TEAR DOWN THE FENCES
DANCE WITH THE FREEDOM OF LIFE
Welcome to the dark everchanging recesses of my mind ~
Beware this journey is full of twists turns and misspellings ~
My name is MaKailah but those who know, love, & hate me usually call me gypsy a nick-name i have due to my lifestyle & attitude. I'm dancing through this journey called life. ~I'm mourning a lost love ~ She had two hearts she only loved me with one of them so when it came time to choose who to love with all of both her heart, she didnt choose me. She made the right choice, it still broke my heart. Many of my "poems" are about her. I live life impulsively and with passion, i think my poetry expresses that part of me. so with no further adue (sp?(told ya)) ...
~*~SOME THOUGHTS FROM GYPSY~*~
(MORE TO COME)
(memories - thoughts - almost poetry... lots o stuff)
~*~Not a mistake~*~
the grass keeps growing
& i keep breathing
& all is as it should be
for there are no mistakes
even mistakes are meant to be,
without mistakes wisdom could not excist.
my conception was a mistake
this mistake is undeniably destined
my mistake has lead me to a crossroad
where all my choices are laid out before me
in a
complicated simplicity
too destined to be reality.
Once again the undeniable truth,
the meant to be has flip-flopped
& i know without knowing
that my choice has already been made.
i simply need to remember it.
My heart is blind & my soul has amnesia,
my brain uses these chicken scratch senses
to bring together my world,
to make the mistakes
that only think they are mistakes
to not choose the path
never meant to be taken.
So lets push... lets go beyond the boundries,
lets bend the rules and break the cycle, lets
make a bomb that could destroy everything...
lets drink the drink that kills us slowly, lets
find a new drug that kills us faster then the last
lets go faster, harder, louder, more intense, lets
go higher, lets grow taller sooner, lets make
ouselves stronger - bigger, lets change what is...
into what was. Let is find our morals and one by
one destroy and defy them. Lets die quicker, lets
live faster, lets defy all that we want and abolish
our dreams ..., lets kill each other, kill ourselves
fill the air with smog and the rain with acid.
Lets deform our children and kill our elders,
go against the cycle, lets fuck in new ways,
lets make the intense more intense, lets make love
into lust and lets make the beautiful into the sick
LETS KILL the melodies and harmonies and let chaos
insue...
FOR I CARE NOT...
AND NEITHER DO YOU!...
SINKING SAND
So lets be sad, lets get mad, lets cry and scream
and lower ourselves to an even lower level.
Why dont we just sleep for days and eat ourselves
fat, lets smoke and drink, lets drown in self pity &
bring everyone around us down with us ... if they
smile hit them, if they cry slap them and lets never
bathe and let the world knowhow horrible our lives
are. Lets blame everything that happened, everything
that never happened on everyone but ourselves for
its never our fault. Why brush our hair or teeth?
Let the world see what it has done to you.
Why smile when the world has done you a disservice?
Why work when when we could live off everyone else,
let our family work for us, they owe us, they ruined
our life.
So lets be sad...
lets get mad...
lets sink in our sinking sand...
DEPRESSION...
WEAKNESS AND...
SELF PITY...
-=-=-BEWARE...-=-=-
The sign says "BEWARE OF PICKPOCKETS AND LOOSE WOMEN"
how true... pickpockets of hearts... pickpockets of
souls who sweep in and steal away all you ever wanted
pickpockets in disquise of politions stealing money
and freedom all the while telling us lies and false
promises of free choice, free lives, freedom of speech
(as long as you dont say the wrong thing or live the
wrong way)...
And beware of loose women... need i say more?...
Loose womenin all their beauty, with deep eyes & deep
emotions, beware of them for they too are dangerous,
in their own way. With their flawless faces and deadly
curves, they can own your heart, make you do anything
for them, only to find someone more intriguing then
you, someone new once you are a moment of the past.
So yes it is true...
"BEWARE OF PICKPOCKETS AND LOOSE WOMEN"
SO TELL THE TRUTH... JUST WHO ARE YOU?
NO NOT THAT ONE, THAT PRISTINE IMAGE DEVELOPED
TO MAKE YOU POLITICALLY CORRECT...
THE REAL YOU,
THE ONE WHO TALKS TO YOURSELF & WHO MATERBATES
AND THINKS TOO MUCH SOMETIMES, TOO LITTLE OTHER TIMES
THE YOU YOU ARE IN THE SHOWER, THE YOU YOU HIDE FROM
THE YOU WHILE YOU SIT ON YOUR PORCILIAN THRONE W/
YOUR PANTS AROUND YOUR ANKLES...
THAT YOU.
DO YOU LIKE THAT YOU? ARE YOU FRIENDS? OR ENEMIES?
OR MERELY AQUANTICES?
DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW THAT YOU OR IS THAT PERSON
TOO SHAMEFUL TO INTRODUCE TO YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY,
TOO EMBARRADING TO SHOW TO YOUR LOVERS...
WOULD IT BE SO BAD TO LET YOURSELF COME OUT AND PLAY
NOW AND THEN? TO LET YOURSELF BE ONE W/ YOUR MODEL
CITIZEN SELF? MAYBE YOUE SP SCARED THAT EVEN THE
YOU MOST SEE IS WORSE THEN THE YOU INSIDE...
DO YOU HIDE BEHIND THOSE CLOTHS AND ATTITUDE?
IS YOUR SELF EXPRESSION REALLY AN EXPRESSION OF YOUR
TRUE SELF? OR IS IT JUST WHAT YOU WANT EVERYONE TO
SEE? SO SCARED TO SHOW YOURSELF TO THE WORLD...
SO HUMILIATED BY YOUR TWISTED FUCKED UP SELF TO LET
IT BE FREE...
WHAT IF EVERYONE LET GO?
WOULD THERE BE CHAOS FROM ALL THE TWISTED MINDS LET
LOOSE? OR WOULD IT BE A REBIRTH? A REVOLUTION OF SELF.
WHY IS THE SYSTEM SO IMPORTANT? WHY MUST WE BE
POLITICALLY CORRECT TO SAVE OTHERS YET DEMOLISH
OURSELF?
WHY BE KENS AND BARBIES WHEN WE ARE ALL MADE TO BE
INDIVIDUALS?
SO HERE IS YOUR CHANCE...
BE AN INDIVIDUAL...
BE FREE...
BE LIBERATED...
BE REBORN...
& FUCK THE SYSTEM!!!!
{{{DREAD}}}
im claustrophopic, smothering in my own dread.
there is no reason to worry yet my demon is hours
away, but she will be here tonight, tomorrow and until
i leave she will haunt me, it does not matter if she
is in my presence or not, to know she is near by, she
could be here at any moment... this kills.
So i will have to live near her for days,
how can i be so content and happy if at any moment
it could all be torn to bits... How can i be happy
knowing that i might not know when i will see her next
im terrified of her, though i would never tell or
let it show she scares me, humiliates me, finds my
heart and soul... rips it out and throws it into a
puddle of quilt and shame...
but as usual i just pick up the pieces and walk away,
no one ever knowing what just happened,
leaving her irate, crazy with anger that after all
that i seem untouched...
UNTOUCHED?
No, not at all i'm left with yet another deep GASH
that will only turn into a
SCAR....
WHIPPED CREAM FANTASIES IN ALL THEIR SWEETNESS,
THE CHILLED TREAT SLIDES OVER MY LIPS AND TONGUE,
LEAVING MY FINGERS STICKY.
ALMOST SINFUL PLEASURE...
MINDLESS INDULGENCE,
IMAGINARY SEX SCENES PLAY THEMSELVES IN MY HEAD,
NOT SO IMAGINARY FEELINGS TRICKLE THROUGH MY BODY.
A SHY SMILE FINDS MY LIPS,
MY TONGUE FINDS MORE SUGARY CREAM ON MY FINGERTIPS.
SINFUL SEDUCTION...
MINDLESS INDULGENCE...
ONLY MY WHIPPED CREAM FANTASIES...
EVERY WOMAN is a deep sea of secrets,
am i to be one of yours?
am i destined to be a memory hidden behind
those deep mysterious irises,
are we meant to have our interlude, our affair,
to follow our hearts and then move along seemingly
unchanged, but in truth our time together will
be like a pebble thrown into a pond,
temporarly leaving ripples then all is left the same,
but only in appearance, for once thrown into the
water the pebble is still there unseen,
yet the pond is forever changed.
can i b ur pebble, cradled in your memory,
a shadow of true love?
i would rather be a pebble in ur pond
then a pebble sitting on the bank
looking from a distance...
wishing to be submerged in the clear deep waters.
will you let me be a small hidden secret in ur depths
u will b my secret too
though i know ur ripples might never go away
i would never want them to
i would never tell of my secret palace in ur depths
let me take refuge in ur presence for a short while
and let me carry the memory of you with me
to keep me going.
to know i didnt lose the love of my life
to know i only let her fly away
so now i am throwing myself towards your waters
hoping that you will welcome me
let me change your waters forever
and give u a treasure...
a memory to hold onto...
my controlled chaos slowly dissolved into the deep recesses of her eyes all was lost when i was with you now i am lost in this labyrinth without your everchanging guidance ~ your hearts beat so loudly my ears are buzzing with the sound the sound of the bass being turned up too loudly like you love to do ~ your guitar voice seeped into my veins bringing movement into my stiff creaky soul ~ now without that sound i am a brittle statue confined in solitude ~ so pure for you love with two hearts only one lover ~ and me your lover of the soul is left to my thoughts when we exchanged hearts i put mine in a lock box and gave you the only key when you took your heart back you kept the key - so when the twin demons heartache and solitude knocked on my window i did not move on i let them in and said they would leave someday and my greedy guests sneak in through the cracks in the wall i can never be rid of them and when i look closer i see your eyes are one and the same with my demon solitude and you share a voice with heartache when i see those eyes i am more lonely then ever and that voice breaks my heart ~ that clear contentment i once had with you i never have now a foggy dullness overtakes the previous companion~ when i step into the sun and all see me they would never know the demons have shrunk themselves and are in my pocket, but some notice their reflection in my eyes but as my heart shatters around me i kick away the pieces and walk down the street headed for my next journey ~ it must be true tumbleweeds can never have a companion and i will be alone in my neverending travels... (july 31,2003(a rant(written directly on website)))
BRINGIN UP SOME OLD SHIT
(things i wrote long ago)
your presence...
so now i sit here all alone...
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