IN MY ELEMENT

There was a time in my life when I was very restless in many different ways. I was so eager to do things, even bad things. I wanted to party ‘till I couldn’t breath, I wanted to drink ‘ till I was numb, I wanted to laugh 24/7 ‘till my stomach ached. There was a time when all I did was joke around, saying stupid things, laughing at bypassers with my friends. There was a time where I smiled, but wasn’t satisfied, wasn’t at ease. There was I time I haven’t discovered myself.
Writing has been a passion for me a very long time, but never had I gone this deep. Never have I looked at the human mind this way.
I had a turning point. I went from chaotic to calm. One day I noticed I started doing things differently. I started being more organized. My room started getting cleaner. What I wrote wasn’t about what I feel anymore, it was about what I see around me. One day, the messed up letters in my head fell into places, turned readable. The wild ocean in my body turned into a peaceful lake. A lake where everything is clear.
What happened in my life is that everything I wrote about started to really work. I started accepting and being happy with what I accepted. I was taking responsibility for what I have done. I was realizing that the past is the past and it remains there. I started knowing how to use my mind to erase bad things. Yes, I have come to a turning point. How did I do this, what did I do? I did absoluteley nothing. I just opened myself up. I just took a deep breath, gave my inner being some rest and peace and everything just started to happen.
I’m in my element now. It’s peaceful, calm and quiet. When I close my eyes I see myself sitting in the middle of a field. I’m looking up at the sun and it’s shining on my face. The wind is smoothly blowing through my hair. When I look around I see my family I love. I see the peope I really trust, really care for, really love. Those people can only be counted on one hand and I’m blessed. Everybody is smiling and I’m happy because they are.
I’m in my element now. I have a smile on my heart. I have an energetic body. I have a strong mind. I have the people I love and love me too. I’m in peace.

May 16th 2003