Entries
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Breathing Exercises Thursday, May 15, 2003 Breathing exercises designed to help him designed to calm him down calm him down but he can't seem to calm down no matter how hard he tries it's just getting to be too much he never thought he's fall, but it seems he's finally buckling under the pressure of all this pressure of all the textbooks that have been stuffed in his backpack of the standards which he believes he has to live up to it's just getting to be too much as he wanders around with his head down his eyes facing the ground he never thought he'd fall Breath in... breath out... His breath comes in raspy like an old man he feels so old when he breathes but he's only so young he's too you too young to be where he is too young to be short on time it used to be that every minute was too long but now he counts down the hours and half hours and minutes and seconds on his fingers it's all counting too fast too fast to be real too fast it's counting to fast to his eventual destruction or that's how it feels to him he's finally buckling finally breaking under this pressure and he wants to say it's not fair but he can't find the words to justify it it's not fair it's not fair of course it's fair of course it's fair because you earned it you earned this of course it's fair, you- Breath in... Breath out... but he can't breath anymore he can't calm down anymore because he's so tense and he wonders what it's going to feel like when this all blows up when all his sins come back to haunt him he can't breath he can't calm down he's suffocating alone here, but no one knows no one knows that he's down here alone no one knows that he's suffocating no one knows that he's breaking underneath all this pressure no one knows what it's like no one knows no one knows no one knows and it's just too much to take he's going he's going he's going to repent he's going to try but it just looks so hopeless from here that he doesn't know what to do he doesn't know how- Breath in Breath out.
5:51 PM
Friday, April 25, 2003
Untitled (so far)
The little intricacies of her mindspitting out half-formed thoughts and then rejecting them without a second glance no don't it'll never work her eyes have been drilled shut so hard she's blind to the world around her blind to everything he says to her because everything he says has a double meaning lined with guilt ridden fantasies her mind represses them a constant state of repression of silent shackles which she bears on every action she performs for him all for him her love for him precluded by their friendship they're still talking but somehow incommunicative no don't it'll never work
9:28 PM
Monday, April 21, 2003
aha! I did it... lol... beautiful...
7:04 PM
I'm trying to change the format but it's not letting me!!!
6:31 PM
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
He Reminisces It's funny how the memories come back after all these years it's funny how they come back so sporadic like he's not quite sure when or where they're from like tunes to songs he used to sing or faces of people he used to know or buildings and houses where he used to be it's funny how they come back and he muses over them for many hours as if maybe they hold the key to life and he must find it as if they can tell him what it all means as if those memories can act as a compass and point his life in the right direction cuz he wants to have good life so when he gets old he can say to his grandchildren "I lived a life worth living" but it's too late look he's already old all wrinkled and hair all gray it's too late he's wasted his life but it's okay he doesn't even have any grandchildren to tell it to anyway and after all these years the memories come back and all they do is remind him remind him of his wasted life he wants to take it all back but it's too late it's too late to take it back he's already wasted his life you only get one life and he wasted his
4:39 PM
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Musical Taste You know what's a cool song? Like A Stone by Audioslave "In your house I long to be Room by room patiently I'll wait for you there Like a stone I'll wait for you there Alone Alone."
6:48 PM
Monday, April 14, 2003
Poetry Scrap: Selfishness It's not that I'm selfish I just have nothing left to give you
8:55 PM
Sunday, April 13, 2003
Pool of Blood He wants to explain himself to the world to everyone but he's lost his faith in the way words work for the first time in his life he finds that he can't find the words to describe how he feels and he mutters a vague explanation "uh... guh... buh..." It's not his fault he just woke up and realized that he was surrounded by assholes it's not his fault he just woke up and realized that he didn't know what he was doing he didn't know where he was going and he's not talking "uh... duh... buh..." at the rate he's going he may never talk again and everyone's staring now but he doesn't see them because he's lost lost in his mind it's not his fault he just woke up he just woke up and got lost in his mind lost his mind it's not his fault he just woke up "guh... buh... buh..." and everyone's looking but he doesn't know why because in his mind his explanation made perfect sense but to everyone else it just sounds like gibberish words used to be his religion but now they're just the cross upon which he's crucified it's not his fault he just woke up to see the fist coming at him and had time to wonder what he was doing here why he was here and then the fist came down and smashed his face smashed his dreams he just woke up he no longer dreams they've all been smashed he woke up after all these years he woke up in a pool of blood so much blood drowning in his own dreams the fist came down after all these years it's not his fault.
3:45 PM
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