A CRY FOR HELP

To whomever it may concern,

I have an announcement to make; my heart is missing!
I am now feeling lost and empty within
The inner strength in me has gone away.
Somehow, it didn’t feel the courage to stay

I just don’t feel the need to talk and share
My life seems to be meaningless and I don’t seem to care
About whatever is going on within me and around
I just don’t feel the need to be bound
Compassion is unknown to me, unfamiliar and strange
Except for anger and pain, all is out of my range
My wisdom and knowledge are vanished somehow
I am going crazy, insane, what to do now
Speaking of the unfamiliar words
Poetry, dance and musical chords?
To those words emotion define?
Or is it beauty, bright and shine?
I know I have once known what it meant
But it got beaten so hard away, it caused a dent
In my mind, by my mind, didn’t want it here
Rather killed itself than apparently feeling fear
The ability to hear two sides of a complication
To know the cause of a fight or miscommunication
To feel what others feel, that was my high during depression
And now, I can only experience misinterpretation
That ability of being able of what I was once able to do
The one thing that made me happy, said nothing more than: adieu!
It was that that uplifted me, during the most saddening hours
I can only remember that it felt like I was surrounded by grass and pretty flowers

My body knows no relief, because whatever kind of frustrations I want to pour
My tears seem to fight and that makes me feel so fragile and oh so insecure
The breakdowns that used to give me breakthroughs, that gave me power
Has weakened and disappeared, my inner now only knows how to devour

To whomever is still reading,
Can you tell me what this frightening and awkward situation says
The fact that suppressed feelings I don’t know how to express
And, while you are at it, can you maybe also tell me a.s.a.p.
What I can expect and how everything will turn out to be
I am desperate and I don’t know what action to take
I can’t feel a thing, except for the fear to fall or make a mistake
For I seem so empty inside and something definitely disappeared
I want to know so that this all can soon be cleared
I wish I knew what it is that I feel, what it is that I need
What I have to do to make me once again complete
I wish I knew what this will bring in my future
That in the end I will accomplish full composure

And if I may find out how, I wish I will also find the lost and found
To bring back the way to be passionate, imaginative and to be profound
But, before I can do that, I’d have to know how to actually bring it back in me
So that I will live to feel, understand, relate and especially to feel free

So, to whomever is still interested,
I am desperate and I don’t know what to do
Maybe somebody has to show me and maybe that somebody is you

March 19th 2003