2-26-03
Twenty years ago today was the start of my bottom.
Until that time, my using, though excessive, was somewhat acceptable.
I could always keep a job, or if I lost one, could always get another.
And though I was a blackout drunk, I was a friendly one . . .
In other words, I hadnt burned all my bridges yet. (Remember, Youre Eligible Too)
In the blink of an eye, a drunk driver changed my life forever.
(Four-wheel drive Toyota at 75 mph. always beats a pedestrian.)
After spending three months in hospital and receiving a small settlement
I began an eleven year run . . . I ran from my mangled leg, God, my family,
my friends, my-self for as long as I possibly could until I reached the end of the road.
Youve been there too, havent you? No dope, no hope, nowhere left to go
backed into such a tight corner that escape isnt possible anymore?
I thank God for that corner, for it wasnt until I reached that place
of helpless desperation that I achieved the ability to surrender
and to admit that I was powerless.
Through that admission I gained such strength, for it was then
God introduced me to you.
You, who showed me that I was not alone, that I wasnt some freak
or demon-filled waste of time. You shared yourselves with me, letting me know
I wasnt the only one whod acted out on the insanity of this disease,
and let the obsession and compulsion rule my life,
doing things so horrific or debasing they can only be imagined in nightmares.
You showered me with love, and shared with me your hope, inspiring me to grow,
to allow this program to work in my life. You gave me life again.
So, twenty years ago was the start of my bottom, but it was also the beginning of my ascent.
For had I not been knocked so low, I may never have been able to fly so high,
and for that Im truly grateful.
Much love, light and hope.
Johnh94