MY BREAKTHROUGH

And then I came to a point of thinking; I’ve cried my body empty again about him. Then I came to my senses. While I was crying, he was probably holding, smooching with and having fun with her, not thinking of me. So I say it to myself again, why am I doing this? Torturing myself while he doesn’t even has a scratch.
I really don’t need him and shouldn’t cry about him anymore or be angry, just smile that I still do have memories we won’t share with anybody else. It’s right what people say: ”Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
I only hope I still think like this tomorrow.
It may haven’t been too good with us since it ended, but that doesn’t mean our memories fade.
Whatever may happen in the future, the past will stay and he will remain a piece of my heart.
Thank you for making this year a year I will never forget. Thank you for showing me love and showing me myself. And thank you for being a part of my life even if it’s only in the past.
I hopefully made myself stronger. Seeing him and his girlfriend together, seeing his msn names, knowing what they do still hurt me and I don’t want to see or know any of it. But I do truly mean it when I wish them all the luck and hope they can make it a beautiful relationship.

I have made a theory a while ago. People always seem to want to hurt themselves. People always think of sad stuff and cry, while they don’t even have to think of it. Deep inside we want to hurt ourselves. Why? Maybe to get over stuff better or make ourselves stronger. But we should make ourselves stronger through smiles and laughter, not through sadness and tears.
I’ve realized that now. I think I can stop it now. I will always miss him and have the urge to be sad about him, but I should just keep it with the urge and not the actual doing. Not because he isn’t sad or out of revenge or to show him that I don’t care, but for myself. You can’t do stuff for other people, do it for yourself or you’ll fail.
That’s why I never managed to become strong, because I did it for him or tried to do it. Today was a breakthrough, at least, I hope so.
We’ll see, all I know is that I’m okay now. I will probably still think about him when I go to sleep, but I will try to make it happy thoughts. Desiree Lace Cohen is trying to get her life back together again….trying…

November 30th 2002