seething
Dying and bleeding
Crying and screaming
Tired of hiding
Seeking not finding
These memories blinding

It will be okay
If I can find out what is real
Through the illusion of what has been
Pick myself up from the stone
And wait...

Waiting and seething
Dying and bleeding
Crying and screaming
Tired of hiding
Seeking not finding
These memories blinding

Waiting and seething
Dying and bleeding
Crying and screaming

‘I Just Want to Die’ -- Kat Oliver

Wandering aimlessly trying to find answers
But I never do
How the hell did I get here
Lost and alone
You never ask and I never say
Why does this pain never go away

I want you to stare into my unblinking eyes
Kiss my frozen lips
I want us to burn up together
I want you to hate me
I just want to die
I just want to die

I hate you
Unfeeling rage and memories forgotten
I found release in emotions you never express
Why am I supposed to care
When you have a heart of ice
Why can’t you see the truth
I just wanted to say goodbye

I want you to stare into my unblinking eyes
Kiss my frozen lips
I want us to burn up together
I want you to hate me
I just want to die
I just want to die

I want to gaze into the horizon with you
I want to live dying for you
I want to escape what used to be
I want to die with you
I want to love you
Live to hate you
I fuckin’ hate you

I want you to stare into my unblinking eyes
Kiss my frozen lips
I want us to burn up together
I want you to hate me
I just want to die
I just want to die
I just want to die