so many times
i've loved & lost
I don't want to feel
pain anymore
I just can't lose again
or I may never
learn to care
or be cared for
I can't be alone
my threat
lies within
eating me from
the inside out.
Let me feel
I want to learn
how to release
this pressure
without hurting
I can't hurt
myself again
or hurt you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my head aches
and I can't help to think
the room spins
my stomach wants to release
the pressure
who do I fear
your feelings for me?
possibility lies in my past.
I can't believe
I've been loved.
who can love something that's been
beaten and broken
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to know love
I don't want this bullshit infatuation
I yearn for the feeling
that comes with honesty
and an emotional bond
fuck this physicality
this is not what I need
In my heart I nedd
the feeling of a connection
an unspeakable bond.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fear
inspired by the past
known by the anxiety
identified by the feeling
yet another sleepless night
up with the sweating pain
the fear again
deep inside
why won't it come out?
why can't it be released?
i want nothing more than to
let it all go
i want to be me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your past is your past
and i know i have mine
lonliness and emptiness
are my everyday feelings
fear is a daily stab in the heart.