1-5-05
is it ok to like you?
i feel so weak and nervous inside
when i think about you, that's where the confusion abides
my confidence feels slowly fading
confidence is high when there is no one i feel the need to impress
but with you i change and redress
nothing with me seems ever just right
everytime i think of you the confusion i have to fight
just make it simple, how much do you like me?
what am i missing, stop the confusion, help me see
i wanna know, are these feelings worth feeling
1-3-05
I feel like i've screwed up
somewhere i must have done something wrong
I feel as if i'm the one to blame
not sure exactly where i started to go off path
not sure when i started to fall
it must of at some point had a begining
i felt all along i was standing tall
slowly i must have been stearing off track
into the unlayed path of the great unknown i went
stumbling and falling but to slow to realize i was way off course
it got to a point where the path was so tuff that it hit me like a brick wall
no path could ever be this hard unless it was no path at all
trying to pull my self up i only manage to continue to fall
failing seemes to be my only call
12-2-04
confused about the situation
where do i and u fit in
not really there completely
but there as much as i and we can
can't really give a clear yes or no
but only can give maybe's
yes is not impossible but no right now is likely
maybe eventually it will be a yes
right now though a no is very likely
so ask me later and something will come possibly: yes no or maybe
this was written some where around june not really sure of the exact date
i'm alone and i hate it
i'm alone and i feel used
i'm alone and i hate it
why do i feel so confused
i'm alone and i hate it
trying, but whats the use?
5-27-04
I've forgotten how to live for me
I've lived so long for someone else
Now it's time to let go
A new life needs to begin
I'd be the center and you'd be some where far away
It's my time to live for me
No longer do I need to live for you
You've put me in shackles and put me in chains
You've told me how to play life's game
I'm trying it my way now for a change
It's time to release me from my cage
You no longer can shelter me
I need to try to figure it out on my own
None of your rules, none of your guidellines
Just me on my own
3-31-04
i'm trying to be strong
thats the thing i strive for the most
be strong thats what we all want
be strong and you'll survive
how many times do you have to fall down though
and get back up before you actually get some where; " get strong"
does it ever just have a plato where you can walk
and walk with out the clif where you fall off?
i'm tired of falling i'm tired of the clifs i just wanna
plato where everything evens out
where i dont have to worry about falling
some place where i can feel strong
i'm tired of having to pull myself back up
and making everything seem ok when it never is really ok
but for once i want it to actually really be ok i dont wanna just pretend it is
i want eternal bliss where i can smile and not have things really going on in the back of my mind that arnt happy
i wanna breath fresh air not the stale stuff that keeps me here in my stale life
i want fresh air somethingn clean something new
3-31-04
I lost my self some time ago
when though i don't exactly know
maybe the miles of distance are where I lost my self
longing for mindless emptiness
to end the on going upset
emptiness, shallow mind
trying to slowly unwind
stop the thoughts that haunt my mind
where do I start, when does it end
does it really have an end?
Repitition really seems well known
the situation seems out grown
1/11/04
can't run away from what I feel
really hard to decipher what is real
pointless worring circling my head
wishing this could be over without me feeling dead
can't hang on forever with things as they are
how much further can I push before I've reached to far
what I am missing I am not really sure
confused and not knowing how much more really though that I can endure
hanging on sometimes see pointless untill I see your face
letting go everything would really be a disgrace
where to go for here is what I'm allways asking
all these confused thoughts are all very tasking
trying to pretend I'm ok what's the point in masking
