THE BOY I LIKE GIVE UP OR...I’m thinking to really give up on the boy I like, but how can I if I never even tried anything. I always talk about not being afraid to take risks, but when I have to do it, I get cold feet. Why can’t I just have the guts to really do something instead of waiting and waiting. It’s just that I’m so scared of getting a rejection, while that’s the last thing I should be scared of.
One day it looks like I’m getting good hints and the other day it looks like I’m practically being avoided. What oh what am I going to do? Wait and wait, starting to do some action, begin straight to the point or giving it up? I’m so clueless again.
Last week I knew everything, I knew what I wanted to do, but now I don’t even know half of it.
Maybe I really have to talk about things with Benjamin first before I can move full steam ahead. Maybe that’s my obstacle, the reason why I can’t get new things started. Totally clueless in my mind and heart. Neither of them knows something, both are lost. Totally clueless, that’s me.
January 26th 2003
