This post is going out to Aunt Marge and Uncle Gary. Welcome back from Florida. Brooklyn Update: sunny, 45 degrees.
UFO Occupant Descriptions in South America (1965):
Giants=6
Monster Update:
Tall Men=9
Medium or normal-sized men=5
Small men=10
Tiny men (less than 3 feet high)= 12
Hairy, bellicose dwarfs= 5
Greenish creatures=3
Hairy giant=1
Bela: Thomas and Lisa went to the Metropolitan Opera last night to see Aida.
Harry: Aida is an opera by Verdi.
Bela: He was cool.
Harry: And Italian.
Bela: There were no monsters or mice in Aida, but there were horses.
Harry: Horses are cool.
Bela: Aida is set in ancient Egypt.
Harry: The sets are cool.
Bela: They have cat statues.
Harry: So anyway, Aida is a slave girl and she is in love with a great warrior named Radames. But the mean princess who is the daughter of the pharoah is in love with Radames.
Bela: And Aida is the servant of the mean bitch princess.
Harry: She had a good voice though.
Bela: I agree.
Harry: Then Radames won a big battle against the Ethiopians and captured Aida's father and she was all freaked out.
Bela: Everyone was all freaked out for the whole four hours of the opera. That's what people do in operas. They freak out.
Harry: Very true.
Bela: Then the pharoah told Radames he could marry the princess and he said okay, but also he wanted to marry Aida and then Aida and Radames made a plan to run away together, but the mean bitch princess found out, and also Aida and her father got away, but Radames got caught and the high priests said he was a traitor and then they put him in a tomb under the temple and then it turned out that Aida was in there too, since she wanted to die with him, since that's what people do in operas.
Harry: People are stupid.
Bela: I agree.
Harry: And then they all die.
Bela: Coming tomorrow: more scary monster stories.
Harry: Fuck the opera.
Bela: I want to hear more about the monkey men.
Posted by lisa jarnot
at 10:05 AM EST
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"Charles Wetzel was driving home in Riverside, California, on Saturday night, November 8, 1958, and as he neared the point where North Main Street crosses the Santa Ana River something leapt in front of his car. 'It had a round, scarecrowish head,' he said, 'like something out of Halloween. It wasn't human. It had a longer arm than anything I'd ever seen. When it saw me in the car it reached all the way back to the windshield and began clawing me. It didn't have any ears. The face was all round. The eyes were shining like something fluorescent, and it had a protuberant mouth.'"
Coming tomorrow: Cannibalism in the early colonies and Benjamin Franklin electrocutes a turkey. Dig it.
Hey Hat Machines,
Here is a hat update. There are 33 completed hats and 34 hats on order and probably another ten will be reserved for government officials which means there are about 23 hats unassigned. Also I am updating the hat website with names of hat owners and I am starting to assign dedications to hats. If you have a hat and you have a hat dedication request, please let me know! Also, I have revised the hat schedule. I am very sorry for the delays. The cats refuse to knit and they are tangling the yarn.
Laynie?s Rose Colored hat is finished!
Janet?s Field Theory hat November 28th
Jake?s Chupacabra Dec 8th
Peter O?s sherpa cap Dec 18th
Kelly?s pink and green hats Dec 25th
Kaia?s Walla Walla Wear Dec 28th
Thomas?s dad?s Welsh Sheepinator hat Jan 6th
Jennifer T?s field theory hat Jan 15th
Devin?s Dog Deer Jan 25th
Stacy?s Dog Dear mubarak Feb 5th
Thomas?s Persian rug hat Feb 15th
Juliana?s pick of the month Feb 21st
Chris B?s Seafood Deluxe Feb 28th
Jordan?s Hat hat March 10th
Sophie?s light blue snowflake March 20th
Lizzie?s Sheepinator March 30th
Dave Perry?s Chupacabra Especiallo April 10th
Tristan?s maybe a sherpa April 20th
Jamie?s Bunny Sheepinator April 30th
Norma?s SF Hills hat May 12th
Rae?s hairless hat May 20th
The Tim Lane Special May 27th
Angelo?s spider man hat June 10th
Alejandro?s Uncommun Headgear June 20th
Dave?s Zig-zag ear warmer hat June 30th
Nowak?s red star July 10th
Cori?s cat in the hat hat July 20th
Jon Link?s O New England hat July 30th
Michael Smoler?s fire and smoke hat Aug 10th
Paul?s hip hop hat Aug 20th
Cat?s Mets (or Yankees?) hat Aug 30th
Dara?s Steinlike hat Sept 10th
Chris Luna?s Sheepinator Sept 20th
Brandon's Man in Black Hat Sept 30th
Posted by lisa jarnot
at 10:00 PM EST
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Updated: Tuesday, 23 November 2004 6:15 PM EST
Good morning Blogsters. Lisa of Lisablog here. Harry and Bela are asleep so I'm checking in today. This is going out to everyone in the tri-state area where it's rainy and most people have wicked colds. Stick with the chicken soup-- it works. And don't listen to any reports about flying bird-men over Brooklyn.
Hat Update: Laynie's rose colored hat is done and Janet's field theory hat is in progress, and Jake's California chupacabra is in progress too.
The Thomas and Lisa Report: We are quite happy, thank you, and we would like to encourage everyone to fight the power. Please remember to sign onto the Heritage Foundation's Conservative Job Bank and to make some random phone calls to 1-800-800-life to tell dirty jokes to the people at Life Dynamics KKK Pro-Life City.
Monster Update: From Reuters, June 12, 1969, Rangoon, Burma:
"Two giant 'monkey men' recently sighted roaming the jungles along the Mekong River near the Thai-Burma-Laos border have been terrifying local villagers. According to press reports, the two creatures are said to be about ten feet tall."
Coming Up Next: The Monkey Men of North America, more on the 100 hats project, and what you can expect from Lisablog in the New Year.
Bela: Today's special topic is monsters.
Harry: We are all for monsters.
Bela: Here are some insights from A Complete Guide to Mysterious Beings.
Harry: First off, bird-men. Bird-men are my favorite.
Bela: A bird man was seen over Brooklyn in 1877.
Harry: And check this out: "Three years later a 'marvelous apparition' appeared over Coney Island....'Many reputable persons' saw it, according to the New York Times (September 12, 1880), 'and they all agree that it was a man engaged in flying toward New Jersey'".
Bela: Go Bird Man!
Harry: Check in tomorrow for stories about monkey men.
Bela: And also a hat update.
And Now, a message from Lisablog correspondents Harry and Bela:
Bela: Greetings Earthlings. Two days ago I received a microchip. I am now a fully computerized happening cat. This microchip will allow me to join the European Union of cats, if I want to.
Harry: Meanwhile, I now weight 12.125 pounds. Please congratulate me on my new slim look.
Bela: Congratulations Harry. I meanwhile gained one pound. Harry and I are now in the same weight class.
Harry: Also, Lisa's friend Elena gave us this cool website info re: macrobiotic eating schemes: Macro Eating and she also mentioned the book, The Macrobiotic Way by Michio Kushi.
Bela: The other news is that Lisa's friends from the North Country are visiting today. Let's here it for Mark and Lisa. They brought toys.
Harry: And look forward to more news from the cat kingdom over the next ten days. Lisa is going on another secret mission with Thomas. Heads up Thomas: You better bring us toys.
Bela: Everyone better bring us toys. And we will have a hat update for you and more gnostic treasures.
Harry: Stay cool people.
Bela: Peace.
Harry: And down with Dick Cheney.
Bela: And that bitch lady Condi Rice.
Posted by lisa jarnot
at 10:46 AM EST
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Updated: Thursday, 18 November 2004 1:52 PM EST
This just in from Brooklyn Correspondent Evan "I love John Walker Lindh" Kennedy. Check these guys out:
DONNY RUMMY PRODUCTIONS presents THE PATRIOT ACT in concert!
Friday 11/19 at THE ORANGE BEAR! 11PM. $3
and
Saturday 11/20 at THE RED ZONE's METAL/HARDCORE NIGHT in QUEENS! FAGGOTS
ARE BASHING BACK MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
http://www.redzonerocks.com/directions.html God help us.
THE PATRIOT ACT is a politically insensitive, neo-mannerist, danceable,
hummable, crude, art faggy rock and roll quartet performing your very own
terrorist songbook for your post-election blues and beyond.
47 Murray Street in Tribeca.
It is near the City Hall stop on the N and R.
Between West Broadway and
Church Streets.
Top Ten Possible Gnostic Gospel Christmas Card Greetings:
1. "The [Lord] said, '[...]...when you see them...[...]become huge.'"
2. "I call your name that is hidden within me: a o ee o eee ooo iii oooo ooooo ooo oo uuuuuu oo oooooooooo ooooooooo oo."
3. "The males on the right are frog-faced, and the females on the left are cat-faced."
4. "And the Hymen and the Afterbirth and the Power were chaotic fires."
5. "We have seen the really pre-existent one and he really exists."
6. "[silent ....god(s)] wash it (fem.) from [...of God]"
7. "when she gives birth, [...]with [...] all of [...] thing men".
8. "Woe to you for you did not receive the doctrine."
9. "For when the semen reaches the climax, it leaps forth."
10. "Father Trismegistus!"
Posted by lisa jarnot
at 10:18 PM EST
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Updated: Tuesday, 16 November 2004 10:24 PM EST
This just in from Lisablog correspondent Whit:
"A boy I know, Sean (aged 20) joined the Marine
reserves right out of high school; he wanted to go to college but didn't have the money. He was told he could do weekend duty (play in the mud with phoney bullets). He is now in Fallujah and we have no way of finding out his situation."
The good people at Lisablog are trying to get in touch with the good people of the Marines in and around Fallujah. Are there any active service people bloggers out there? We need to establish contact with you! If you are in Iraq, please contact us at jarnot@earthlink.net. The first Lisablog correspondent to establish contact with an Iraqi or an American in Iraq gets a Mubarak hat from the 100 hats project.
Posted by lisa jarnot
at 9:18 AM EST
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