NOW I KNOWI believe I have fallen into a depression once again. While I was talking with someone I haven't spoken with for a while. I realized that the way I feel like this is because of the ending of my last relationship.
I am not depressed about the person, certainly not. I still don't want him in my life. It is the situation that caused this.
Just before that relationship I was fighitng against falling in love. But still, because he made me feel so good I did it anyway with the confidence that that relationship wouldn't fail, that it was worth it.
In the end, it was the worst disappointment so far. Not only did it fail, it failed with a fight and it failed soon. This failure carries more wight, because I gave up my principles for that relationship.
That's the reason why I can't get in touch with my emotions anymore, why my heart decided to hide.
How will I get the confidence to lvoe someone again, when the last time I got confidence it didn't only fail, it failed with a capital F.
My heart couldn't handle it and I, in my subconsciousness, blocked feelings so that I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore.
I am not hurt because of him, I am hurt because I believed in us. Even if it was with someone else, if the same thing happened, the same way, I would be hurt the same.
How can I get in touch with my heart and soul again if they're afraid to come out.
How can I wake up my fire again if even my inspiration is lost.
I can, I know I can. I know that if I know the cause, I can find the cure.
I cured myself a lot, I pulled myself through a lot, and I always will.
I am a woman, I am able, I am strong, I can.
March 16th 2004
