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Thursday, May 15, 2003
Breathing Exercises

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Breathing exercises
designed to help him
designed to calm him down
calm him down
but he can't seem to calm down
no matter how hard he tries
it's just getting to be too much
he never thought he's fall,
but it seems
he's finally buckling
under the pressure
of all this pressure
of all the textbooks
that have been stuffed in his backpack
of the standards
which he believes he has to live up to
it's just getting to be too much
as he wanders around
with his head down
his eyes facing the ground
he never thought he'd fall

Breath in... breath out...

His breath comes in
raspy
like an old man
he feels so old
when he breathes
but he's only so young
he's too you
too young to be where he is
too young to be short on time
it used to be that every minute
was too long
but now he counts down
the hours
and half hours
and minutes
and seconds
on his fingers
it's all counting too fast
too fast to be real
too fast
it's counting to fast to his eventual destruction
or that's how it feels to him
he's finally buckling
finally breaking under this pressure
and he wants to say it's not fair
but he can't find the words to justify it
it's not fair
it's not fair
of course it's fair
of course it's fair because
you earned it
you earned this
of course it's fair, you-

Breath in... Breath out...

but he can't breath anymore
he can't calm down anymore
because he's so tense
and he wonders
what it's going to feel like when this all blows up
when all his sins come back to haunt him
he can't breath
he can't calm down
he's suffocating
alone
here, but no one knows
no one knows that
he's down here
alone
no one knows that he's
suffocating
no one knows that he's
breaking
underneath all this pressure
no one knows what it's like
no one knows
no one knows
no one knows
and it's just too much to take
he's going
he's going
he's going to repent
he's going to try
but it just looks so hopeless from here
that he doesn't know what to do
he doesn't know how-

Breath in
Breath out.

5:51 PM
Friday, April 25, 2003
Untitled (so far)
The little intricacies of her mind
spitting out half-formed thoughts
and then rejecting them without a second glance
no
don't
it'll never work
her eyes have been drilled shut so hard
she's blind to the world around her
blind to everything he says to her
because everything he says
has a double meaning
lined with guilt ridden fantasies
her mind represses them
a constant state of repression
of silent shackles
which she bears on every action she performs
for him
all for him
her love for him precluded by their friendship
they're still talking
but somehow incommunicative
no
don't
it'll never work

9:28 PM
Monday, April 21, 2003
aha! I did it... lol... beautiful...

7:04 PM
I'm trying to change the format but it's not letting me!!!

6:31 PM
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
He Reminisces

It's funny
how the memories come back
after all these years
it's funny how they come back
so sporadic
like he's not quite sure when or where they're from
like
tunes to songs he used to sing or
faces of people he used to know
or buildings and houses where he used to be
it's funny how they come back
and he
muses over them for many hours
as if maybe they hold the key to life
and he must find it
as if they can tell him
what it all means
as if those memories
can act as a compass
and point his life in the right direction
cuz he wants to have good life
so when he gets old
he can say to his grandchildren
"I lived a life worth living"
but it's too late
look
he's already old
all wrinkled and hair all gray
it's too late
he's wasted his life
but it's okay
he doesn't even have any grandchildren
to tell it to anyway
and after all these years
the memories come back
and all they do is remind him
remind him of his wasted life
he wants to take it all back
but it's too late
it's too late to take it back
he's already wasted his life
you only get one life
and he wasted his

4:39 PM
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Musical Taste

You know what's a cool song?
Like A Stone by Audioslave

"In your house
I long to be
Room by room
patiently
I'll wait for you there
Like a stone
I'll wait for you there
Alone
Alone."

6:48 PM
Monday, April 14, 2003
Poetry Scrap: Selfishness


It's not that I'm selfish
I just have nothing left
to give you

8:55 PM
Sunday, April 13, 2003
Pool of Blood

He wants to explain himself
to the world
to everyone
but he's lost his faith in the way words work
for the first time in his life
he finds that
he can't find
the words to describe how he feels
and he mutters a vague explanation
"uh... guh... buh..."
It's not his fault
he just
woke up and realized
that he was surrounded by assholes
it's not his fault
he just
woke up and realized
that he didn't know what he was doing
he didn't know where he was going
and he's not talking
"uh... duh... buh..."
at the rate he's going
he may never talk again
and everyone's
staring now
but he doesn't see them
because he's lost
lost in his mind
it's not his fault
he just woke up
he just woke up
and got lost in his mind
lost his mind
it's not his fault
he just woke up
"guh... buh... buh..."
and everyone's looking
but he doesn't know why
because in his mind
his explanation made perfect sense
but to everyone else
it just sounds like gibberish
words used to be his religion
but now they're just the cross
upon which he's crucified
it's not his fault
he just woke up to see
the fist coming at him
and had time to wonder
what he was doing here
why he was here
and then the fist came down
and smashed his face
smashed his dreams
he just woke up
he no longer dreams
they've all been smashed
he woke up
after all these years
he woke up
in a pool of blood
so much blood
drowning in his own dreams
the fist came down
after all these years
it's not his fault.

3:45 PM


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