AUGUST 3, 2003





i've already broken my rules for you

i can't bear to break my heart too.

i'm trying to keep my pain in my past.

and start something completely new.

can i please just be with you and

not have to fear losing you to something

that i could have had an influence on?

i want to be your escape

and to be something that makes you better

not that you are not good yourself

but i want you to be safe with me

possibly because if you are safe

then i don't have to worry about

something happening and losing you.

i promise i will try my hardest

to be everything you want-for you to be happy.

but i can't watch you hurt yourself,

or put yourself in danger.

i want to be your safety

and everything that is right for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

why do i please everyone else?

even if i am not happy

if it pleases someone else, then it is good

to be perfect for so many different

people is such a pressure.

i am myself

but am not really pleasing myself.

i make the decisions based on

what others say is good

regardless of the pain

that they will never know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want to love with all that i am

so tell me why i push it all away

why i can't get close to anyone

without fearing

why i push away acceptance

when that is what i crave

how i can change so easily to be

what someone else wants

why i am a pushover and

just deal with it

when i know there is more than this