PATH OF GOALS

Today I’m going through an emotional and restless period of the mind and heart. Today I’m thinking about my life, my life in the present, but also the past and the future. The past of my life in 2002 made me tired. There was so much excitement, problems, sadness, sorrow, breakdowns, happiness. From the first until the last month of 2002 I’ve been sitting in the worst, but also the best rollercoaster of my life so far. I’ve lost friends and I gained, I’ve gained a great love and lost it in the same year. I’ve had big problems at home, problems with friends and loved ones. I’ve lost a very tight group. Last year was so fast and so much happened that now, in the present, I want to take a rest. I just want to sit on a bench by myself to clear my mind. If I have done that I can make a good future for myself and for the people around me.
What I see now is my goals for now at the end of this beautiful path in the middle of the beautiful nature. What I need to do now is walk on my own pace to get to the end of this beautiful road and meet my future.
I’ve already walked a great part. The part we all have to begin with to make a beginning. The part of self-analyze, self-change, self-control. The part dedicated to looking at myself, analyzing what’s wrong, looking for things I need to change and then changing them. Everything begins with yourself. I’ve practically walked that part to its finish, but there are still so many parts to go, so many miles to walk. I still have to take care of the past part, the closure part and oh so much more. But right now I’m busy with my inner rest and analysation about the parts that are coming. But it’s so hard to find my inner peace and being content with what’s happening around, with and in me. I’ve been busy with changing my bad things. Now I have to focus on ordening the good things and the little bad things that I’ve kept a part of me.
After finishing that I can concentrate on what I want and want to achieve this year. There’s no rush though. I’m doing everything on my own pace. It doesn’t matter how long it will take and how much trouble I have to go through, as long as I get there, the end of the road. Something more beautiful than the path I’m walking on with its beautiful nature surroundings.

January 19th 2003