Saturday, 20 November 2004
Harry and Bela's Guide to Mysterious Creatures
Bela: Today's special topic is monsters.
Harry: We are all for monsters.
Bela: Here are some insights from A Complete Guide to Mysterious Beings.
Harry: First off, bird-men. Bird-men are my favorite.
Bela: A bird man was seen over Brooklyn in 1877.
Harry: And check this out: "Three years later a 'marvelous apparition' appeared over Coney Island....'Many reputable persons' saw it, according to the New York Times (September 12, 1880), 'and they all agree that it was a man engaged in flying toward New Jersey'".
Bela: Go Bird Man!
Harry: Check in tomorrow for stories about monkey men.
Bela: And also a hat update.
Thursday, 18 November 2004
Macro and Micro
And Now, a message from Lisablog correspondents Harry and Bela:
Bela: Greetings Earthlings. Two days ago I received a microchip. I am now a fully computerized happening cat. This microchip will allow me to join the European Union of cats, if I want to.
Harry: Meanwhile, I now weight 12.125 pounds. Please congratulate me on my new slim look.
Bela: Congratulations Harry. I meanwhile gained one pound. Harry and I are now in the same weight class.
Harry: Also, Lisa's friend Elena gave us this cool website info re: macrobiotic eating schemes: Macro Eating and she also mentioned the book, The Macrobiotic Way by Michio Kushi.
Bela: The other news is that Lisa's friends from the North Country are visiting today. Let's here it for Mark and Lisa. They brought toys.
Harry: And look forward to more news from the cat kingdom over the next ten days. Lisa is going on another secret mission with Thomas. Heads up Thomas: You better bring us toys.
Bela: Everyone better bring us toys. And we will have a hat update for you and more gnostic treasures.
Harry: Stay cool people.
Harry: And down with Dick Cheney.
Bela: And that bitch lady Condi Rice.
Wednesday, 17 November 2004
The Patriot Act
This just in from Brooklyn Correspondent Evan "I love John Walker Lindh" Kennedy. Check these guys out:
DONNY RUMMY PRODUCTIONS presents THE PATRIOT ACT in concert!
Friday 11/19 at THE ORANGE BEAR! 11PM. $3
47 Murray Street in Tribeca.
It is near the City Hall stop on the N and R.
Between West Broadway and
Saturday 11/20 at THE RED ZONE's METAL/HARDCORE NIGHT in QUEENS!
ARE BASHING BACK MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
God help us.
THE PATRIOT ACT is a politically insensitive, neo-mannerist, danceable,
hummable, crude, art faggy rock and roll quartet performing your very own
terrorist songbook for your post-election blues and beyond.
Tuesday, 16 November 2004
From the House of Hermeticism
Top Ten Possible Gnostic Gospel Christmas Card Greetings:
1. "The [Lord] said, '[...]...when you see them...[...]become huge.'"
2. "I call your name that is hidden within me: a o ee o eee ooo iii oooo ooooo ooo oo uuuuuu oo oooooooooo ooooooooo oo."
3. "The males on the right are frog-faced, and the females on the left are cat-faced."
4. "And the Hymen and the Afterbirth and the Power were chaotic fires."
5. "We have seen the really pre-existent one and he really exists."
6. "[silent ....god(s)] wash it (fem.) from [...of God]"
7. "when she gives birth, [...]with [...] all of [...] thing men".
8. "Woe to you for you did not receive the doctrine."
9. "For when the semen reaches the climax, it leaps forth."
10. "Father Trismegistus!"
Monday, 15 November 2004
Are there any Fallujah correspondents out there?
This just in from Lisablog correspondent Whit:
"A boy I know, Sean (aged 20) joined the Marine
reserves right out of high school; he wanted to go to college but didn't have the money. He was told he could do weekend duty (play in the mud with phoney bullets). He is now in Fallujah and we have no way of finding out his situation."
The good people at Lisablog are trying to get in touch with the good people of the Marines in and around Fallujah. Are there any active service people bloggers out there? We need to establish contact with you! If you are in Iraq, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The first Lisablog correspondent to establish contact with an Iraqi or an American in Iraq gets a Mubarak hat from the 100 hats project.
From the News Room
Locusts have eaten all the peanuts in Senegal.
Atlantis was discovered in Cyprus.
Underwater caves of Loch Ness host the Loch Ness Monster.
Bela is asleep on top of Laynie' new hat.
A hat update, and a new line of hats for winter: the Creeley, the Ondaatje, the Welsh Father-in-Law, and the Loch Ness monster.
Sunday, 14 November 2004
Centralized Voting Fraud Website
This just in from Amy King: a great weblog with all the info and numbers you should be calling if you are worried about voter fraud. Please go here and click on some links and make some phone calls and do some voodoo on Dick Cheney's pacemaker.
Saturday, 13 November 2004
Yo! Peak Performance
This post is going out to chupacabra Dick Cheney: keep eating red meat dude.
And now, let's return to peak performance. It might be dark and cold, but that doesn't mean you can stay in bed. There is a revolution to plan, and these days you should be asking yourself "Do I have the upper body strength to scale the walls of the White House?" "Have I trained like a navy-seal to swim out to a Halliburton Oil Platform?"
You may want to incorporate these ideas into your vision statement. And if you are new to Lisablog you might not know what a vision statement is. I learned about vision statements from this dude named John DeRosalia who is a skydiving psychotherapist. He helps athletes to become world champions. So today let's make you a world champion too.
First you might want to check out John DeRosalia's Website
And here is a little excerpt from it:
What's the most powerful peak performance tool?
My 'miracle tool' is a Personal Vision Statement; a written description of the goal, its time-frame, the steps you'll take to achieve it, and a list of reasons that make it important to you. Writing this out can be time-consuming but it's worth the effort. Most people have thoughts, ideas and dreams of what they'd like to do. But thinking about something is only the first level. Putting your thoughts into words is a second, much more powerful level. A recent study revealed that over 90% of Olympic gold medal winners had their goals down in writing. The third level is taking action in the direction of your goals. The idea is to begin living your dreams and not just thinking about them. Thought, word, and deed are cornerstones in every major philosophy and religion throughout time. The idea in peak performance is to reach for the highest thought.
Writing a vision statement can be quite fun. Sometimes it helps to start with a list of stuff you want to do. Think of the small details, and think of big plans too. For instance, my vision statement ideas might look like this:
Drink 8 glasses of water a day.
Eat greens every day.
Re-integrate running 5 days a week.
Have an excellent husband and have a good life with him.
Save money to get a sheep farm.
And health insurance.
Knit 100 Hats.
Knit a sweater.
Knit a blanket.
Translate the Iliad.
Finish the Duncan biography by June 1st.
Be good to my students.
Be a streamlined and cool gnosis seeker.
Stop the war machine.
Get a dog.
Publish my first novel.
Get a full-time teaching job.
Study Middle Eastern archaeology.
The next step is to craft your ideas into a positive, enthusiastic, easy to read mantra. For instance, my vision statement could look like this:
November 13, 2004
I eat well and I drink eight glasses of water every day, which means two in the morning before I leave the house and I eat greens every day and I eat clean protein like raw fish and I don't eat too much sugar and every morning for ten minutes I stretch and do yoga and I do 60 push ups and 25 stomach crunches and I reintegrate running into my life, especially after school ends, when I am in London where I can run through parks filled with foxes and I am a lean, mean fighting machine and I am the one.
I am good to my students and I learn as much as I can all the time and I work on major projects like the Duncan book, which becomes my life beginning in January, and my novel, which I finish over the summer, and my translation of the Iliad, which I work on for an hour every other day beginning in January as a way to take a break from the Duncan book, and I work on knitting and I make 100 hats for people all over the world and also I knit a long warm funky blanket for me and Thomas and the cats and I do what I can every day to stop the war machine and I dedicate some time to that in whatever way possible.
I look forward to the following things: finishing major projects so that I can study Latin and archaeology and wild flowers and astronomy, getting a big German Shepherd dog, saving money for a farm in the country, having a vegetable garden and chasing the pheasants away, visiting Scotland and Wales and Greece and Italy, learning more about whiskey and beer and tea, being a teacher of poetry and having health insurance, having a most excellent husband and sharing my life with him.
The next step:
Read your vision statement every morning, and read it at night before you go to sleep. It helps to dream about your imminent Olympic successes. See yourself doing these things. John DeRosalia says there are two possibilities with a vision statement: you read it every day and achieve your goals or you don't read it every day and you don't achieve your goals.
Set your goals realistically, and pace yourself. And you might find that it's really exciting to revise your vision statement in a few weeks or a month. Save your old vision statements and chart your progress. Be a champion! You are the One.
From the House of War
This post is going out to Ted (25), Dave (25), Tom (20), Peter (22), Erick (21), Sean (28), Romulo (21), Dan (25), Dennis (21), Mike (45), Josh (24), Aaron (20), Gene (28), Justin (20), Abe (19), and Julian (22). They were all killed in Iraq yesterday.
And now, from the New York Times: "Human rights experts said Friday that American soldiers might have committed a war crime on Thursday when they sent fleeing Iraqi civilians back into Falluja....laws of war require military forces to protect civilians as refugees and forbid returning them to a combat zone....Because the United States has refused to take part in the International Criminal Court, it is unclear whether American troops could be held accountable."
Dogs of War
Oh Dogs of War, if we are indeed at war with the Bush Administration, here are some people you should call.
Thanks to Brooklyn correspondent Geoffrey for forwarding this info. And by the way, the news in the newsrooms is that there's a lock down on coverage of election fraud.
Go out and bug these people:
Politicians allegedly/reportedly looking into the issue - urge them
to introduce a bill to investigate voter fraud:
Rep. Henry Waxman of CA - 202-225-3976
Rep. Stephanie Tubbs-Jones of OH - 202-225-7032
Rep. Dennis Kucinich of OH - 202-225-5871
Rep. Tim Ryan of OH - 202-225-5261
6) Federal Elections Commission:
Joseph Stoltz, Assistant Staff Director
800-424-9530 (press 0, then ext. 1200)
Lynne McFarland, Inspector General
800-424-9530 (press 0, then ext. 1015)
Call /email Jimmy Carter at the Carter Center: email@example.com or
call at (800) 550-3560
Former President Jimmy Carter and the Carter
Center are considered to be the most experienced in the election process and
conducting fair democratic elections - urge him to get involved and
investigate possible fraud and the unexplainable discrepancies throughout
the election involving the computer voting machines, especially in swing
And bug these people too:
CNN VP of News Susan Bunda via email at firstname.lastname@example.org
ABC News President David Westin via email at email@example.com
CBS News President Andrew Heyward via email at firstname.lastname@example.org
NBC News President Neal Shapiro via email at email@example.com
Fox News CEO Roger Ailes via email at firstname.lastname@example.org
A feature article on the Loch Ness Monster
What is a vision statement and why should you have one?
Where is Wales and what do Welshmen really do with sheep?
Can you name all the bones in your skull?
Comparative Anatomy: Cat skeletons: can you name all the bones in the skull of your cat?
And a recap of weird stuff you should be doing to irk the right wing in America.
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