I DON'T CAREI banished BSM out of my life, totally. I don't want to knwo anything about him and I don't want to hear anything from him. I feel good without him and I realize he just isn't for me. We are two very different people and just don't match.
Our relationship was all about having fun, but when the time came we couldn't have fun anymore, it all died. We were never meant to really love each other. I am really glad that I never cried for him and never shed tears for him after the break-up. He has a new girlfriend and I don't care.
But, there is one thing that is just hard for me. We spent three months together and whatever may have happened, those were still three beautiful months.
Our contact ended with a fight, not a face to face fight, we didn't speak with each other, but I ended the contact with anger and I wish it didn't have to turn out that way. I am just not used to this, two people have shared something and shouldn't disrespect it by just letting it slip away. I wish it didn't have to end like this. I wish that we could still speak to each other like two normal human beings. I don't have to see him everyday or speak with him everyday. It's just not nice that it had to end like this.
I wish things would have worked out different, but I can't turn back time. He treated me with the most disrespect. He disrespected our relationship, by forgetting what we have shared from the moment he said goodbye. He disrespected me by lying to me, holding things from me and rejecting my respect.
I could very well throw his pants away, but I didn't want to go that low. I wanted to show him that I still had respect, by just giving the pants back and he threw that respect right back in my face. Okay, so I didn't give it to him personally, but I just don't want to see him ever again. That doesn't mean that he could throw that little respect I gave him in my face.
I have had problems with my ex-boyfriends, but there was one thing that was always there, mutual respect. My former ex-boyfriends didn't lie to me like that, when they told me they cared about me, they weren't lying. They had respect for me and the relationship we had.
But, this one, this one is just a plain and simple asshole. This one didn't respect our relationship and he didn't respectme. And, as much as I wish that we could just be normal friends, this time, it just can't. This time, I can't take that bullshit and this time is the first time that I say and mean:"I don't ever want to see him again, I don't ever want to have anything to do with him." The first time that I say:"I....don't....care....I don't care about him."
February 22nd 2004
