Kris10's Poems & Ramblings

“Deeper Into You”

Too many times I’ve noticed it,

Everything comes crashing through,

The moment that I let myself

Fall deeper into you.

Unsure of what you’re feeling,

I’m terrified you see,

Maybe I’m just dreaming,

This is all some fantasy.

To good to be so real right now,

I’m not sure I understand,

Nobody’s ever been this great

To accept me as I am.

My past it all still haunts me,

I wish I could take it back,

Amazed that you still want me,

I’m falling so hard…

I can’t stop that.

Hold me close,

I need you,

To feel the warmth of your embrace,

I love the way you kiss me

And how your body tastes.

So if I had just one more night,

I’d swear this all to you,

Looking deep within your eyes,

I’m so in love with you.

-Kristen Anne Parker-

“Beautiful Lies”

Beautiful lies

Bittersweet truth,

The trees are all gone

I’m losing my youth.

Waited for everything,

I never did gain,

Just a lifetime of emptiness,

Sex, lies and pain.

Beautiful teardrops,

Bittersweet hell,

In me all these demons

Continue to dwell.

Please help me stay strong

I’m so afraid that I’ll fall,

Give into my weakness

The wrong of it all.

My heart starts to break,

I continue to cry,

It’s all out of hate,

Please take my hand…

Please hold me tight,

Help me feel wanted,

For just one beautiful night.

-Kristen Anne Parker-

“You’re So Pathetic”

I hate how you look at me

All the lust in your eyes

I’m tired of this emptiness

All your pathetic Bull$#!t lies!

You’re draining all I am inside,

Your compassion is all to fake,

I wanna end it all tonight,

Kill myself…

Feel this blade.

Purging deep within my skin,

The pain it’s all so sweet,

Replacing all the love

You refused to show…

You’re so F-ing weak.

Used me to fill your emptiness,

Left me alone inside

This is why I hate you

This is how I died.

Blood it all surrounds me

No one hears my screams,

Fading from reality

It’s better than it seems.

Don’t feel sorry that I left you,

I know it’s what you want,

All you ever wanted

Was just a short term slut.

No one that could even feel the pain.

A girl to just abuse,

I always felt alone,

I felt so got d@mn used.

I did have the emotions,

How could you be so wrong?

You never realized the truth…

I loved you all along.

-Kristen Anne Parker-

“Down So Fast”

I’m falling down so fast right now

I need to stop myself.

This emptiness I feel inside

It hurts me more than all the rest.

I don’t understand your intentions

This is making me so mad

Why should I feel guilty?

When all you do is make me sad.

I’ve cried so much it aches inside

You’ve pushed me to the edge

Cutting so d@mn deep in me,

You pull me farther,

Over the ledge.

I try so hard to fight this,

To keep from loving you

Cus’ I know your games,

You’re playing me

And I feel so sickly used.

My body’s just some idol

You seem to love to trash

Cus’ all you ever wanted from me

Is just some f-ing @$$!!!

This passion that I feel for you,

This lust…

It’s my escape,

Even though I know it’s wrong

I’ve gone too far,

It’s all too late.

And as I try to turn around,

Just drop you from my life…

I can’t,

I’m so addicted

To your trash

This F*%#ed up life.

-Kristen Anne Parker-

"Just Like The Rest"

I cannot take it anymore,

I've held this in too long.

I'm so d@*n mad,

So angry,

You treated me so wrong.

I thought that you were different,

You sounded so sinceare,

I should have seen it sooner,

Your intentions wern't so clear.

I must say you were good at it,

Acting like you cared,

I never would have thought

That your feelings were not there.

Just used me for my body,

Don't give me Bull$#!t lines,

Telling me you're better,

That you're not like other guys.

How pathetic,

What a cop-out,

Stop feeding me

Sugar coated lies,

I can see the truth within you,

When I look into your eyes.

I'm not completly stupid,

Your words just sound the same,

Along with all the other boys,

And their F#*%ed up selfish games.

-Kristen Anne Parker-

“Trapped”

I’m Lost with words

I’m tired of the foolish things you do,

Can’t take it anymore,

I’m slowly giving up on you.

So sick of all this ridicule,

I’m afraid of your very touch,

The softness that it used to have,

Seems to have faded way too much.

So selfish,

I can’t stand this,

Will you quit with the abuse?

I don’t like it when you touch me there,

It hurts…

I feel so used.

Struggling for another breath,

I’m crying,

Please just stop.

You seem to enjoy the power,

Holding me down when you’re on top.

Gripping me so tight I bleed,

My skin you watch it tear,

All for a little more pleasure,

But there isn’t a d@*n thing there.

Spreading my legs further,

You can only go so deep,

My vision’s dark,

My head it hurts

Get off me you low life creep!

I can tell it feels so good to you,

To crush the girl I am

Stealing every bit of innocence

That I had left within.

How can you watch me lay here

As the tears run down my face

Pleading for my freedom

For some hope I long to taste.

I push with all I have inside

I fight but you won’t move

No control,

I hate this,

I’m screaming but there’s no use.

Wishing for a moment,

I could be somebody else

But my mind is clouded

It’s so d@*n dark

How did I get in such a mess?

So taking one last struggle

You hear my one last cry

This very moment I’m trapped beneath you

I just want to f-ing die.

-Kristen Anne Parker-

“Inner Hate”

So angry inside that it hurts

I’m feeling so d@#n weak,

I’m so tired of all the bull$#!t games

This world’s so twisted,

I’m such a freak.

So many mixed emotions,

The past it haunts my dreams,

If only I could live this life

Without hearing the constant inner screams.

The darkness just won’t leave me,

It’s invading all my thoughts,

Distortion of reality,

Maybe they’re something that I’m not.

I’m striving for perfection

I know I’ll never reach,

I long to find my innocence

To have an inner peace.

I’m gaining nothing from this guilt,

I have nowhere left to fall,

Nobody that will catch me,

Who will understand it all?

Nobody who will listen,

Without judging, why is that?

Everybody’s vision’s blinded by the deepest shades of black.

I ache for a sense of purity,

I’d give anything to have it back,

To turn it all around again,

For a soul that’s not so sad

And a girl that’s less naļve inside,

I ache for the life I could have had.

-Kristen Anne Parker-

"No Promises”

Don’t promise me the world when all you do is lie,

I can’t stand the way you make me feel,

All I ever do is cry.

Don’t hold my hand when you don’t care,

I can’t take this pain again.

I’m falling hard,

It’s scaring me,

When all I’ll get is f*#@^d again.

Don’t tell me that you care,

Or feed me bull$#!t lies,

I can tell they way you truly are,

When I look into your eyes.

You’re making me so weak,

It’s breaking who I am.

Please don’t play these games with me,

I refuse to let you win.

My heart is not a plaything,

It’s not a f-ing toy,

Don’t be like all the others were,

A heartless dumb @$$ boy.

I’m putting a little trust in you,

Trying to forget my past,

Hoping that you’re different,

That maybe this will last.

So tell me if I’m wrong,

Don’t play me for a fool,

I’d rather be alone at night,

Then just another foolish girl.

Don’t use me for my body,

There’s more to me than that,

I want to know you more than this,

But I want it all to last.

I know it’s all so slow to you.

I can’t move things very fast,

It’s the way that I’ve been treated,

Walked all over in the past.

Raped of all my innocence,

Drained of all my worth,

Please understand I care for you,

But I’m scared to death I’ll just get hurt.

So try to see it my way.

If you respect me then you’ll wait,

And if it’s all too difficult,

Then turn around,

Just walk away.

-Kristen Anne Parker-

"One More Pill"

Alone inside ,

I'm tired,

This emptiness it hurts.

I'm missing so much love inside,

I hate the way this works.

I fell in love

It failed,

You treated me so bad.

My pain,

It was all a game to you,

I've never been so sad.

You didn't see how much I cared,

You trapped me in your world,

Stuck beneath the surface,

Torn by all your hatefull words.

Trying to block the pain again,

I take another pill,

Only to see the girl inside,

Is fighting for something so unreal.

Laying on the floor tonight,

The walls begin to spin,

I think I've lost another war,

I knew I'd never win.

My heart is beating slower now,

My chest it aches so bad,

I cannot stand to live this life,

I hate myself....

I'm so d@%# mad.

Swallow one more pill I guess,

My throat it feels so tight,

Maybe if I slit my wrist,

I could end this f*%#*% up night.

I'm ready for a change,

But then again I'm not,

My world is one big mess,

A mixed up melting pot.

Feeling all this panic,

I was ready now I'm not.

It's too late now,

The choice was bad,

Now the blood it just won't stop.

I tried to call you sooner.

You blocked out all my calls,

Just goes to show the love I gave,

Wasn't worth the sudden fall.

My blood...

It's getting thinner,

I'm loosing way too much,

I wish I would have known before,

That you didn't love me much.

Putting up with all your bull$#!*,

How could I be so dumb,

But I guess it doesn't matter now

Cus' everything is numb.

Counting back from ten,

Nine...my eyes begin to close,

I'm lieing here

I'm dieing,

And nobody even knows.

I'm giving up,

I'm such a fool,

I took the easy route,

But I couldn't stand to live

In constant grief and doubt.

I'm sorry Dad I'll miss you,

Mom I love you too,

I'm sorry that you had to see

This girl come crashing through.

I didn't mean to take my anger

Always out on you.

I'm tired now,

I'm leaving,

Eight...

I'll say goodbye once more,

Please don't look back and hate me,

Just close the casket door.

Bury me far benieth

this pathetic sorry earth,

My life was ended way to fast,

It was just one huge @$$ curse.

Goodbye my love I'm sorry,

I hope that you can see,

You're the reason I died tonight,

So just let me f#%*!%# be!!!

-Kristen Anne Parker-

"Never Grow"

Torn between right and wrong

My head begins to spin,

My minds not thinking clearly

Afraid to let temptations in.

I'm too weak right now,

I'm all alone,

The pressure's way too strong,

I'm fighting with all I have inside,

I've been holding on way too long.

My visions dark and blurry,

I feel so weak and cold,

My heart's been torn a million times,

These games are getting really old.

I can only take so much right now,

This pain it hurts too much.

So broken,

I'm a mess right now,

My life is just too rough.

Memories haunt my every thought.

My past is such a threat.

These emotions that I feel inside,

Many things I do regret.

I cannot take it back you see,

I've bottled up so much.

I'm torn completley to the bone,

I'm even shedding blood.

Trying to cover up the hurt,

The drugs they didn't work,

Only made things complicated,

Confused and less alert.

A temporary happiness