REMINSCINGI just did something I maybe shouldn’t have done.
I went to the inbox of my old e-mail and I read the personal, emotional mails.
I’m not crying, but it did kind of make me sad. Reading e-mails from TD, where we broke the friendship we used to have. Nothing was ever the same again. Reading e-mails from MC where we literally yelled names at each other, fighting. We’ll never have the special friendship and bond we used to have. And the saddest of the moment are definitely the mails from BB and my e-mails to him. It doesn’t hurt me anymore, I mostly smiled while reading, but the fact remains that I do miss him.
While reading all those sad stuff, I did realize something good.
Maybe those friendships are broken from both sides, but the past really does stay. While reading all those stuff I got smiles on my face. Knowing how beautiful those friendships and the relationship were.
I’ve shared a lot of things with those guys and eventhough I can’t share things anymore, doesn’t mean that what I used to share with them disappears.
The weekend evenings where TD and SO chilled at my place and we would wrestle and have fun, the nights where MC and I lied on the grass, watched the stars and have the best conversations two people can ever have and the seven months BB and I gave to each other.
Those things will always remain in my heart and I know it will in theirs too.
There are only very few things that will last forever and at my age, my age group, nothing is certain to last.
That’s why we should make everything the best. Enjoy those things while we still can. Because when the moment comes that it ends, you’ll have enough memories and times in you heart to last your whole lifetime.
My good friendships aren’t what they used to be, but that doesn’t mean that I love those people less than before.
I shouldn’t be angry about being left, I shouldn’t be angry for the things they’ve said without showing it. We’re all still very young and we must grow. Endings are a part of that growing too. Of course, it hurts to feel as if I’m only here as a sort of replacement for the times when there is no boy/girlfriend. But the times spent there are fun. What’s wrong with that? As long as we stay true to ourselves, everything is okay.
I’m happy now and why should I let the bad things in the past get in the way of that. The bad things stay and my statements stay, but that doesn’t mean that my heart can’t love. I do love...and I do love them...
January 17th 2003
