CLOSING ANOTHER CHAPTERIt is funny, but sometimes so frustrating how things in life can change as you grow up. It is hard when relationships with family, friends or lovers change into nothing.
I have been through a lot of situations, experienced a lot of changes and just experienced a lot. I have lost many friends on the way. Some people I really cared about, but just lost contact with. Some people I really cared about, but started gettin gon my nerves or I on theirs. And just some people I shared something with. Every time it was hard to handle, every situation, every person was different.
Experiencing on e thing doesn't make it easier the next time it happens. You can cope with it better, but the pain it carries and the pain you have to endure stays the same. It is still losing someone.
But, through all tha tlosing I also gained. Not only did I gai nfriends or realized who my true friends were. I also gained a lot of lessons and wisdom. One thing that I learned was that everything will turn out right eventually. Through all that losing, feeling pain, crying, breaking down, I always managed to get my smile and happiness back after.
Eventually, everything happens for a reason. No matter what bad things happen, it is up to yourself how hard it is or how long it will take. Most of the time, when I had to make a choice, I chose the hard and scandalous path. Somehow, I managed to get myself into the mos tpainful and embarassing moments. But I also managed to get myself out of them and leave with a bigger smile, a bigger heart and more happiness that I entered with.
Eventually, it is the result of the actions you take that matters. It is the result of the work you have done that matters. It is the result of the pain you had to go through that matters.
As I am now closing yet another chapter of my life's book I know that I am now again able to shed tears of happiness about this chapter instead of the tears of pain I used to shed. Bot everything turned out the way I hoped it would turn out and the way I wanted it to turn out and I wish this chapter didn't have to close yet, but it has to close.
The person who filled this chapter, BS, was a good person when I had spent time with him, but things changed. It wasn't what I thought it was. And how painful it is to close this chapter and, with that, close him out of my life, I know that it happens for a reason and I know that it was a nice chapter. I know that one day I will put aside my hate and resentment and just think what I always like to think of people; I hope they will lead a good life. He wasn't that good of a person in my eyes at the end, he didn't treat me well, but he is a human being and he is someone who shared feelings with me once and because of that I hope for him that inthe future he will handle situations better and grow up. And as he will grow up someday, I hope that life iwll treat him well and that he will lead it good.
I am now saying goodbye to him for real and I am now really going to close this chapter. And with this I know that whatever happened, it happened for a reason. I know that I have learned another lessong. And if at first I couldn't feel because I was afraid of falling in love again, because of this chapter. I know now that one day another love chapter will open me and I know what I have learned.
The last sentence is about to be written and all there is left to say about this is that it made me happy for a while. It made me smile for a while. I made me cry for a while. It made me angry for a while. But the result is that it will make me happy again.
No matter what I had to go through, the result is good.
And so, this is DLC, signing off from this chapter and saying goodbye to BDSM, ready to write once again a new chapter with a fresh beginning.
March 25th 2004
